There is no more popular topics on television and in the movie than love. Soap operas are filled with "romantic love." This topic is also popular in songs. We constantly pursue the idea that love is the only thing that matters.
Most people think about romantic love about the following: "Love is an incomprehensible obsession, which comes nothing and immediately masters you, how to kort. You will know her intuitively. If this feeling, you do not have to guess for a long time. You will see her, no doubt . Love is so important that you have to give up everything for her for her. A man is forgiven to leave his wife for love, a woman to prospect the house and children, the king - the throne. She comes completely unexpectedly, and you can't do anything. She is not subject to person. "
What is not true love! This love is not so.
The passion really arises suddenly, and you can't do anything about it. But real love is a devotee and disinterested love. On this she keeps. You can surprise you, why do you definitely know the difference between hobbies and love? The reason is as follows: Knowledge differences will save you from making a huge mistake. Each year, millions of pairs with shining eyes come to church and solemnly swear to love each other until the end of life. For some of them, marriage really becomes an invaluable acquisition. For others, he just tolerate. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real misfortune. After a short period of time, they begin to understand what they do not take joint Life. What is the matter?
The difference is that some couples are building their marriage on real love, while others are in passion, which is false love. Such marriages do not last long.
How to understand the difference? At the time of the "Golden Fever", many prospectors thought "attacked the living room." But later, it was found out for his great disappointment that their discovery was not real gold, but nothing worthwhile pyrite. Pyrite looks very similar to gold, but has no value. It is also called "gold fools".
As we said, it is not easy to notice the difference between hobby and true love. In his book "Sex, love or passion - how to determine?" Dr. Ray Short gives several key tips that help a person to explore their feeling and determine whether it is a real gold Genuine love or "gold for fools" - simple hobby.
We will look at 12 of these keys, but first allowing the following: (1) The order of keys does not matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the rest. (2) These keys should not be taken selectively. You must take into account all 12!
Key number 1 that most of all attracts you.
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, most likely you will be more interested in physical data from another person. A beautiful face and a good figure - of course, very attractive qualities, but appearance is deceptive. It is like wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. According to it, it is impossible to judge what it is inside. Moreover, physical beauty is not eternal. Dr. Short says: "From a dozen school assembly, which I visited being a young man, I remember only one thing." Young people! - Solemno said he said. - Before marrying the girl because of her pretty little bit and attractive forms, think about how it will look at the age of 30, and it stopped me "?
True love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the identity of your chosen one. Surely in your feelings will be present and physical attraction, but just along with many other attractive qualities for you.
Key number 2 How many different qualities attracts you in this person?
Enthusiasm: Typically, the number of such qualities is small, but they are able to influence very much. The guy can go crazy from a smile or sexy gait of his girl.
True love: When you love truly, you like all or most of the qualities in another person. Each of us has many characteristic features, your judgments and attitude of how many features are you noting in the other, and how many of them are you attractive? This is important because when the initial delight after the marriage will pass, you will need a lot of common interests to keep marriage and make it successful.
Key number 3 How did it start?
Enthusiasm: The passion arises quickly. There is no real love at first glance, but can break down a hobby at first sight. As they say in one love song, "the eyes of lovers met in the crowd, lightning flared up, and they immediately understood that they were created for each other." In fact, they could only understand what they made a good first impression.
True love:
True love always appears slowly. Otherwise it can not be. You have to learn a person before you can really love it, and this requires time, a lot of time to truly recognize anyone. Long-term courtship is significantly better than a short. The year is better than half a year, two years better than one, three years better than two, and four are better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, statistical data on this subject is absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to conclude a marriage and in their own experience are convinced of justice old saying: "Hurry up - mockery people." If you are on your head, you have a marriage too hastily, then you will later be enough time to regret it. 
Key number 4 How much is your interest?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, your interest flashes, it goes out. One of the reasons for this is that the passion arises too quickly, and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general, your relationship is superficial.
True love: When you love truly, your feelings will rather be warm and gentle than to be fluent from the straw passion to cold indifference, they will be more permanent. True love grows slowly, but its deep roots.
Key number 5 How does feeling affecting you?
Enthusiasm: Passion has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and effective. Romantic feelings fully master you, and you go, immersed in dreams. A girl who says: "I know that he has shortcomings, but nothing matters except our love", passionate ... Temporarily! Coming out married, it will eventually detect that there is still a lot of meaning.
True love: If your love is genuine, your top Qualities And you strive to become even better. The guy who really loves, speaks about his girlfriend: "I love her not only for the fact that it is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show the best of my qualities."
Key number 6 How do you feel about others?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, for you the whole "universe" rotate around one person. The rest of the relationship seem completely unimportant to you. You are ready to even reject your relatives and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. Only it from now on has a value for you. You think that for the sake of this delightful "love", which entered your life, you can excitely make any actions. As we said earlier, most hobbies are short-lived, but the mistakes that you make, being influenced by this feeling, often have lifelong consequences.
True love: When you really love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world for you, but relationships with relatives and friends do not lose their meaning.
Key number 7 How do others look at your relationship?
Enthusiasm:
What others think about your "beloved", very important check. When you are passionate, it is likely that your parents and many of friends will not approve of these relationships. One of the dangerous sides of the passion is that you are inclined to idolize another person. You do not see the shortcomings, because "blinded with love." Your friends are trying to point out some dangerous signs, but you ignore them. Your parents with love warn you, trying to prevent a big mistake, but you do not listen. Young people sometimes say: "So what? We marry each other, and not to relatives and friends." You can also stick to such a position, but this is unforgivable nonsense - neglect the advice of the people who love you. Over the years of life and you, and your beloved person has a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those who choose as a friend, they become similar to us. So your friends are in some your sense is yours "mirror". If you are passionate about someone, friends often do not share such feelings. If they see dangerous signals, you should pay attention to this and listen to their opinion.
True love: When you love truly, more chances that your parents and most friends approve your choice. To God bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.
Key number 8 How affect separation?
Enthusiasm: One of the best tests for feeling is a distance test. If you are just passionate, the time and distance will kill your feeling, "this is also explained by the collaps of those pairs, the main interest of which was physical appeal. Over time, another living person, located nearby, will replace his beloved, which remained only in the photo.
True love: When you really love, the lack of your favorite person only aggravates your feeling. True love will necessarily endure the test of the distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, she takes it entirely as a person. The time spent together helps you grow out. Therefore, when separated, you wake up your part. Another person, even very attractive, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, you, of course, you can experience anxiety and sadness. You will be disturbed by thought: "What if he (or she) will meet anyone else?" And this can happen. But if your favorite person is able to find happiness with someone else, it is better to learn about it before, and not after marriage. Therefore, if you have to die, come across it and do not worry. If your feeling is only a passion, and it will not stand such a test, it is better to figure out this until it becomes too late.
Key number 9 How do you have a feeling affect the feeling?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can put up, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become similar to. Two dictates in the cold. When they apart, they are shaking from the cold, but it is standing for them to nose to each other, they cant one of them with their needles. "Phil and Alice met more than two years. During this time, they quarreled and put up at least once a month. Disasters arose because of any trifling or imaginary resentment. Both were played by terrible jealousy. And then Maria, the best friend Alice, tried to open them Eyes. Once Alice shared the details of the last quarrel and threatened: "Let only try to return me! I will not even talk to him! "" I think that you will become, Alice, - Mary's gently turned with her, - but I hope that you will tell him firmly: "Goodbye, Phil, all over." And then she explained his position in a surprised girlfriend: "You both awaken in each other worst. You quarrel, because you have nothing more to talk about. Deparations, tears and romantic" reconciliation "only save you from boredom.
True love: When you really love, you may have disagreements, but real love is experiencing them, and quarrels are becoming less frequent and serious, each couple must learn to settle conflicts. It is much better to discuss disagreements openly and honestly than let them smooth in the depths of the soul.
Key number 10 How do you consider your relationship?
Enthusiasm:
When you are passionate about, you are inclined to think about yourself and about your loved one, as about two people, and accordingly use in your thoughts and speech pronouns: "I", "Me", "My", "He", "His", or "she", "her". You think about you, as two individuals.
True love: When you really love, you usually use words: "we", "our", "us." Do you think about you, as about one. This key seems not so important until you meet, but is of great importance in marriage. When the marriage is based on hobby, husband and wife can find more pleasure in pursuing various interests than in joint activities. The husband can strive and want to "go with friends" more than spending time at home with family. Or the wife will become more interested in his connections in society than home duties. In families where there is real love, her husband and wife gives pleasure to do something together. A frequent answer here: "I do not want to go, if you can't go too."
Key №11 is selfish or uncanyten?
Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, your interest in another person is mostly selfish. The guy can meet with a beautiful and noticeable girl, just because it flatters his pride, raises his prestige. It can be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" school, he becomes the "king" next to her. In the same way, the girl can keep the guy "on the leisure" not because of what is really interested in it, but because his devotion raises her price in the eyes of others.
True love: When you really love, you like a person for presenting himself, and not because he can help you asserted.
Key number 12 What is the basis of your feelings?
Enthusiasm: Is your goal to find a person who will completely devote his life to make you happy? Do you care first of all about yourself? If so, then you are only passionate. Your common position is selfish - you most care about what you can get from these relationships.
True love:
Love is disinterested and predicted. You strive to do everything possible to bring joy to another. First of all, you are interested in what you can give, and not get. 
* * *
Rate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys starting from the first. Come on each of them assess your feeling. If you want, the keys will be able to show not only if your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the keys show a mixture of passion and real love. Therefore, adding each key along a ten-ball scale. Zero will mean a passion, and 10 - love. For example, considering key number 1, you can decide: "If you are completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I will give two points." If exploring the key number 7, you will see that about half of friends approves your choice, and half no, in this case, put five points. When you evaluate yourself on all twelve keys, laying points scored. The overall result of 80 points or higher shows that your feelings are quite reliable. For your part, you can assume that your love is able to become the basis for a successful marriage. But it is only from your side.
The person you love should also go through this test and gain a large number of points. Love must be mutual. It does not matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He must experience the same feelings in response. If you scored from 50 to 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship will be developed. If scored points are less than 50, you are only passionate. Therefore, try to keep your heart. First of all, do not complicate the relationship of sex intimacy and do not hurry with marriage.
Also note the following: the high result of this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First, you can be too young for marriage, even if you scored a lot of glasses. Secondly, even if you have a suitable age, you can also just not know each other's good. As we have said, you need to know each other for at least two years before thinking about marriage.
Love is one of the finest matters in the universe. This matter goes with us all my life, starting from birth and meeting with a loving mother and ending with death surrounded by mournful relatives and loved ones.
But despite the permanent presence of love in the life of humanity, every individual individual cannot distinguish love from similar, but very far from love affection. After all, our subconsciousness often burns out emotions and plays against reason, which leads a person from real love.
Let's try to determine what often hides under the concept of "love".
Understanding (Love in particular) is when thoughts are felt, and feelings are meaningful. This is the basis of the foundation. This is the foundation of love. Only when you feel your thoughts and think about your feelings, you can achieve such a cherished "understanding."
We divide love for 3 conditional types and understand them very carefully (be sure: it is very useful to you in life!).
People believe that they love each other because of the similarity of their problems. This is a difficult moment and it is quite difficult to see and understand, so let's look at a specific example.
A man and a woman fall in love because of the similarity in the fact that they love to travel very much, but over time it turns out that the main and main similarity is not to travel in love, but in the fact that they cannot live in one place (they are boring And bad) and they need to constantly run away from something and somewhere. Of course, 2 such birds with "broken wings" in reality are most likely not able to get along together, since their identical problems (which are very disturbing them), uniting, I will enhance many times, and the desire to travel will only temporarily close the eyes on Real problem.
In the end, they will simply begin to run away from reality in different areas And for one of them (or both) it will be the destruction of "love".
We all very much want to find people similar to us, but it is very difficult for us to find a similar thing in something good, and therefore we find a similar thing in something bad.
Very often in such respects, people begin to play the role as if they are actors. The husband in such a marriage can play the role of his wife's father, whom she loved and appreciated, but who beat her for the slightest mistake. The woman grew up and found her husband on the criterion "He also beats me - punishes."
Wife can play the role of her husband's mother. He loved and respected his mother, but she constantly watched his every step, limiting his freedom and his own decisions. The man grew up, established his business, but finding a similar wife, who also, as well as his mother, is watching him, could not continue to do his work further and became a drunkard.
As the saying goes: "You find a woman like your mother, and then you remember that" hate "your mother."
In such a pseudolubvi, people constantly lie each other for any reason, hide different meaningless little things and are trying to distort the information as if they work in intelligence. This unconscious attempt to "wash his hands" from such love - to escape and hide as soon as possible. Our subconscious understands our problem, and we ourselves, alas, no.
Be a self-sufficient person.
Such a person does not need to run away from myself, he constantly moves forward and is looking for new ways for self-development. Seeing a unstable person next to him, he will not go to her about it, but (in perfect version) It will help to find yourself.
This is the condition that millions of partners every day mistaken for love.
In fact, it is love based on "narcotic dependence" in which the drug may be sex, tenderness, attention and any other positive, which partners deliver each other. This love is very light and fast, it literally captures the minds of people and they can no longer be each other even a short time.
This is not real love, but this is an amazing love that gives a lot of joy and pleasure. The question is rather in duration: such love can quickly "go through", and even very quickly, especially if the partners do not know how to build and develop their relationships.
This is especially noticeable when a person refuses to improve for his partner or when he cannot sacrifice something minimal for mutual happiness.
Difference of love from love
The difference would seem not big, but the whole point is in it.
Note.
In the stage of love, there is no complex construction of relationships, as people in "narcotic love" are always inclined to simply close their eyes until time, without solving real problems truly.
True love is a finite, immeasurable phenomenon, the foundation of relations, stronger and the reliability of which is nothing.
All further philosophical disputes are about what "love" does not have their own real meaning, as a famous psychologist E. FroMom found a simple formula:
I need a man since I love it
When you need a person, because you love him - this is true love.
When you love a person, because you need it - this is a dependence, not love.
True love is not a drug, so if a situation arises when you need to leave your partner (if he has reasons for that), you should understand it and let go. It is unlikely that this will happen, as if it is still true love, it is mutual, but you should have the willingness to make absolutely everything for your partner.
In this love, there is no deception, in real love, a person speaks only the truth to his partner (even if such a truth confronts their relationship), because he thinks about his partner and does not want to hide something from him.
This love is a complex construction of relations, which even if very complex, in fact turns out to be very simple - this is a strange pattern of paradox shows that in this case any nested funds justify the result - happy relationships in the atmosphere of real love.
How to find your true love?
You will not believe, but it is quite simple. It is necessary not to look for love, but you only need to eliminate all the obstacles and difficulties on the way to achieve it. Accident is not accidental, but only if they do not interfere with anything.
Remember that people finding true love, always get better, kinder and happier. They change for the better, as love is the foundation of happiness and life in general!
After all, you can simply live, engage in your affairs, to build relationships based on mutual trust, work without thoughts about another person who constantly distract. Sooner or later everyone is thinking about, why do you need love at all, and it comes to the conclusion that it would be much easier to live without this feeling. In fact, everything is in the world harmonious and nicely. If there is love in the world, our existence without it would be doomed. Let's deal with why this happens.
Love is different. This feeling can arise towards parents, children, husband, friends and girlfriends, sisters and brothers, beloved characters from films and books. But the love of loved people with whom we contact every day is very important. Imagine that every day the insult is accumulated in you and hostility to your husband, because you do not like that in his character is not all arranged as you need. Then the answer to the question about why love needs, suggests itself. This feeling helps us to come to terms with little shortcomings of loved ones, look at them with understanding, take them as they are, let go of the offense and live in mutual respect.
Many people, especially adolescents, are thinking about why love needs if it is not mutual. The answer is very simple. If it means it is not love. This can be anything, for example, attachment, interest or desire to conquer a person. Love as such manifests itself in the fact that people wish for each other better, together plan their future life, ready to help each other, listen to each other. Between them there is no feeling of dislike, there are no permanent large quarrels or thoughts about a possible break. This concerns
It is unlikely that someone with a massacre with Mom thought about what he needed to look for new parents. The same principle is triggered with the second half. A person does not like his chosen one, if he thinks about leaving him.
To love you, you yourself should be able to show this feeling. It is not always possible to be tolerant and gentle in relation to loved ones, but this does not mean that you are cold to them. Usually to people whom we do not like, we do not experience any emotions, even if negative. Therefore, do not be angry if my mother asks you to wear a cap that you do not like, and your favorite person insists that you returned home early. This is a common concern in which love is manifested.
A person from nature is able to show this bright feeling. The problem is that it may not realize his potential if there is no object of love next to it. When someone, worthy of his attention, appears in a person's life, then there is no thought about why a person needs love and how to learn to experience this feeling.
The question, and love, do not ask people who are happy with their second half, as well as inspired by this sense of personality. It is difficult to imagine how much thanks to him was written poems, songs, painted by paintings, invented musical masterpieces, the feats are made, new phenomena are open. It is love that pushes people to realize themselves, it becomes better to work on their knowledge and skills. When there is a person who is ready to support you in case of failure, which believes in you with all your heart, you will definitely find a way to achieve success in any field of life. Love inspires, pushes on brave and spontaneous actions.
Often people take over the love of ordinary attachment or a desire to master someone. If you experience warm feelings for a person, and he is not ready to answer you the same, it's not love, this is the usual desire to experience it. It has nothing to do with the theme of our conversation. The basic rule of love is that it does not bring suffering.
Negative emotions can only be manifested in the fact that you are worried about a close person, you want to protect him from all adversity and suffering, try to help him at the time of difficulties and failures. In this case, the object of your love should also understand that yours and try to calm you, and not only words, but also actions. This is a kind of compromise, which should lead to harmonious coexistence. If you managed to achieve it, and at the same time you feel comfortable, then, most likely, you found our love, because for the sake of your loved one, it is not a pity to go for small concessions.
If you think that you can find love, then you are very mistaken. She herself will find you when you need. It will be shown when you won't expect it. You simply make a conclusion in time that you love. And this is good, as the expectation of love is the waiting for the trick. You will all the time you doubt, whether you opened the soul to the man. Therefore, stop waiting when the time comes, you will definitely feel that your time has come and that you found a person who can become a meaning of life for you.
Thus, love is a bright feeling that can't bear suffering. If you strive to experience it, then know that you need to run from the person who hurts you. Nothing to do it with love.
Admin.Love unites people. We are all in finding love for life. She begins S. maternal love And ends. And the reason is that a person needs it, he is not able to live without such a feeling. People ask themselves a question, whether it is necessary at all? What is the meaning of love?
People can not not love. And if you define love as the need of the soul, the unity of the internal worlds, then there is no barriers for this feeling. But standing, let's talk about love. This feeling deeper and even more, it implies under it highest level trust.
If you answer the question, why do you need love, then take a household level, as well as the idea of \u200b\u200bnature itself. Thus, love acts as an instrument of sexual selection among people. Therefore, love is required so that humanity does not suffer over the choice so that we fall in love with those who are truly deserved.
This is important for nature because people must multiply, as well as the kind of "man" improved in the course of natural selection. Previously, when the planet lived for the most part same-sex creatures, they all constantly multiplied. Such species evolve for a long time. And to accelerate such a process, people were divided into 2 floors. But consider other reasons for the need for love:
love is a drug. If you look at this sense of medicine, then endorphins appear in the body at the time of its origin. They cause euphoria and happiness. For this reason, people seek to experience this again and again. Near the beloved person feels better;
love relieves fear. For the sake of loved ones, we are capable of many feats. It is love who deprives people of fear, so it is important to appreciate such a feeling;
inspiration with love. Regardless of the reciprocity of feelings, love becomes inspiration. Thanks to her, there were a lot of great works of art;
love helps to create miracles. Under the influence of love, people can change greatly. This feeling is not given from birth, but those who received it from parents receive some benefits. Such people have no bouquet of complexes, they grow with a normal assessment. This is the most correct answer to the question, why love people are required. Without love, we will become closed, evil, we will. But it is worth falling in love, as we transform, change.
Based on the above, will answer the question, why, in fact, a person needs love. This feeling is important that we can choose for yourself, with which life, family and offspring will be better. After all, few people fall in love with ugly, weak, stupid people. They have weak genes, because families with them will be unnaviable.
But a question appears if we know that it is important to find a better partner, then why we are not able to determine who you should love, and who should not. In fact, some conscious personalities are able to manage their own feelings. And so that ordinary people are not mistaken, nature does not allow them so easy to manage their feelings. It continues to participate in natural selection, in improving the genotype and humanity as a species.
In love, people are looking for something their own. There are often aspirations and hopes for love. If a person did not find happiness in life, then in the lack of a high feeling he finds a source of problems. If the family is not all right, then. There is a mixture of concepts. Love is not always spontaneous who came over feeling. Often it is the result of serious work on themselves, which people do to preserve relations, family.
And the family requires us for many reasons. After all, if a person has no loved ones, ready to support him at any time, to help and become support, it is much more difficult for him to decide on something important. We need tenderness and warmth. Only a strong family, which is built on love, can help us.
Tenderness and love - best tools against old age. To health, the heart requires love, and increases the body's resistance to diseases. The phrase "love all ages are submissive" shows the essence of the problem. But the hot feeling passes, the true, persistent love remains. The need for proximity to people persists to old age.
With age, the brightness and intensity of such experiences weaken slightly, but still they are perceived positively. And this is a normal phenomenon for a happy life. People who are not allowed love, suffer from insomnia. From circulatory disorders, headaches, nervous. Love helps us to stay healthy and vigorous at any age.
March 3, 2014, 10:53"Love" is a very interesting word. We rather often pronounce it. "I love chocolate". "I do not like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I love mother". "I do not like rain". But if you ask us what "love", "love", you can hardly give a quick and clear answer. And certainly, different people will give a variety of answers. You may have never thought about this topic. "What do you think? Do I do not know what love is? "
On the one hand, you are right. Love is peculiar to all of us, love is a natural state of a person. On the other hand, a medium modern man left his natural state that there were few love in it. And the word "love" in the language has been preserved. So call them any attachment.
However, this is a problem not only modern man. Conferences always existed. Remember the story about Romeo and Juliet? In ancient times, this story is composed, but then the author called the relationship of heroes with love. But is there really love in relations in Romeo and Juliet?
Alas, art has a property convincingly to give a lie for the truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we involuntarily trust the author's thoughts. And the author is not obliged to be a sage and beggar. So that we remember it after centuries, he must be a brilliant artist, no more than that. How many artists of all times and peoples are misleading, poeticing their misstitution!
A long-time genius fills the modern "pop" of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than dry dirty puddles in sunny weather. But we trust this foam. And how not to believe if everyone sing the same thing?
Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.
What is love
Love belongs to the sphere of intangible, to the spiritual field of our life. And the spiritual is known for us only in part. No one can say what he knows about everyone. But, nevertheless, many properties of love, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance are known. And the knowledge of these individual qualities of love is great value for the person who wants to love and be loved.
Than love is not
Let's start with the consideration of those qualities or definitions that are attributed to love unfairly.
"Love is just a side effect of sexual attraction."
This error does not deserve even detailed consideration. His mistakenity is obvious from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, are able to love people with underdeveloped or fading sexual sphere. Love can be addressed to objects, sexual interaction with which is impossible. We condemn to those who think so.
"Love is a feeling."
Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.
When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life is changing. He becomes more love for all people. He is awakened by new talents or flourish previously discovered. He has more vitality.
If there are only feelings, but there are no all these changes - this is not love.
"Love is a passion." "Love is torment." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."
This is the most common mistake, so we consider it more.
The root of this error is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are admiral children. Very few can boast that their parental family was ideal. That mom and dad were each other first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us, children, paying for us the necessary completeness of their time and their love.
And if we are at least a little long, then, without knowing that we are trying to compensate in love relationship. That is, compensate for the love of other people to us love, affected by the parents. If a person is more seeking to give, think and take care of the happiness of a loved one, then in passion a person is engaged in vampirism. In passions, we register intensely, as we treat us, whether everyone gives us, they do not let someone else in the heart. Passion is peculiar to jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or rescue), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving his freedom. Passion is an egoism, and selfishness is opposite to love.
And who likes it is deprived of liberty, jealous, demand, pull all the juices?
Therefore, the relationship of passion is always painful. Where is the passion - there is torment, and pain, and illness.
The most sad thing is that all the love of passionate man is initially doomed. With other people, it is impossible to refund parental love. Everything falls like a holey vessel. You must first close the hole ...
Large admiration in childhood leads to a strong passion, which psychologists call addiction. An expression of this passion can be not only a love dependence, but also a narcotic, alcoholic, game, etc. is illness. And, unfortunately, very common. Dependent people are much larger than people who like to truly. Therefore, the voice of the dependent louder. Their not true of love is wider than the truth to know how to love.
Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love dependence. This can be judged by their grim end. Love does not torment and does not kill. Love is a creative condition. Loving happy is that there is a loved one that he is alive and well, that there is love. And addiction requires possession. Dependence torments and often brings a person to thoughts about suicide. However, in the work of Shakespeare, the parents of these unfortunate young people are also sufficient. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is obvious - from the sources to the final.
"Everyone can love."
Rain from time to time falls at all, but the water is held only in the whole vessel. From the hole, it quickly follows. Therefore, only spiritually holistic, adults are capable of love. To find the ability to love, you need to grow up, defeat your dependencies and passion.
"There is love at first sight."
There is love at first sight. But the path from love to love is big and difficult. According to the observations of psychologists, real love comes on average 15 years after the start family life.
"Sex does not interfere with love, but rather even helps."
People are constantly looking for excuses with their weaknesses. "The fact that I often eat sweets is in no way due to the fact that I have extra 15 kg of weight. Just I was not lucky with the figure. " "The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men is in no way due to the fact that I still can not create a normal family. Just I am not lucky in your personal life. "
In fact, it is connected. The fact that for several millennia the history of mankind who lost the virginity of women did not marry, was not somehow taken from the ceiling taboo. People knew exactly that family life with such a woman would be different in quality from life with the one who was taken by a virgin. It will not work with her such love, it will not work like a family.
There are psychological explanations of this phenomenon. It is suggested that the woman will remember previous men. It is said that by showing weakness to marriage, she can manifest it in marriage, that is, change.
But there is something at the spiritual level. Sexual communication of a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It affects somehow spiritual structures, forming invisible links between people.
Many women remember that their first man was very important in their lives. If it was a relationship of love, and the virginity was lost, the separation was experiencing them very hard. If there was no sexual communication, the parting was much easier. So, intimate proximity formed an invisible, but strong connection.
Perfectly, if this strong connection is with that man with whom you want to live all your life - with your husband. And if not? With the second male, the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What variety do you have a connection with your husband? 3rd or 10th?
If the words of Bulgakov are true about sturgeon, that it is only the first grade and no one, then about the relationship of love - especially. And our ancestors agreed only to the first grade. And we, imagining themselves with gourmets and subtle connoisseurs of various goods and amenities that civilization gives us, in the most important often eat simply with garbage.
Of course, everything applies to men. Indeed, at the second end, an invisible thread coming from a woman is a man. Therefore, on a man of responsibility for respecting their purity, no less than on a woman.
What happens? My husband connections of past intimate relations is associated with several women. These women are still connected with someone. The wife is also associated with several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out, we do not have a family, and some perverted super-Swedish families. In them, we are invisible to people with people, some of which we can, and the hand would not shine ...
There is no scientific explanation of this phenomenon. But the fact remains a fact, and everyone can see his confirmation in his life: with each new intimate connection, we waste something in your soul, and we are harder to love everything. Each new love (accompanied by sex outside marriage) is even below the variety compared to the first love. Passion at the same time can increase, but the passion will not replace us with love ...
The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. The reason for people hurry to get close to physiologically, psychologists call their inability to close spiritually. People did not learn, especially young, communicate, talk. Could close only the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communicating, no friendship is different from masturbation ...
I understand that most of those reading this article are no longer virgins. Do not dust! Fortunately, spiritual injuries are healing - spiritual means. Although, like bodily treasure, such treatment requires time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, invisible connections are torn.
The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop the repetition of old errors and repent. The amount of labor is in proportion to the number of crimes committed against his soul. I do not know whether complete healing is possible without such sacraments. Orthodox church As confession and communion. With them - exactly possible.
What love is actually
"Loving seeks to give, and not receive."
If a passionate, dependent person does not have anything except the cuts in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, then loving has a source of heat and light. And the one who has a source of light can not shine.
The sacrifice of a loving person, in contrast to the false, egoistic sacrifice of the dependent, is comprehensive. Loving does not count what he gave, and does not expose his beloved accounts. It is important for him that the beloved was happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to delight his beloved.
"Love does not limit freedom."
Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his beloved), loving free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of beloved. His sun in any case with him, so no matter how a loved one entered, his "sun" remains with loving.
Of course, loving seeks to be with his beloved, but not to such an extent to disrupt the freedom of a loved one.
"Love is the top of virtue."
Love is the highest of the good qualities of a person. Perfect love includes all virtues. If a person has preserved at least one vice, his love can no longer be perfect.
Here's how the Apostle Paul lists the good properties of love: "Love long-suffer, merciful, love does not envy, love is not exalted, does not proud, does not matter, not looking for his own, not annoying, does not think evil, it does not rejoice untrue, but the truth is not happy; Everything covers everything believes everything, everything hopes, everything transfers. Love never ceases "(1 Cor. 13, 4-8).
Why is love not compatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, it will appear in relationships with those whom we strive to love. Suppose the husband loves his wife. But not free from such a vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional sphere. And in some circle of communication, she will have more respects than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will be indigning to his wife, hopping. His love will suffer damage, because it is imperfect.
If there are several vices? Love is doomed ...
And imagine a person who describes the apostle Paul. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not mercenary, always calm, does not suspect others in something bad, does not gloomy, covers silence or the good word of the mistake of others, trusts others and hopes for them, transfers all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And with a friend, and as with a spouse, and with his father or mother. With such a person, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it's easy for us to love him - friendly, married or sons love.
"Love is the gift of God."
Our understanding of love will be flawed if we restrict ourselves to the idea that love is inside us, and we will not think about where she comes from where she came from. After all, the data of modern science refute the possibility of self-relocation of a living cell from nothing. They refute the possibility of human appearance uncontrollable from outside the evolutionary way (the universe still does not exist so much time as it would take for this, according to the theory of probability). And even more so there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared itself, as a result of accidents on micro or macro biological level.
The only theory of the origin of love, known to humanity, the one that love is given to us from God. According to his love and endless creative power, we were created by him. According to love for us, in order to save us, he sent her son to us, for the sermon and healing our sins of suffering. Those properties of love that we know, and which we listed above, fully comply with the properties of God. God loves us disinterestedly. He does not need anything from us, in addition, so that we are happy. He does not depend on us. He shines to all, and evil and kind, giving us all the benefits of the earth. He is merciful, easy forgiving us. He gave us a complete, even a terrible degree of freedom.
And the love for another person he gives us. What is love? Perhaps this look at the other man with the eyes of God. God under the outer mud and Mishuro sees in us the immortal, beautiful soul. She sees not only how bad we live, but also how beautiful we are in some minutes of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens the eyes of each other to two people. He, as if he puts us to his knees, opposite each other, hugs and says: "Look, children, that's what you really are!"
It's not by chance that, in mutual love, a person who lists us helps the disclosure of our talents and good qualities: After all, he sees everything good that it is laid, almost as clear as God himself.
And holy people love everyone. So, staying in God, they see the eyes of God of all people. And so they love us so much that even we are strange, how can you love us so much. After all, it would seem, we ourselves know what we are. And God for some reason appreciates the soul of every person more expensive than the whole universe!
"Love is almost always mutual."
Since love gives God who wishes to us happiness, it is not surprising that real love is almost always mutual. In rare cases, unnecessary love can be given to a person to solve important creative tasks, comprehension of some truths.
In most cases, "unrequited love" we are dealing not with love, but with passions.
Is love depends on us
I allocated this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.
If we accept that truth that love is the top of virtues, we will have to abandon myth that love is like good weather, herself comes, herself leaves, regardless of our desire. This myth is invented to take off responsibility for killing love. After all, we are able to cure from vices and acquire virtues. If we do not do this, we kill love. Love does not withstand our evil. In irritation from his passions, we score with the knees of God (after all, he gave us complete freedom, does not hold us with the power of us and at home) and cease to see each other with his eyes. And the disadvantages of each other after close communication we now see where it is clear! ..
What are we focused on in your life at that moment when love comes to us? At the career, pleasures, mining money, on creativity, on some successes, on sticking in networks of any dependence.
This means that we are almost never worthy of the love that we receive in vain. After all, everything that we are concerned, does not lead us to virtues, and therefore does not bring close to love.
I am deeply amazed when I think about the faith of God in us, his patience and love, which encourages him again and again give us a spark of his love. After all, he knows how we will dispose of this love in most cases.
How should we be in theory consider to this gift of love, which "unexpectedly grown"? Conducting that love is the most beautiful and valuable in our life, we would immediately have to revise the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the life of the parents moves to the side, giving way to the care of him. Just like love. When love came, it's time to realize that love came when we are absolutely not ready for her! Because we have little virtues, and therefore we do not know how to love. It is like a lack of food for a child from parents. Of course, we will put work on yourself, care for love. Otherwise, this child will die of hunger. Otherwise, this love will die.
So we would have to do if we understand something in this life.
And how do we actually do? In most cases, for us love is only the possibility of getting one more pleasure, sex pleasure with a particularly pleasant person. Instead of upbringing virtues, it turns out to enhance the vice of the bluff. This is the same thing that take a newborn baby behind my feet - and head about stone. What is the concern about his food, what are you talking about! ..
How God believes in us, how does he tolerate it and still gives us a spark of love!
Or maybe many already do not give, knowing how they will arrive? Maybe therefore many say that there is no love, or only a passion know that the sparks of love have never arrived before them?
Even if you feel about this, the last one is not lost for you. Let's start learning to love now, winning my vices, "God will give us your spark. And if we will strengthen your work when love comes, I will save it and eventually find out the depth of real love.
How to work on yourself?
It is necessary to overcome bad habitually and do good deeds. Good deeds - only really kind - need to approach us to love. Because good man usually does in love. And if we, not yet in yourself love, we are already trying to do good, love is gradually increasing in us.
And what if you are already married and are afraid to lose the love that you have?
If you are afraid of losing, then you will find courage to work in yourself. Family life is the School of Love itself. She constantly, several times on the day puts us before the question: "Who will I submit my love or his vices?" This question arises when the wife asks (or does not ask) to bring a bucket with garbage when we are lying on the sofa. This question arises when the husband came from work late. This question always arises when our egoism is trying to take over our love. Always say yourself: "I choose love." As admitted in his essay one a famous personHe, after many of the tests of family life, took the rule to never allow himself to say even mentally about his wife: "I do not like." This is a wonderful recipe. He just means that a person between passions and love always chooses love. He put it for the rule, because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. It requires efforts over himself and patience. But love rewards every effort with more than!
Overcoming love addiction
On the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction, I will answer in the figurative example.
Imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. In Russia, there are oil fields, in Belarus - no. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is unpleasant for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.
How can Belarus get out of this dependence?
Whatever value of Belarus is offered Russia for oil, addiction will still continue. And if Belarus will buy oil in another country instead of Russia, it will again be addiction. Therefore, the way out of the dependence one is to search and open the oil field on its territory and start it. If Belarus will produce a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but also will be the country from which others will depend on.
The same in relation to people. To stop depending on the heat, love of people, you need to start producing it warm, this love in yourself and share it with people.
Another example is from astronomy. There are stars - hot celestial bodies emitting light. And there are black holes - super-densite cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not produce anything, even light, only attract and absorb. In this example, the dependent person is similar to a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.
So, a person ceases to be dependent, if it starts to shine to other people and warmed them with its warmth.
What is oil in the first example and the second in the second? The "resource", which is so necessary for all people, is love. This is the most deficient and expensive resource in our time. Whatever who spoke about the value of money, glory, power, pleasures, without love, all these things are not happy. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.
Therefore, when we, overcoming our dependence, learn to shine to people, you need to look carefully for our love to be a real disinterested love. And not mercenary trade - I do you or give something material, and in response I am waiting for gratitude or love. So the dependent women are married, and then they are surprised: "How so, I gave him everything, I lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!" No, you gave him not all. You just gave him time and work. It is fine, if done from love. And you gave him your time in an unconscious calculation on his love. That is, at the level of love you were a vampire, tormented by him expressed and silent expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not endlessly to be a donor (although it could seem to see anything with governing lazy).
Therefore, we will learn real love, a real disinterested glow. Remember, like Mayakovsky: "Always shine, shine everywhere, until the days of the last Donets, shining and no nails! Here is the slogan of my and the sun! "
Maybe there may be a question - and where can Belarus take oil if it is simply not on earth of Belarus?
That love is different from oil. If there is oil, it is, while they do not spend it. And love appears exactly when you give it. And the more I spend it, the more it is in your tanks. In an effort to true love, making genuine good things, you will see how your heart is filled with love.
Love is not taken from nowhere, as life does not arise from nothing. Love has a source - as an inexhaustible oil reservoir, like the endless ocean of light, in which the stars are more than molecules in the ocean.
This source is so rich and so generous, which gives us love, without requiring nothing for yourself and only rejoicing because it fills us with love.
Time will come - and, if you go along the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will disabling this source for yourself, then you will see what I found more than I was looking for ...
Overcoming its dependence, we learn how to shine unhappy who need our love. Move people are no less pleasant than getting from them. This is genuine independence, joy and value of life.
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Dmitry Gennadyevich, read your article, it was very cognitive for me and super cool! Please give me an answer to one question. She says that he loves me very much, but it is accustomed to be alone and will always love the 3rd 10th well, I don't tear it all the time you need a family and I can not give you it, I can't understand it? Thank you. from uv. Rapper (Joe Free) Dima (Joe Freway), Age: 27 / 03/11/2019 Thank you - for the penetrated by the Sun, a bright, unmandant look at the world, for the most sincere Prayer prayer Own existence !!! olga, Age: 49/09/09/2018 Thank you) I found an article by chance and surprised, because my mother told me the same words. You only confirmed my thoughts and mother tips, for which I express my gratitude. Unfortunately, not a virgin, age: 17/21/21/2018 Thank you, you wrote what was somewhere in the depths of me Tanya, Age: 31 / 18.01.2018 Thank you very much, the article was very stupid, I agree with everything, it is interesting how the romantic and intimate side of this love looks like between M. and J. Maybe there is an article. Katerina, Age: 24/02.11.2017 Thank you for the article. Lyudmila, Age: 37/19/12/2016 Very often, people are trying to explain the things that they explain simply not given. As you can not hear the radio waves or see infrared radiation with my eyes, so the carnal man does not understand the spiritual. Well, the spiritual need to think spiritual God, when we come to him. Bog in Christ is poured into us and with him we get everything he is, including love, because God is love! Without God, we remain angry, no matter how hard you try to change ourselves! Vladimir, Age: 68 / 04.12.2016 Interesting article. One of the most capacious and at the same time broadly responding to such a question as "What is love?" Thanks to the author, very cool, much useful in the article. The only thing my opinion is that you need to give and emit love correctly and serve as people. Otherwise, there will be people who mildly speaking will begin to abuse your love, vampire. And the same husband can build a career getting energy from his wife. And after to go, finding a fresh source of energy. It is very important to understand what people you surround yourself. And both all cosmic bodies and people affect each other. Therefore, it is necessary to take into account what the surrounding people have any impact. Respect and gratitude from the pure heart is the most important thing in communication. And most importantly, honest to remain with themselves. Love everyone and gratitude !!! Tatiana, Age: 35/23.09.2016 Sasha, Age: 36/06/08/2016 Thanks for the great article. As one friend said "the thinner and above the matter, the harder to describe these words." Recently, I often think about the essence of love, and this article is very consonant with my reflections. The idea is pronounced accurate and clear, even though the theme is complex and thin. Once again I come to thinking if I want to be involved in a miracle of love, I have to work on my soul, over my vices and passions. Anna, Age: 31 / 20.06.2016 This is a good article, but not for the portal of realists who have power in the truth. Here, as well as everywhere philosophical specles, and without evidence. I am very glad that the author of the article has gained a state of love. The main focus on the spiritual leaving (with a Christian sense) and the method of "opposing" about psychological deviations. The main conclusion: love is spiritual work. But it looks more like self-sacrifice or compassion, but the love is where, damn? Georgy, Age: 28/17/2016 Thank you very much for your conclusions and reflections. They left a deep mark and a response in my soul and I understood how you need to act further on my life path. In many questions, they have found answers that will help me live on. More: Thank you so much !! ! Natalia, age: 38/21/21/2016 Reading this and similar articles, again there is already a fooling desire to do something, one can say that this is some kind of inexplicable "motivator", even though, in principle, I understood everything written in the subconscious, when reading everything again becomes To its places, again lights the light in the soul, and let us hold the Lord this time to keep him longer. "Do not reject me from your face and the Spirit of Your Holy Father from Mene!" Oleg, Age: 18/14/04/2016 Thank you Dmitry, much now obviously, much is understandable, and mistakes and behavior), thank you and yes keep you the Lord))))) Alexander, Age: 30 / 18.02.2016 "Love does not limit freedoms" ... I reached this place and completely exhausted ... you excuse me ... well, how does love limit freedom, eh? That is, live, my love, where you want, who you want, do what you want, eat and drink that you want - and I am already glad that somewhere you have ... it looks like a mental deflection, and not on love. If you love a person - you want to be with him, it is obvious! And if you do not like it in response, then you do not want to live with you - it is also obvious! This is called loneliness - and it is bad, and not from some kind of children's short-lived. Why dig up so deeply? The person lives here and now - if you love you, you have money, interesting work - then where are the children's resentment?))) And if you got sick, because of this, I lost it, lost work, lost money, it became elevated, became To yell on my wife, my wife was offended and threw you, etc., and so on - then here again a childhood has nothing to do. Currant, age: 36/26/2005 Thank you, you for this article, God himself showed me, because now I wish to open this source of love in myself, the one that is not looking for his own and be happy! Natalia, Age: 26 / 30.01.2015 I fully agree with this article, only after 10 years I began to understand how much I love my husband, and when he broke a postbook and became a wheelchair, we became closer even more, I thank God every day that he stayed alive and next to me, little Whoever believes, but I am happy. We are 18 years old, he has 3 years old on the wheelchair, thought that over the years it will be harder, but oddly enough on the contrary it is easier. Angelica, age: 38/16/01/2015 Thank you, Dmitry !!! There is hope!!! IRA, Age: 34/11/2015 "But, alas, sex without communication, no friendship is different from masturbation ..." In my opinion, onanism is much better ... But, unfortunately, if a person could not create a family, he cannot remain a virgin forever .... Zhenya, Age: 32/28.2014 Everything, I am looking for true love! Without it, the light is not mil. And the meaning of life without it is no simple. Avatar, Age: 25 / 05/08/2014 Dear Vladimir! Thank you very much for the article. I read, trying on myself, I realized that I was still very far from real love. Write and further such articles, they greatly help young people decide. Aid of God in your work! Maria, Age: 20/23.03.2014 Vladimir, God is love, this is the essence. True love is from God, the ability and desire to love - too, whereas can we talk about love, rejecting who gives her? Anna, Age: 27 / 24.02.2014 Very good article! The relationship between vices / passions and love is simply obvious, but unfortunately a few understand it. 7 defects from the point of view of Christianity very well describe ways to deviate from life in love and joy. Indeed, the majority says "I love", implying "I am attached." True agrees with Konstantin, religion here were in vain. It does not matter what kind of governing by this. Maybe there are green men, and maybe love is God. The main thing is the essence. Vladimir, Age: 31 / 16.01.2014 thanks for the article, in fact, everything written I had before and only reading I understood that I lost, but I would surely return thank you. alexey, age: 31/12/2013 Love comes how milk has a mother. The more feed, give, the more milk is formed. As soon as you stop feeding - disappears at all. Thanks to the site as a whole and, especially, D. Seyenik and A. Kolmanovsky. light, age: 38/30/2013 I read-read, like a good article, postulates the right things, and then Batz - and impossible without church. And I can't continue to perceive the article. Konstantin, Age: 24/23/23/2013 Andrey, Age: 42 / 24.02.2013 Save you Lord, Dmitry !! In fact, you put out the dogmatic basis of love by a simple and intelligible language !!! Although I do not agree a little with some details, but in general, your word gracious and very necessary people who are confused in life not always only Because they are evil! Just do not everyone know what priorities you need to adhere to firmly, to the blood ... To grow to real saving love ... Your position is very close to me !! Once-a lot of gratitude you from one exhausted soul ..)) ) Ilya, Age: 52 / 01/20/2013 I'm afraid not to find the right words to express my gratitude ... Thank you! Thank you! Thanks for you a thousand times !!! And thanks to God that he pushed me to find and read your article! I read and find answers to my questions ... That is how I understand love for myself. But for a long time I did not understand why there is no it in my life .. I know that I was not able to love this love, I didn't know how to love .. and I do not know how. And how much and for a long time I still need to work on yourself so that God gives me the opportunity to feel this happiness ...... By the way, one gift of God (although what I say, of course, not one) I have already received: it is during reading Your article understood that I forgave very important people in my life .. Which should not be done for a long time well! And .. a few holes in the vessel of my soul, with God's help, managed to patch :) Elena, Age: 22 / 07.11.2012 I got it. Forget about sex and begin to love. Joke of course. But this conclusion can be done, running on the article. But God just awarded us with sexuality and sexual needs. So to reduce the love of women and men to respect and friendship, in my opinion, is not entirely correct. What arises in us when we fall in love? Roman, age: 30 / 26.07.2012 Very good article reading. Here you write "Love is almost always mutual" well what you wrote "almost." I am now in such a state of unreserved love. This is when you give to your beloved person, and so I want to get part of his heat. And how to love when love is unfinished? Just continue to give? Vladimir, Age: 32 / 14.07.2012 All true I think also, and not that I doubted, but did not meet people with such an understanding. Now I am happy, because I read your article and my confidence has increased photostically. Thank you! How would now meet a person who understands it too! Grana, Age: 36 / 12.04.2012 Thank you so much Valery, Age: 18 / 12.04.2012
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