Hello dear readers! In a fit of anger, we can say very hurtful words to a loved one, just to hurt him. The most unpleasant thing is that after this bastion is taken, the phrase is uttered, it ceases to be scary and begins to periodically pop up in conversations further. We are adjusting and preparing ourselves for what now seems inevitable.
If your wife says she doesn't love, it means she needs a change. What exactly, how should a man behave, why is she still not leaving and getting divorced, but continues to repeat these offensive words?
Doesn't she understand that the phrase hurts a lot? I will try to answer all these questions in this article, and also give a guide to action, which you should definitely pay attention to.
No one wants to hear the phrase that they do not like him. Try at least for a while to move away from this information and think about yourself and your relationship with a woman.
Reject the fear of parting, forget for a while that she can leave, pull yourself together and. In general, throw out the image of a particular woman from your thoughts for a while. You are most likely not worried about her. It's just an illusion.
We get used to a certain course of events that make up our lives. Naturally, since life goes on with a specific person, then most of the traditions are associated with him. The sooner you realize that there will be no “as before” anyway, the more benefits you will get in the end.
Suppose that if, despite the dislike, the wife is not, then there are still feelings, although for now this should not matter to you. The phrase itself says that a woman can no longer continue to live the way you did before. The girl can't handle it emotionally. It seems to her that she invests a lot in this relationship, but does not see a response from you.
For her, by and large, it’s not so important whether you break up or not, the main thing is that everything changes, however, your wife cannot make a clear decision. Are you ready to help her cope with an unpleasant moment and once again solve problems? Do you want to move forward in the direction she sets? Do you really need this family?
In the head of every man, the prevailing thoughts will now be: “She does not love me, but why does she continue to live with me”? You focus on a woman, but pay attention to the wrong details, do not move further.
Most likely, the wife has told you before that she does not like certain moments in her life together. You may have overlooked this information. Now is the time to remember everything and think about whether everything suits you specifically. What do you want and what are you striving for?
It does not happen that one in a couple is fine, and the other is uncomfortable.
If you don’t understand for the life of you what specifically doesn’t suit your spouse, it’s best to ask her.
I think she will make a lot of claims. Do not swear, argue, shout and. It won't lead to anything. She didn’t think for a day about what she didn’t like, she already tried to cope with everything herself. It didn't work out. You will not be able to say something new that will affect your spouse and turn her world upside down.
In order to establish relationships, you need to delve into the information. If you do not accept it, then this is another reason to think about whether such a relationship is needed at all. Moreover, if nothing changes, and the wife continues to think about problems, sooner or later she will still file for divorce or leave, no matter how much she wants to.
Men are used to deciding everything, so try to do it again. Don't argue, don't argue, don't interrupt. Let the woman speak, perhaps this is enough for her to look at you with different eyes and give this relationship another chance.
After a conversation and through simple calculations, you can understand what to do and whether you are ready to give your woman a new happy life and
Question to the psychologist:
Hello!
My wife and I have been living together for five years.
And two years of marriage.
It all started with the birth of my son (will be two years old in December), the relationship began to change. The last half a year I began to feel a cold attitude towards myself. And on the ninth of October in the evening, my wife and I sat down and talked (calmly without swearing), she said that something had happened and there were no previous feelings. All this time I tried to win her heart, but nothing has changed.
Now we live together very well communicate without swearing.
I offered to start over, but she says she doesn't want to.
And I realized for myself that I love her and my son and do not want to let them go. Life without them has lost its meaning.
What should I do?
Is there a chance to return the love of his wife?
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't cheat.
Family always comes first, we just moved away from each other after the birth of the child.
I worked all the time while my wife was on maternity leave, there was never enough money. Now I got a new job and I make good money, only everything began to improve financially, as everything collapsed.
Although I worked a lot (often without days off), I always helped around the house. Initially, after this conversation, the wife said that she did not put a concrete wall between us, and after a while everything seemed to be getting better, the wife began to smile, as if she had blossomed, but then she was sad again and when I asked her what was the matter, she wrote to me that I didn’t need to try anymore return everything as it was (that she sees how I try) but does not see the future with me.
What can I do to get my love back? Or is it over? Thank you.
Good afternoon, Roman!
You wrote that you and your wife have been together for five years. But after the birth of your son (now he is two), it means that in the third year of your life together, you and your wife suddenly for some reason began to cool off towards each other, move away?
As I see it, you live quite ordinary and simple. Only you work, and even for many hours (sometimes without days off), and your spouse is a housewife?
Do you love your wife very much, do you help her in every possible way both at home and morally, take care of her and fulfill any desire?
Naturally, you have a question: what is the matter? I give my all to my wife, and in return I get a dismissal, a cold, maybe sometimes indifference to me? And at this moment you begin to blame yourself, look for a possible mistake that you inadvertently made in relation to your spouse in order to correct it, so that everything becomes “as it was” again.
If you and I were at a face-to-face consultation, I would ask you how you and your wife met? What were you doing before meeting her? How did they achieve it? (Though quite meet and vice versa). But, having only the information that I have, I still dare to assume that my conclusions from what I have written are correct. Questions would only prompt you to solve the problem. Ask them to yourself in your free time and reflect.
To put it bluntly, your discord occurred precisely during the crisis period: in the third year of marriage. At this time, the spouses, as it were, bore each other, take off the rose-colored glasses of love and begin to see an ordinary person next to them. They begin to notice behind him all his mistakes, oversights and misconduct. It is not for nothing that among psychologists it is often called “disgust”. It is not long, and if the couple is not too emotional and does not exaggerate everything, it often passes not so noticeably.
As I can see, you are a soft person and, most likely, vulnerable ... Sensitive, that's why this period became noticeable to you. And you immediately began to worry: what's the matter, what's wrong?
But a little time passed, the period began to recede and “it seems that everything began to improve, the wife began to smile, as if she had blossomed.”
But you did not let yourself breathe a sigh of relief, but continued to watch and wait for something that would come again and disturb your peace. You began to look for the reasons for this period, in order to find the culprit in it, if it's not about you: maybe it's about money?
But it's not about them, in fact, too. Since no matter how much you earn (previously - not quite a lot, now - quite a lot), the situation has not changed. Therefore, it is clear that this is not the case at all.
Just like you and your wife, you are tired of the so-called everyday, boring and smooth life, in which absolutely nothing happens: everything goes so smoothly and ordinary that it is not at all noticeable that you live. Simply put, you're both stuck and tired of the day-to-day routine.
All you both need to do is diversify your life. At least rest, vacation, any interesting pastime, then both of you will be charged with new impressions, emotions and life will regain its colors.
The second thing I would advise you to do is stop playing the role of a servant for your wife. How strange and, perhaps, it does not sound rude to you, but it is true. You are always there, ready to fulfill to the best of your ability, of course, all her whims. Why would she show interest in you, if so? Why worry about the fact that you are not around or that something happened to you. As unusual as it may sound, she has lost an interesting man in you. Therefore, I propose the third step: devote a little time to yourself, to your hobbies. She should see you as a self-sufficient man, the meaning of which does not revolve only around her desires.
My wife said she no longer loves me and wants to 
get a divorce. The essence of the problem: I am 27, she is 26. I never cheated on her, I always spent my free time with my family, I took her with me to various meetings,
didn't go anywhere without her. He always surprised her with something, spent romantic dates and so on. We have been married to her for 8 years. We have a son who is 6 years old. There was another son who died a couple of hours after birth. We've been through this together for a long time and still haven't left at all. In principle, after that incident, we began to quarrel over trifles, swore often, then put up, we always found a way out of any situation. And literally in September of this year, when I went on a business trip, two weeks later, she told me about the divorce, said that she was tired of everything, that she had stopped loving me and wants to live only with her son and that she needs no one except her son. I began to find out what was the reason for all this and one day, having arrived home from a business trip, I decided to go to her social network, namely, contact (although I hadn’t done this before, because I was one hundred percent sure of her, because she never gave me no reason to doubt her) and what I saw, but I saw her correspondence with some young man, in which they wrote to each other about how they love each other and miss each other, in simple words it was a sweet correspondence. After that, I waited for her from work and began to find out who he is and why she wants to get a divorce? I asked what she lacked in life, that she behaved this way, because she had an all-loving husband, son, apartment, car, I found a job with a good salary, I always did everything for her. She explained that she didn’t have anything with him (I’m sure of this, because she’s not one of those), but she corresponded with him because, as she said that she was just good with him, she saw him only a couple of times and knows only by correspondence. She said about me that I was a good husband and father, but after the death of my son, according to her, I stopped paying attention to her. Yes, I do not argue, I paid less attention, because I thought all the time about where and how to get money to support my family. It’s not that I stopped paying attention to her, I just did it less, but she perceived it in her own way. During the quarrels, she tried to say this, but I did not hear her, I thought that everything would be fine, that she would never think of leaving, because we were married. I just didn't take the whole situation seriously. And because of this, she lost all her love for me, all her feelings cooled down. I heard her and decided to change everything, I don't want her to leave. I love her madly and want to try to restore the family, I want to save the relationship, I got her to stop communicating with that person by talking heart to heart with her. I am ready for anything for her, because she is not a stranger to me and I want her to be happy, I did everything I could to save the family, but she does not want this, she listens to me, but does not hear. She says that it’s not about him, that she doesn’t plan anything with him, that she feels good with me, but only at a distance, that she wants to live her life and that no one touches her, because she is tired of everything, that she doesn’t who does not want to be, only with his son. And I don't know what to do, I'm powerless. I want to be with her, but she is impenetrable, as if she was reprogrammed, I don’t know what else to do, how to make her love me again, how to return her to this world. After the loss of her son, she was very worried, and a month ago, as if she had been wedged, she generally closed herself in and did not want anything. I understand that she is confused, I want to revive her, teach her to live again and love again, but she rejects any word of mine, decision, help. She doesn't want anything, she just wants to be alone. She said that she tried to shout to me that I pay little attention to her, but she was tired of it. Now I'm trying to get through to her heart, but now she doesn't hear me, she doesn't want anything. I suggested to her that in order not to get divorced, live separately for some time in order to gather her thoughts, maybe she will still change her mind and decide to return to the family. I believe and hope that she can still return, maybe she will understand that I truly love and appreciate her. I don't know what else to do, I'm screaming for help. I feel like cats are scratching, because it's not so easy to break up with a loved one and I still hope that she will change her mind and come back. As she said that someday she would regret that she decided to leave, but not now. How to be? Return or all is lost and try to come to terms with it?
Hello Vladimir.
Probably you and your wife were not able to fully survive the loss of a child and your experiences of loss led to the fact that you moved away from each other. You can work with this topic with a family psychologist, as well as undergo couples therapy in order to figure out what is happening in your relationship, what is missing for whom, and whether you are ready to care for and support each other.
Your wife's condition, perhaps at the moment, is less resourceful than yours. What you describe may be a sign of depression. It will not be superfluous to consult a specialist in order to undergo treatment.
If your wife is not yet ready to go to a couples meeting with a psychologist, you can start with an individual consultation to analyze what your wife does not like and take certain steps to convince her to go to couples therapy with you and try to restore the relationship and help together each other to bear your grief.
If you'd like to contact me, I'll be happy to help you.
Sincerely, psychologist,
Makarova Lola.
Many families are faced with the loss of mutual feelings - years of living together pass, love dissolves, sensitivity and attention are erased, and everyday life turns into a second job filled with duties and claims. Less empathetic men are not able to notice changes in the behavior of their wife, because outwardly she smiles, performs the usual actions, listens, and inside her a plan for a future life without him has long matured. How to get your wife back?
Men are focused on making money, public opinion and social status are important to them. They forget to bestow warmth, care, manifestations of love on the wives they have already achieved. This is considered the norm of behavior, so the male gender is not able to notice the beginning of problems - they immediately have to face the consequences in the form of "I was abandoned and betrayed." How to return the love of his wife? Screaming and blaming her is definitely not worth it - you need to calm down and consider the situation.
Why did the wife fall out of love? Why did you get cold if everything is fine? In fact, feelings do not pass suddenly. This must be preceded by a certain push - frequent scandals, financial difficulties, heavy losses. The main reason why a woman stops loving her husband is the everyday life - monotony can kill even the strongest feelings.
On the one hand, it's great to wake up together, have breakfast together, watch your favorite movies in the evenings. But on the other hand, the regular performance of the same actions leads to irritability and negativity. Spouses are so worn out that they become a burden, and not a soulmate. A woman needs shocks, surprises, unusual actions so that she feels those “butterflies in her stomach” and understands “they love me”, she is still dear to her husband, and he is ready to surprise and conquer her. For men who take care of their women, the question never arises: “how to get back your beloved wife”?
Men will say that they are tired after work, they have neither the time nor the desire to be a romantic, because after some 10-12 hours they will again have to go to the office and work. In their thoughts, only “they don’t feel sorry for me, they don’t appreciate me” is spinning. But the second halves do not need daily manifestations of care - it is enough to come up with something interesting or at least unusual for the family once every 2 months, and she definitely will not have thoughts of leaving her husband.
The situation is similar in intimate relationships - monotony will kill even sexual desire. If the scenario is repeated every time, sooner or later the woman will not survive. Neglect of the spouse is also the cause of lost feelings - if on weekends a man behaves selfishly, seeks to meet friends, play computer games or do other “own business”, then there is no doubt that in the near future the wife will either immediately report that she has fallen out of love, or scandals start. A loved one should be included in the plans for the weekend. No one restricts freedom, you can alternate holidays with family and holidays in the company of friends, but the regular absence of a husband leads to indifference.
What are the signs that she really fell out of love with her husband? Pay attention to a few things:
There are also secondary signs:
These are the main signs of indifference on the part of a woman - how to behave if at least one of the points arose in a relationship? Measures must be taken before the love is completely extinguished!
How to return the love of his wife? Many men mistakenly believe that for this it is enough to make a solid gift, for example, to buy a car or an expensive piece of jewelry. However, women notice not the amount of money spent on them, but the units of attention paid to her. Gave flowers for no reason - plus one, invited to the cinema - one more, got up earlier and brewed coffee - another plus. Small deeds are remembered by women much more strongly than cash gifts.
But what if the wife fell out of love and is determined to leave? Or does the wife say she doesn't love me anymore? It is unlikely that in such a situation she will want to go to a concert or a romantic walk in the park. The critical moment has come, and you need to act quickly, thinking through every step.
How to return the love of your wife, if you know for sure that you are ready to fight for her? Use the right ways to help build relationships:
How to get your wife back? Change everything! If earlier a man behaved like an absolute egoist, did not pay attention to his beloved, now he must show understanding. It is not necessary to constantly remind her of her shortcomings, it is important to listen to a woman, help and support her. After all, you won’t be able to return your wife if you promise her a completely new life, having changed only for a few days. Next time she will leave again, and most likely forever.
How to save a family if the wife fell out of love? Before answering this question, a man needs to understand whether he wants to return his wife who has fallen out of love? At this stage of life, there are two options for the development of events - to fight for the love of the person you cherish, or to accept the situation, and, as if nothing had happened, start looking for a new woman. When refusing a spouse, you should evaluate the entire period of your life together, remember how it all began, how you cope with everyday issues, with raising children. Consider how your wife treats you, how much attention she shows.
If a couple has really good relations, there are no special scandals, and there can be no talk of betrayal, then there is something to restore. But when the spouses suffer together, constantly make mutual claims, then perhaps it is worth gaining willpower by taking this step - to get a divorce. However, you can leave at any time, so any psychologist will advise you to first try to reconcile.
We unanimously decided that we would keep the pregnancy. A son was born. Zhenya by itself was not up to me. And somehow I imperceptibly got involved in all sorts of online dating. Cheated on his wife, I will not hide. He did this more than once or twice, but his wife knows only one case. Prior to that, all the time somehow got out. When she found out, she kicked me out with things. I lived with my parents for a few days. Believe it or not, but it was such a shock for me, as if the veil had been lifted from my eyes. I realized that I love my wife and son and I want to save the family. Somehow I managed to beg forgiveness from my wife, and since then there have not even been thoughts of betrayal. All this happened in October. It's January now. After that, he lived with his wife until mid-December. And they confessed their love to each other and that was it. And they fought too. I promised her to change and I keep my word, I try to be more affectionate with her, I give her the opportunity to take a break from everyday life (I work, and my wife is sitting with the child. He will soon be 2 years old). At that time, my wife finished her second studies, I took a vacation to sit with the child. In mid-December, she and the child went to her parents. When I saw her off, everything was fine, at first they called each other, everything was fine, but on December 31 I called her and felt something was wrong in her intonation. What an indifference. He asked what happened, she replied, in general, that she did not love me and wanted to file for divorce. During our subsequent telephone conversations with her, she said that she wanted to go nowhere. That the child will remain with her anyway. And many other things that made my hair stand on end. I asked her a question, but we lived well for these three months. She replied that it was an attempt to return everything, and when she left, she realized that she did not love me. I do not know what to do. He told her about his feelings, but it is not convenient for her to talk about this topic on the phone. I was going to go, but I didn’t, I decided that the family’s current expenses were more important. After 6 days, she arrives with her son. He says we'll talk. I tried to convey to her on the phone what to think about the child, she says, "but what about my happiness?" I am ready for anything for them, for the sake of the family. I know that in many respects I am guilty before her and before my son. I don’t want to get divorced, as I imagine our son, how bad it will be for him, so a lump in my throat right away. I am very afraid that in the conversation that will take place upon arrival I will not be able to convince her to save the family. On the phone, she said that she would not fight. I said I would. I don't know what to do here. Ready for any options, just not a divorce. Awareness of the value of the family does not come immediately, but it comes. I love her very much, but it’s as if she was simply replaced. Tell me how to behave when I talk, what should I do if I can’t convince her? And how to save a family if possible?
