Fairy tales always end the same way: "They lived happily ever after."
But if you adapt this statement to real life, in some situations it is necessary to make adjustments, for example: "They lived happily ever after, despite the fact that the husband once almost left the family for his mistress."
It is pointless to deny, a huge number of women face a similar problem. More than half of married couples manage to save their marriage and pass this difficult test.
What to do if the husband left for another woman is it really as tragic as it seems ? – let's talk about it today.
What should a woman do, what should she hope for in a situation where a man leaves for another woman, but does not take his things and does not file for divorce?
The man himself is not sure that “this is the end” of marriage. On a subconscious level, he did not break off relations with his wife, did not rule out the possibility that he would want to return. Yes, it’s interesting, yes, a new passion attracts and beckons, but there is no confidence in a new relationship - habit, fear and ... love for a spouse interfere.
Yes, he admitted that he met another. Yes, he said he was leaving his wife. However, you can’t throw many years of marriage out of your life, you won’t erase pleasant memories. It is not easy for a man to accept the idea that children will grow up without his constant presence or with a new "dad". Men are not made of iron, they are made of flesh and blood, like us. It's not easy for them either. They are also worried.
It is not easy for a man to get rid of the fear of a collapsing habitual way of life. Therefore, he reserves the right to return to his wife and children. What if he doesn't like where he's going?.. - Sounds outrageous, doesn't it? But let's not judge. We all make mistakes and we have the right to choose.
You don't have to endure your pain. Let it burst out with a wild cry from your exhausted soul and weightless body - this is exactly how a woman who has been betrayed feels. At first, you need to cry, scream, break dishes, call with threats or with pleas to return. At first, you should not even want to live on ... You need to hurt. You need to fully experience the loss of a relationship, do not be afraid of it.
You have to go through this. It's unavoidable.
And then, when you let go a little, admit to yourself: Both are to blame for what happened - That husband took a mistress have andIt's my fault, I don't deny it. Why did this happen? - I'll think about it now.
You accept the truth and the new circumstances that have developed in your life today. Don't self-flagellate. Just accept the facts. This is a very important step.
Now list the things you regret: was rude, forgot about herself and her interests, did not praise her husband, did not show ingenuity in sex, did not support him and did not intercede when it needed to be done.
Next important step:
List the things your husband did/didn't do that ended up causing you to do the things you now regret (see point above).
A wife's behavior is the result of her husband's attitude towards her.
In one film, a woman did not want to let her husband go, tied him to a chair with ropes and thus tried to sort things out. It was a comedy film. In life, faced with such a situation, spouses will not be laughing .. -
Take seriously, in an adult way, what I have written below. Or don't read if you want to take revenge and wallow in your sadness.
The next important step is not to block the man's path and let him go.
This is the time when a woman needs to decide whether she will be ready to take him back if he wants to return. What will their “new” marriage be like? Under what conditions is it possible? What will each of you have to do?
The difficulty is that taking him back into the house is not difficult! Another thing will not be easy: you will need to forgive betrayal, never again remember your husband’s misconduct and step over your spouse’s affair, continuing to love each other, respect and try for relationships.
Are you ready for this? ..
Why am I talking with such confidence about taking my husband back? Because in most cases it is inevitable! Men rarely abandon their family in favor of their mistress - the statistics of such cases, fortunately, are small. It takes 17 months for a man to “try there” and come back.
The first and third thought that comes to a woman's mind after the departure of her husband: "How to get him back?" The second thought has several variations. The most common: “Yes, and roll on all four sides!”, - At what stage are you?
In order to return a husband who went to his mistress, internal work on oneself is necessary, because. external actions in relation to a man are very limited. You cannot force him to return, you cannot take him by force, by starvation. The best you can do is arrange a meeting. Find an excuse yourself (handover/parenting/important message/parting gift), or arrange a "random" meeting.
♦ excellent mood and tranquility. In order to train yourself, you need to mentally scroll through the upcoming meeting with your husband many times.
What will you talk about? - Distracted topics (work, a new hobby, a sudden meeting with friends, the success of children).
The most difficult thing is to restrain yourself, your emotions, which can have a huge run-up - from hatred to unbridled passion. You need to stock up on endurance;
♦ well-groomed, neat appearance. Choose the classics - elegant and not too "for him";
♦ former enthusiasm. Do you remember how you were at the beginning of your relationship? - Wit, sense of humor, charm, naivety and spontaneity. Here is the one-man theater for you.
I understand it's hard to smile when you want to cry. But if you want to return, you have to make an effort on yourself. If it’s hard, I’ll reveal a secret - it’s easier to come to terms with your position as a victim, feel sorry for yourself, get angry at your opponent and give up, allowing yourself to get fat and, sorry, dumb. Efforts in this case do not need to be applied - everything will work out by itself. But it’s not worth counting on the fact that personal life will improve - with or without a husband.
You can fight for a close, dear and beloved person, initially letting him go.
Or file for divorce, not allowing yourself to become dependent on his actions and decisions.
There are situations - quite common - when Husband went to mistress, then he began to visit the previous family again, first with a reason, then without. The wife quietly rejoices, but prematurely - the husband still does not return. The mistress is angry - what are you all dangling about ?! And so for a long time, here and there.
I am sometimes reproached for being too categorical when I urge to give a traitor a kick in one place - they say, male psychology is arranged differently. Well, today I will tell you about the psychology of such men. I will even tell you how to make a man stop jumping back and forth. Don't forget to dust yourself off after reading.
At my last job, I had several male colleagues - they all walked, regardless of age. One of them was frank about his adventures, I even knew his mistress. When I asked - “You understand that your wife, too, can sooner or later take advantage of the fact that you are not always at home and get someone?”. To which he replied very emotionally: “Damn! No, first I’ll get divorced, then I’ll bury!” To my great satisfaction, after about 3 years, his wife still cuckolded him. Do you think he stole someone or ran to get a divorce in order to finally go to his mistress? No matter how. He turned into a tearful, snotty nonentity who sobbed on the shoulder of his colleagues, his mistress, his wife's friends and drank valerian with corvalol. Having survived the first stress, he directed all his efforts to restoring relations with his wife. I realized that I was a bad husband, I began to learn how to cook, etc.
This is not the only story. The main mistake of wives who decide to keep unfaithful husbands is in excessive diligence. Show that she is better than her rival, focus on children, family, etc. Understand one thing: if a man has no intention to leave, he will not leave, even if you try, even if you don’t. If he wants - the same. Therefore, the best thing you can do is speed up his departure if he is thinking, or put him out if he is not thinking about anything and is not going to leave. I'll explain it in terms of psychology a bit later. I do not advise you to change in response - because here the result is 50 to 50. Maybe he will forget his mistress and rush to return you, or maybe he will put you out with a black eye. Very often, after the wife's reciprocal betrayal, for some time, relations improve, including sexual ones. The husband needs to prove that he is better, and show the woman what she is losing. Don't take things like this seriously.
Also, my advice is never confess your infidelity, even if the husband has found evidence. Stay until the very end. His suspicions are revenge enough on your part, believe me. But if you are caught red-handed, then don't say "he means nothing to me!" It is easier for us women to hear such excuses. For men, it's the opposite. If you say that you met a week ago and just slept drunk, the husband will think that his woman is an easily accessible whore that anyone can lay down after a couple of glasses. Better say that this man sought you for six months, gave you flowers, swore love and you could not resist his charm.
So what if Husband went to mistress or living a double life. Lovers will also benefit from reading. But keep in mind one thing - if a man went to another immediately, having collected a minimum of things, and disappeared from your life, then here you are unlikely to fix anything.
In a love triangle, both wife and mistress suffer. As long as they are patient, the man is comfortable, he is not going to decide anything. In the article, I wrote that even a great feeling for a mistress may not be a reason for divorce, because a man loses much more than his family - he loses his usual way of life. In exchange for the woman he already has. As soon as the wife or mistress, or both at the same time, begin to put pressure on him with a choice, the man falls into severe stress. Moreover, much more than each of them experiences. The results of such stress can be several:
1. Suspended situation lasting for years, when a man withdraws himself and leaves women to fight for him while he passively stands aside.
2. A man finds a third woman and goes to her.
3. A man finds something to do, in which he plunges headlong, moving away from his wife and mistress. For example, he joins the gym and diligently “pulls iron” or creates a rock band or something else.
You have - regardless of which side of the barricades you are on - 2 exits:
- Leave the man alone, let him collect his thoughts and choose, while you live your life for now. But here you need to have nerves of steel and understand that it’s not a fact that you will be chosen and it’s not a fact that a man won’t decide that everything has “settled down”.
- Increase stress by making a decision for a man and put him out.
The second option is more suitable for women. In fact, a man who has not left home in the very first months can collect his thoughts for years. Too much frightens him - he leaves his usual apartment, his usual way of life, his usual daily routine, while in the eyes of those around him he is bad, he is condemned. Do you remember how important it is for a man to be considered good. Plus now he needs to support 2 families. And create your new world from scratch. All this slows down the decision. It's actually very hard. Maybe even harder than a woman. At least she stays in her environment. And she has a big outlet - she can be distracted by children. The man is not. That is why in the first moments after the breakup, many men gravitate so much to communicating with a child - he reminds of his former life. And many women forbid them to see each other - subconsciously realizing that this makes life easier for their ex-husband.
By expelling her husband to his mistress before he himself decided it, the wife forms the strongest stress in the man. The discomfort of surprise is added to the above experiences - he is not mature, he is not ready for such drastic changes! His world is crumbling. He, of course, goes to his mistress, because there is nowhere else - but he sits, yearns, keeps aloof with her, starts drinking or begins to come up with excuses why he needs to go to visit the child. Then - why does he need to stay overnight in that family. The mistress is angry - this adds even more stress to him. As a result, the life of a man turns into hell.
If a man is 40-50 years old, often such stress leads to serious illnesses. And even death from a heart attack or stroke. But once in the hospital, the man begins to gravitate towards his former life. This is logical. When you feel bad, you want maximum comfort. And the man was comfortable at home. Plus, he remembers how his wife looked after him, that she knows his sores and, perhaps, even knows the doctors, she has experience and connections in this matter. There is an ability to make decisions for him while he is sick. And if the mistress is younger, then the man may notice fear and insecurity in her. Worst things so far. The hospital is often the turning point in a love triangle.
But even without health problems, a man begins to reach out to his ex-wife (for the reasons indicated above). The worst mistake a wife can make is to think it means something. For now, the man just goes where he can at least relax his soul a little. He does not think about returning - he yearns for familiar things. If the wife responds to his offer of sex or an overnight stay - that's all, she will lose him. A man will be greatly relieved that his former life is available to him and will now run to his wife when he wants a little comfort. Will live with his mistress. Or there and there. In general, everything is as it was from the very beginning, it will only change women's places.
If you want to get your husband back, dictate the terms. You can come to the child, walk with him or both of us, you can have lunch or dinner with us. But at a time that is convenient for me. You can come when I say and leave when I need to. You can be interested in my life, but understand that you no longer have a relationship with it and I make all the decisions myself. You can even stay the night - but in a different room, because we are no longer husband and wife.
Thus, the wife dosed out gives her ex-husband the comfort he needs. Like a donkey - they beckoned with a carrot, but they didn’t give it. They gave me a little bite, but a little good. The stick and stick method. If you want to get everything - pack your things and move permanently, break off those relationships.
And he will, trust me. The mistress simply will not have trump cards. True, there is no guarantee that after some time a man will not restore relations with her or start a new one ...
Even at a time when marriages were for life and it was only possible to choose another partner when you were widowed, men took on mistresses. Those that were richer bought houses and outfits for their kept women, even brought them out into the light. The poorer ones were simply looking for entertainment on the side. But there were practically no cases for a husband to go to his mistress, the integrity of the family was protected by law and social rules. But the modern world has changed everything, including the attitude towards this institution. So today a man goes to his beloved quite often. What reasons can make him leave the family?
Sadly, women are to blame for most betrayals and departures. Therefore, figuring out why men leave, first of all, you need to look at your own behavior. Once married, women change, and this is an obvious fact. And a wise man is aware of the inevitability of such changes and accepts them, but often they are too drastic. And when a husband looks at his wife after ten years of marriage and cannot recognize her, this involuntarily leads him to certain thoughts. But what do wives do wrong?
First and most importantly, they begin to perceive their husband as property. Especially if it is a family with children. Having decided that a man will not get away from her, the fair sex ceases to be so beautiful: she is less and less worried about extra pounds, a mess in the apartment, her own development and hobbies. And so the princess turns not even into a frog, but into a completely unintelligible creature, which you don’t even want to look at once again. And it becomes uninteresting to talk to her.
Sometimes women hit the other extreme, starting to actively visit fitness clubs, beauty salons and spas, hit a career, raising children and taking care of the house. And then, sobbing into the friend’s shoulder, they reproach the faithful, who left the family for his mistress, and she tried so hard for him. Is it just for him?
There is one secret: in fact, “freedom-loving” married men, endowed with a hunting instinct, are cute domestic creatures that crawl out of a warm family nest for thrills, but then always return. Provided that they are really expected there, ready to listen and stroke. And most of them pay handsomely for this caress, no matter how much lonely embittered feminists call such a situation humiliating. So in order for a married man to go to another, you need only two factors: misunderstanding and constant reproaches.
Of course, men and situations are different, sometimes the old feeling passes, a new one takes its place - and the ex-husband recovers to live with his mistress. But this is rather rare.
And this happened: the husband moved to a young mistress, the situation needs to be somehow explained to children and acquaintances, the wife feels humiliated and angry at the whole world. It cannot go on like this forever. And the first thing to do is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Everything has already happened, the husband left. You need to analyze the situation and decide how to live on.
The second is to sit and think about whether the husband will return, it is useless. Even if after a while he realizes that there is no one better than you, today he is not. And first you need to adapt your life to life without a man - the routine really helps a woman get used to the situation and not think about which mistress her husband went to. If children miss their dad, this is normal, there is no need to be angry with them, they are not to blame for anything.
Can't handle the situation on your own? You need to contact a specialist - the advice of a psychologist has never bothered anyone. Sometimes you just need to speak out, pour out your resentment and anger to the end, in order to then decide on positive changes in your life. And in no case should you rush into novels! The result will only be more frustration and self-loathing.
When asked how to behave when dealing with a traitor (and they are usually inevitable), the answer is simple - with dignity. No reproaches or, moreover, requests to return, even if there is a possibility of a return. Calmness and coldness are your trump cards in such a situation.
After the resentment subsides, it will be possible to decide whether you want your husband to return or not. And at the first stage, all efforts should be directed towards calming down and preventing what happened from completely spoiling life.
If the husband is gone, your emotions are clearly choking you. You feel like crying, screaming, blaming your husband for your suffering, hitting faces, etc. But understand that you don’t need to do all this. Admit two things to yourself.
First, you are very sick. Recognize that you are experiencing negative emotions. Second, don't run from your feelings. Accept that you really want your husband back. You hope that he will return to you and understand who he has lost.
Don't run from yourself. Accept your desires that contradict your resentment and anger at your husband. This is quite natural, since emotions are caused by existing circumstances, and desires look into the future and see what is desired there.
Know about the following:
The departure of a husband is the appearance of your freedom in everything. You can suffer and waste your time on it. And you can live freely and enjoy your new opportunities.
Sometimes wives, even after parting with their husbands, want them back. Think again if you really need it. If you still intend to return your husband, then act. Understand that husbands become very imprudent and approachable as they gain freedom.
Let your husband go if he leaves. At the same time, do not part with him forever. Remove the reasons why he left you. This will be difficult to do, because first you will need to admit to yourself that you, too, were to blame for something. You made mistakes - you need to eliminate them and do not make them again.
Of course, now the main question is whether the faithful will come back
?
Often, after 40 years, a crisis begins in men - they do not want to grow old, and the realization that this is inevitable makes them weird. Usually they try to cheer up with an affair with a young girl to prove: “I still hoo
».
How events will develop depends on a lot: on the reaction of the spouse and on his age. If a crisis hit a man at the age of 40, he may get excited, but he will soon return, and at 55 he is unlikely to leave.
If you do not want to lose your husband, follow a wise policy:
Try to return it cunningly, without scandals, and even more so, do everything so that the problems do not affect children.
In this situation, the victory will be for the one who has more endurance and a sharper mind. You should not now flog a fever and expel your spouse, it is better to let go and say a couple of kind words that you love and wait. This should be done if he packed a suitcase.
If he doesn't leave yet, proceed carefully.
:
Even if it doesn’t work out and he goes to a rival, it will be easier for you to survive what has happened, because now you are an athletic beautiful woman who is used to always smiling and looking at the world with a positive.
Of course, I want to understand what to expect, and most importantly - how much time will pass until he comes to his senses. But this is a gross mistake - to set a time frame, so you will experience more. On the other hand, you can’t wait forever if he firmly decided that life must be improved.
According to psychologists, serious relationships on the side last about 8 months.
. But everything is individual, some men walk all their lives, while extolling their wife above all and surrounding her with care and all sorts of attention. Others sometimes go on a spree to maintain self-esteem and vitality.
It all depends on you now - what are you ready for in order to save the family and how long will you endure it. Focus on the situation, your and his character, relationships. No one can tell when a loved one will return, not even himself.
In general, be distracted and have fun in all possible ways, do not sour at home, let resentment and pain push you forward, and not drag you to the bottom.
Yes, it is hard and scary to understand that the husband has gone to his mistress, perhaps for a long time or forever. But life goes on as usual, and your task is not to fall out of it, but to use difficulties for personal growth.
Hello dear readers. In this article we will consider the situation when the husband went to his mistress. You will learn what can influence such a decision. Find out which women men go to. We will figure out what needs to be done in this situation, what mistakes should not be made.
If the husband went to live with another woman, do not immediately despair. Perhaps his feelings have not cooled down yet and you are still ahead, you can try to return your spouse home. To do this, proceed as follows.
When the husband left for another, the wife usually wonders if she will return or not. This question does not arise immediately, a woman must first go through a state of shock.
Psychologists talk about a minimum of 7-9 days needed to return to a relatively calm psychological state. After this period, you can ask yourself questions, look for answers.
It is quite comfortable for a man to exist in conditions of double female attention and he is unlikely to deprive himself of such pleasure.
And not always it is beauty, intelligence or sex. Perhaps your man simply did not have enough care, tenderness or attention to his affairs.
Why did the husband leave? Willy-nilly, this question worries a woman who is distracted from thoughts about how he now lives there, whether he remembers her, regrets what happened. Let's understand what were the reasons for his departure, so that if possible they would no longer be created and even eliminated if the husband returns:
These reasons are the most common, because of which men begin to make lovers. Leaving the family indicates that the reasons have indeed reached an extreme. If a man is uncomfortable in his family, then he agrees to leave in a relationship with his mistress. Additional factors may be:
No matter how difficult the situation is, a woman should not lose her own dignity. It is important to keep reason and wisdom. Sometimes it’s better to accept a man’s choice and let him go than to humiliate himself and wallow at his feet.
Now you know the answer to the question why husbands go to their mistresses. Of course, this event is very painful for a woman who has lost a loved one. However, you need to remember how it is unacceptable to behave in such a situation, do not forget about your own pride.
There are such situations - quite frequent - when the husband went to his mistress
, then he began to visit the previous family again, first with a reason, then without. The wife quietly rejoices, but prematurely - the husband still does not return. The mistress is angry - what are you all dangling about ?! And so for a long time, here and there.
I am sometimes reproached for being too categorical when I call to give a traitor a kick in one place - they say, male psychology is arranged differently. Well, today I will tell you about the psychology of such men.
At my last job, I had several male colleagues - they all walked, regardless of age. One of them was frank about his adventures, I even knew his mistress. When I asked - “You understand that your wife, too, can sooner or later take advantage of the fact that you are not always at home and get someone?”.
To which he replied very emotionally: “Damn! No, first I’ll get divorced, then I’ll bury!” To my great satisfaction, after about 3 years, his wife still cuckolded him. Do you think he stole someone or ran to get a divorce in order to finally go to his mistress?
No matter how. He turned into a tearful, snotty nonentity who sobbed on the shoulder of his colleagues, his mistress, his wife's friends and drank valerian with corvalol. Having survived the first stress, he directed all his efforts to restoring relations with his wife. I realized that I was a bad husband, I began to learn how to cook, etc.
This is not the only story. The main mistake of wives who decide to keep unfaithful husbands is in excessive diligence. Show that she is better than her rival, focus on children, family, etc. Understand one thing: if a man has no intention to leave, he will not leave, even if you try, even if you don’t.
If he wants - the same. Therefore, the best thing you can do is speed up his departure if he is thinking, or put him out if he is not thinking about anything and is not going to leave. I'll explain it in terms of psychology a bit later.
I do not advise you to change in response - because here the result is 50 to 50. Maybe he will forget his mistress and rush to return you, or maybe he will put you out with a black eye. Very often, after the wife's reciprocal betrayal, for some time, relations improve, including sexual ones.
Also, my advice is never admit to your infidelity, even if the husband found evidence. Stay until the very end. His suspicions are revenge enough on your part, trust me. But if you're caught red-handed, don't say, "He means nothing to me!
It's easier for us women to hear such excuses. For men, it's the opposite. If you say that you met a week ago and just slept drunk, the husband will think that his woman is an easily accessible whore that anyone can lay down after a couple of glasses.
So what to do if the husband went to his mistress
or living a double life. Lovers will also benefit from reading. But keep in mind one thing - if a man went to another immediately, collecting a minimum of things, and disappeared from your life, then here you are unlikely to fix anything.
1. Suspended situation lasting for years, when a man withdraws himself and leaves women to fight for him while he passively stands aside.
2. A man finds a third woman and goes to her.
3. A man finds something to do, in which he plunges headlong, moving away from his wife and mistress. For example, he joins the gym and diligently “pulls iron” or creates a rock band or something else.
Often, ex-wives continue to take care of their husbands, even if they have long gone to their mistresses. Here, wives need to stop being mothers to their men, which, most likely, also became the reason for their departure. “How is the husband?
Read how cynically and indifferently they write about their wives. Understand that if your husband had feelings for you, he would not leave you. Having a mistress is one thing. But leaving her wife for her is already a real reason to understand that the husband no longer clings to his wife.
What will happen to the husband? There aren't many options here:
How to live on after the husband leaves for his mistress, it is up to you personally to decide. Nobody is responsible for your future but you. Even your husband no longer takes responsibility for making you happy. What happens in the end is up to you.
You can suffer and remember the betrayal of your husband all night long. Nothing but depression will develop in you. You can try to forget about the past. At first, it will be very difficult to do this, but time will still let go and erase your experiences.
In other words, start a new life. Stop thinking about your husband - he is already an adult boy to be responsible for his decisions and actions. He has already made his decision about who to live with. You now have your life left, which you can spend on anything.
You can be understood at the moment when your husband leaves you, saying that he has another. But you cannot be understood months after this event. Are you still hoping for your husband's return? But think for yourself why you need such a person.
Often exes come back only because they have not yet succeeded in their personal lives. But that doesn't mean they love it. Do you understand? If the husband comes back to you, then rather not out of love, but in order to simply restore his strength and find a new woman again.
So, the first reason a man leaves the family is a banal lack of sex. “Headache”, “tired”, “no mood” - familiar? It will pass a couple of times, and then the man will instinctively look for another partner, and if he likes everything about her, he can easily leave soon.
This can also be attributed to the routine in sexual relations. And this, by the way, is the business of a woman - to maintain this fire! Games, flirting, erotic lingerie, romantic evenings in marriage are not canceled! Close all sexual fantasies of each other, otherwise your partner will close them on the side. How to find out what he dreams about in bed? Ask!
and wash socks, and clean the house, and cook food, and look after the children. It is this “mommy syndrome” that pushes a man to leave in order to be realized as a man in the family, and not to be a “rag” under the wing of a super-caring wife.
I know men who can only cook scrambled eggs on their own and don't know how to turn on the washing machine, and this is at the age of 80! Nightmare! And subconsciously they don’t sleep with such a “mother”, a man will avoid sexual relations with such a woman.
We get married, in the hope that we can make him what we want. Will not work. A man is a person, with his own principles, habits and beliefs. And the older the man, the more conservative he is.
Choose what you like and fit. You do not go to the store for boots, but buy felt boots? When you remake a man, he will freak out, get angry, and this will be reflected in relationships, incl. and sexy. This is from the series: I want the fish to become a cat, and immediately!
If a woman humiliates, insults a man (even if he deserves it), especially in public. With such a woman, a man will not linger for a long time.
Also, one of the reasons why a husband leaves is not a well-groomed woman, including at home. In fact, it is very important for a man to see a well-groomed, beautiful, attractive, sexy, cheerful woman at home (dirty bathrobes, torn clothes, unwashed hair, etc.).
do not give beauty). Why, if a woman is a model (on the catwalk or a fashion model) and a man knows about it, does he try to win her over, without often thinking about her character, state of health, etc.? Because it is a recognized beauty, and since.
It's no secret to anyone that a man likes feminine women (just like women like masculine men). If a woman is used to solving everything herself, “puts pressure” on a man, gives orders, then he turns into a weak-willed creature and gets used to it.
In the flower-candy stage of the relationship, each side shows its best qualities. When the marriage is already formalized, they forget about it and reveal it to the fullest! Disappointment comes: he took the wrong one, married the wrong one ... If a man, for example, does not smoke, and a woman loves to smoke and is not going to quit, this can cause a divorce, although everything is fine in all other areas.
This case from my practice: 16 years of marriage with really good relationships and sex, but the woman could not sacrifice this smoking habit, and the man simply hated and could not stand cigarette smoke.
There are beliefs that are easy to change, but there are life principles that a person usually retains for life. Beliefs: For example, drinking 2 liters of water a day is stupid. After visiting any training or going to a normal doctor, the belief changes in one minute and the person is already a supporter of drinking water. Principle:
for example, I will never steal someone else's thing, I do not use drugs under any pretext, I am constantly learning new things and improving, I eat only food that strengthens and supports my body (this is the principle of health), I do not allow anyone to humiliate me and etc. If there are global discrepancies in principles, the marriage will unequivocally fall apart.
There are people for whom relatives play a very important role in their lives. Example: Eastern countries. If your man is from this category, and you cannot stand his relatives, you will have to put up with it, just limit the time of communication with them. Quarrels with his relatives can also lead to a cooling of feelings.
If the husband went to his mistress, then how to survive this? Especially if you have been a housewife for a long time. Now everything has changed. You must take action, do not expect help from him, friends, parents. Start looking for a job.
Just believe that you can. And everything will work out, soon you will become financially independent, and this will also bring you satisfaction. After all, these are your funds, and only you can dispose of them at your discretion.
And now the woman was left alone, what should be the algorithm of her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows: occasionally intersect in a common company or at parties, while looking chic;
invite her husband to her so that he takes the remaining things and at the same time remembers the warmth of the hearth; if the couple has children together, spend time together, emphasizing the importance of family values;
if a man is seriously offended, there is no need to ask for forgiveness, it is worth proving by your actions that the woman has repented (show how upset you are, say that you will improve). Psychologists emphasize that the departure of a man does not mean a final separation.
You need to act as follows:
If the beloved, then returns, then leaves, and this continues for many months, you should indicate your position. A woman should emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find a suitor for herself, saying that she can live without a spouse.
Psychologists confirm that the constant departure and return of a husband is a sign of his indecision, unwillingness to divorce. The spouse is not ready for parting even in case of slowness in submitting documents to the registry office.
If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce application, you should not rush him. A girl can send romantic SMS to her husband, occasionally cross paths with him - do everything to make the thought of parting seem stupid to him.
Abandoned wives try to fix everything, while the husband has not cooled off towards her at all. But such a tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought out his departure in advance. Returning a husband who left in a rush, offended by blackmail or his wife's refusal, is quite simple, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears and promises.
Here is what we should not do after the husband leaves the family:
To get your husband back, try the alienation method. You must completely withdraw from your spouse. Your communication must be dry and strictly for business purposes. Do not call or write anything extra, no interest in his affairs and life, no discussions of the spouse with acquaintances, no random and unnecessary meetings.
At the same time, do not obstruct his communication with children, if you have them. Just do not attend these meetings. For example, let the child go for a walk with the father, or leave the house yourself for this time.
Do not respond to his attempts to start a conversation and do not succumb to provocations. Most likely, your husband will be hurt by your coldness and aloofness. He expected a completely different behavior on your part after breaking up.
Soon his patience will end, and he will start a decisive conversation. At this moment, you must be decisive and firm as never before. Do not live up to his expectations - do not shed tears, do not give any indulgence, and there should certainly not be any conciliatory sex.
Your conditions should be clear, no conventions and no bargaining on his part. In any attempt to put forward counter-demands, cut off the conversation and leave. Yes, your conversation will be complex and tough.
The main thing is not to succumb to emotions and resentment, under their influence you can make trouble. Now categorically
it is forbidden
:
We need to get out of depression, realize what happened and how to proceed. This will take time and a lot of effort - take care of them.
Leave the man alone, let him gather his thoughts and choose, while you live your life for now. But here you need to have nerves of steel and understand that it’s not a fact that you will be chosen and it’s not a fact that a man won’t decide that everything has “settled down”.
Increase stress by making a decision for a man and put him out.
The second option is more suitable for women. In fact, a man who has not left home in the very first months can collect his thoughts for years. Too much frightens him - he leaves his usual apartment, his usual way of life, his usual daily routine, while in the eyes of those around him he is bad, he is condemned.
Do you remember how important it is for a man to be considered good. Plus now he needs to support 2 families. And create your new world from scratch. All this slows down the decision. It's actually very hard.
Maybe even harder than a woman. At least she stays in her environment. And she has a big outlet - she can be distracted by children. The man is not. That is why, in the first moments after a breakup, many men gravitate so much to communicating with a child - he reminds of his former life.
By expelling her husband to his mistress before he himself decided it, the wife forms the strongest stress in the man. The discomfort of surprise is added to the above experiences - he is not mature, he is not ready for such drastic changes!
His world is crumbling. He, of course, goes to his mistress, because there is nowhere else - but he sits, yearns, keeps aloof with her, starts drinking or begins to come up with excuses why he needs to go to visit the child.
If a man is 40-50 years old, often such stress leads to serious illnesses. And even death from a heart attack or stroke. But once in the hospital, the man begins to gravitate towards his former life. This is logical.
When you feel bad - you want maximum comfort. And the man was comfortable at home. Plus, he remembers how his wife looked after him, that she knows his sores and, perhaps, even knows the doctors, she has experience and connections in this matter.
There is an ability to make decisions for him while he is sick. And if the mistress is younger, then the man may notice fear and insecurity in her. Worst things so far. The hospital is often the turning point in a love triangle.
But even without health problems, a man begins to reach out to his ex-wife (for the reasons indicated above). The worst mistake of a wife is to think that this means something. For now, the man just goes where he can at least relax his soul a little.
He does not think about returning - he yearns for familiar things. If the wife responds to his offer of sex or a joint overnight stay - that's all, she will lose him. A man will be greatly relieved that his former life is available to him and will now run to his wife when he wants a little comfort.
A woman asks questions: how to live, how to survive a breakup, what should I do? Trying to bring him back to his family. But, if you still have thoughts about whether it is worth returning the unfaithful spouse or is it better to start a new life, then honest answers to some questions will help resolve doubts:
If all questions were answered yes, then fight for the relationship. If at least one answer is negative, do not cling to the past. Start a new life.
Husbands who have gone to their mistress often ask to return. How long will the romance on the side last? Let's analyze the stages of the relationship between husband and mistress.
Unfortunately, not all men realize that cheating can destroy a family forever. Sometimes understanding comes only after the betrayal has already been discovered, the wife does not want to have anything to do with the person who cheated on her.
Of course, this happens very often. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. First you need to understand that any relationship goes through several stages.
For example, the first stage is when two people notice each other. This is the stage of potential accumulation, when people look closely at each other, trying to understand whether they like them, whether there can be something between them.
The most annoying thing is that the flash often does not occur in 3 seconds. For some, momentum is enough, but many men admit that their passion has been fueled for years, and sometimes even decades.
Will the husband return to the family from his mistress if he has been planning his “escape” for years? Difficult question.
How long does it take for husbands to return from their mistresses?
The stage when everything is fine, the world looks nice, and butterflies flutter in the stomach lasts about 3-4 months. During this period of time, the potential of the candy-bouquet period passes. There is still no time for everyday trifles, no time for solving some real problems. A man tries to look macho in the eyes of the opposite sex
capable of any feat.
After a few months, many feel that they have played enough. Now they understand that the candy-bouquet period cannot last forever. Not too hardy men may show the first signs of a desire to return to their former lives. When the husband returns from his mistress, you can understand by this "saturation" of his novel on the side.
This is pressure from the girl with a request to decide on a relationship.
To be honest, few people are satisfied with the role of a mistress. For many girls, this is humiliating, and therefore they put pressure on a man, trying to get a clear answer and promises for the future. Moreover, the promises must be quite specific. For example, a mistress can fish out a promise to divorce no later than a month later.
The husband went to his mistress, and you do not know when he will return? At this stage, he may already be thinking about returning to the family, because not every man will divorce his wife, and even more so promise to marry someone again.
When women ask how long it takes for a husband to return from his mistress, I would like to answer that after six months or a year at most, but in fact, not everything is so simple.
When your husband returns from his mistress, only your husband knows.
It all depends on what kind of relationship people are in. We can only say that often after 4-5 months of relationship (if the husband has not yet returned back), a difficult period begins. If your husband does not want to rush headlong into the maelstrom of a new relationship and understands that it was a mistake, then he will not marry.
There comes a period when he tells his mistress that he will call her back. Or he says that the moment will happen when he will settle everything, and they will be happy together again. At this time, he himself is negotiating with his wife and probing the soil.
Will the husband return to the family from his mistress,
depends largely on where there is less pressure on it.
In the final stage, when he decides to "call back later," pressure from his wife may, on the contrary, decide the case in favor of the family.
Everything is individual. And therefore it is impossible to unequivocally determine after what time the husbands return from their mistresses. We can only say unequivocally that all stages of betrayal are unpleasant and, waiting, hoping for the return of a once loved one to the family is humiliating.
Discord in the family happens often, marital relations are a complicated matter. It is difficult to advise here, but many girls fall into deep despair when they realize that the husband has gone to his mistress and this is no longer an ordinary quarrel. Therefore, we decided to nevertheless give a few recommendations so that you do not lose heart.
In the article, we will consider the main situations in which it is not uncommon for those who are not lucky enough to create a really strong and reliable family from all sides to find themselves. Leave your stories in the comments for discussion.
Calm down and get out of depression. It's good that he left and filed for divorce, otherwise he would have started running from one to another. Start living for yourself. Sign up for some classes, fitness or something else.
Leave as little time for solitude as possible.
Be glad it doesn't come.
Why do you need it? There, the child, most likely, upon returning, will begin to run from one to the other.
If you love and are willing to forgive, then take him back. But be clear about the conditions.
Another betrayal, there will be no turning back for him.
Of course, such an act does not paint any man. Whether they live well or not does not depend on your position, time will tell. If he loves you, he will return on his own, after the birth of the child, call and say that he has become a father. Let him draw his own conclusions. Most often, the relationship between husband and mistress does not last long.
No, not required. Only personal initiative, the desire to help you financially.
During a midlife crisis, many men are drawn to the left, to younger and more beautiful girls. All this in order to assert oneself, to prove to oneself that there is still gunpowder in the flasks.
As practice shows, most men come back, realizing that they love not the young and beautiful, but the one with whom they lived their lives and have a lot in common. Don't run around and beg him to come back. Show that there have been changes in your life, change your image.
The plot is read early in the morning at sunrise. Putting the pan on the stove, as soon as the water boils, throw in a little sugar.
“As water boils, so let your blood boil and boil at the memory of me. As water is sweet, so will your thoughts be sweet. So that the servant of God (name) could not do without his wife and children. Let him run home, hurry up, think about his family, about the servant of God (name).
This behavior indicates serious feelings. Wait, if he doesn't come back in a couple of months, it's better to erase him from your head and your life.
