Life is turned upside down, the usual way of life collapses! It's scary to plan for the future, it hurts to make plans. It is especially difficult when parting is not a mutual decision. How to forget the wife you love when everything around her reminds you?
At the time of leaving, it is difficult to analyze, to understand the reasons. There is no point in blaming anyone for what happened. Even if the beloved is gone, changed. She said a lot of bad words in the end. Don't get bogged down with useless questions. Remember where the mistake was made. Imagine her in bed with another.
You can not use common children as a means of pressure, an object of extracting information about a spouse. There are situations when a child painfully recalls the past, causing pain and suffering. A caring father realizes that feelings will subside, emotions will pass. It is necessary to understand how to quickly forget the ex-wife, look for ways to protect the vulnerable heart of the child.
To start a new life, the first thing to do is end the old one forever. In one go! Each impulse of the nervous system, the gyrus in the head, the cell of the body must be aware - it will not be the same as before. Many years of marriage, joint trips, common photo albums, a video recording of a wedding celebration - it was a wonderful time, no one takes it away. It's good that it was. It's over. They remember him, but do not try to return him. This is the road to nowhere.
How can a man forget his ex-wife if time has passed, but the pain remains? You can't start a new chapter without a lock on the previous one. It doesn't hurt to take a step back, to find the beginning of the end.
Signs of betrayal
When time passes slowly, people relax. They don't see the obvious. Ignore the signs of the imminent end. To such a guy, a breakup announcement feels like a knife in the back. If he were more attentive to his wife, he could replace the changes. Avoid a situation where you do not know how to forget your ex-wife after a divorce.
A smart move for a guy who realizes that his spouse is cheating is to report a guess. Conversation with a girl without scandal. It will be easier to quickly forget your wife after a divorce if you become the initiator. Experiences about the collapse of family happiness will remain, the feeling of betrayal will be weaker. Dignity, awareness of decisiveness will be preserved. The banal resentment of an abandoned person is excluded.
Sometimes the reason lies at the base of the union. When the wrong person is initially chosen. Marriages are often entered into thoughtlessly. When there is only crazy sex, emotions. After a while, feelings cool down, the spouse is disappointed in the satellite. It turns out that he is financially unstable, a slob at home, inattentive, and abusing alcohol. Children can hold the union for a while.
In order for a man to forget his ex-wife, he must understand that the reason is not in him. He is not a loser, mattress, deadhead. He chose a companion who interferes with development, does not motivate for exploits, does not support morally. And at home it doesn’t build a cozy nest, it doesn’t create a reliable rear. A place where you want to return. Therefore, the guy does not shine with financial success, does not perform feats in bed. For a woman who understands, supports, mountains will turn over.
There are two main reasons:
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The main advice that is given to an abandoned man is to take care of himself. Fix bugs, fix bugs. Earn money, remove bad habits, develop sexual skill.
It is important to understand the mindsets. There is a technique that helps eliminate treacherous thoughts. In accordance with it, the moment is established when love for a spouse turned into a painful attachment. When he got it into his head that a girl is as necessary as air.
Persuasion needs to be analyzed, rethought. Try to remember the key joint events, take a detached look. Through the eyes of an outsider. Recognize the ordinary.
At the next stage, the attitude towards the spouse is rethought. She is no longer close, dear half. To a stranger, people do not experience dependent emotions. Their problems are forgotten in a minute. They wish you a good day, joke about the weather on duty. Strangers - colleagues, neighbors, a kindergarten teacher, an unfamiliar grandfather on a bench. The fate of these people does not excite strangers. Are they going through a breakup, deserve a promotion at work.
The ex-wife goes into this social category. Her personal life, successes, failures should not be of interest. This is how addiction works. Please note that joint children are not subject to sanctions. Nobody divorced them. They are still relatives, loved ones, even if they stayed to live with their spouse.
Getting started with settings is painful. It hurts to remember, realizing that everything is over. The list or letter method helps a lot. They write out on paper in a column or in the form of a confession:
You need to realize that the husband himself pushed the girl away. Accept this fact, do not blame yourself. This therapy allows you to visually see the errors. Designate behavior in the future with a new companion.
To quickly forget a wife after a divorce, a visualization method is used. First you need to relax. Clear your mind of thoughts. Present photographs of the past. Get to the present moment. Continue to imagine in photographs the destruction of attachment. See the fix.
It would be useful to see the current situation through the prism of pluses and minuses. On paper, divided into two parts, write out the positive and negative points of parting:
Approximate example:
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It's good to have friends and family who support you. Giving smart advice on how to forget your wife after a divorce is not necessary. It is enough to be around, try to distract, offer ways to switch. Sign up for a sports section together, go fishing, go on a multi-day hike. Go to a night club, heartily skip half the salary. Show your friend ways to experience happiness. To force to see that it is possible without a wife.
Gradually, emotions will subside. Love will go away, the desire to live on will come. Memories stop hurting. People who managed to suppress addiction in a past life successfully build new families. Advanced people calmly communicate with the former. It's great when common children are small.
For children, divorce is a trauma at any age. The world around us is frightening with the unknown. Only at home do they feel calm. When this stronghold collapses, it becomes scary to live. Often adults are afraid of marriage because of the memories of the breakup of their parents. Psychological trauma is hard to overcome on your own. If parents have found the strength to formalize the gap with dignity, without disgusting scenes, calmly communicate - this is the best gift for children.
When the divorce is over and the guy begins to look at other women, he must remember the previous mistakes. It is foolish to step on a familiar rake. Deciding on a serious step, getting married, having children, is necessary after a thorough study of the passion. Live together, go on vacation, get a joint loan, start repairs. Look at it in different situations. Find a man who will be a support, support. With which any sea is knee-deep.
Vlad Pozier | Relationship Psychologist
A practicing psychologist with extensive experience in the field of love relationships between a man and a woman will help you see and reveal personal qualities that are attractive to the opposite sex and use them when meeting and communicating with people you like.
In the course of individual conversations with Vladimir Sokolov, you will not only get rid of complexes, but will also be able to build new lines of your behavior. Under the sensitive accompaniment of this specialist, hundreds of people were able to realize the value of real relationships and get rid of the burden of past grievances and addictions.
The results of close communication with a psychologist will not make you wait long, as he is a professional in his field, masterful in hypnotechniques and advanced psychotherapeutic techniques
It is difficult to quickly and painlessly forget your ex-wife or girlfriend. Often men during this period "break down": they begin to drink, take drugs, randomly change partners, quit their jobs. These are the consequences of a depressive state of a person who has lost a loved one. A man is engaged in self-digging, looking for flaws in himself, accumulating resentment against his ex, feeling sorry for himself. But there are ways to get out of this state with minimal losses.
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After parting with a loved one, there comes a painful time of adaptation. Depression, which inevitably occurs in a person, destroys the psyche. The sooner this process passes, the less losses the person will start a new life.
Psychologists highlight the main points that help to cope with this. They are divided into two groups of advice: what to do and what to avoid.
Each person is unique, but in similar situations, people make the same erroneous actions. Psychologists have compiled a list of what not to do after parting with a loved one:
As for what to do, there are a few tips from psychologists:
The first way to help get out of this situation is to find out the reasons for the breakup. After all, pangs of conscience, a sense of guilt is a pain that most men have to experience after a divorce. Only inveterate egoists easily endure parting, placing responsibility on a woman.
A man, in order to raise the bar of self-esteem, needs to figure out whether he is really to blame for what happened. After all, if there is no pangs of conscience, it is easier to forget the past. Public opinion, which often blames men, plays an important role.
Psychologists insist: both are guilty of breakups.
Public opinion in Russia during divorces more often supports a woman, blaming a man. There are many reasons for this:
Over the past 20-30 years, a lot has changed in society. In modern society, not all women are active opponents of alcohol. Change both sides equally. Only the assault of a woman against a partner is unlikely due to physical gender differences. Therefore, the reasons for divorce can be:
On the other hand, a new weighty reason for divorces and scandals between partners has appeared: absolute financial requirements for a spouse. Most modern ladies are sure: the husband’s salary is total, the wife’s money (if she works) is her personal. The purpose of such "zahrebetnitsy" is to lay family and personal material problems on the partner.
Interestingly, most men agree with this. The part does the job, allowing the woman to spend as much as her heart desires. The rest receive constant showdowns, insults, humiliation from a cohabitant or wife and her mother. The reason for the divorce due to financial disagreements is unjustifiably blamed on the man. Many women have forgotten that the words "spouses" originally meant "going in the same harness", "pulling a common cart equally".
Quarrels from scratch, disregard for the desires of a partner, inattention are indispensable parts of conflicts that lead to the separation of two. And here the use of alcohol is not a cause, but a consequence. Reproaches for low earnings are just an excuse to quarrel.
The reason is that she does not love this man. But there is no apparent reason to break up just like that. According to the "rules of public opinion" a woman should be an unfortunate victim. Not everyone can admit that she herself is to blame for the conflict, that she fell out of love with a good person. For this, those around her will condemn her. For many, someone else's opinion is the main assessment of a person's behavior.
Removing guilt is not the final solution to the problem. A man, even being confident in his sinlessness, does not receive complete relief. It's unclear how to proceed.
To speed up the process of understanding the situation, drawing a plan for future actions, the use of fairy tale therapy helps. The method "Your own storyteller" allows you to play performances where the prototypes of the characters are the man himself, his ex, friends, parents.
Sandbox for fairy tale therapy
It is supposed to work in a portable sandbox, but you can get by with a regular table. The man chooses the characters. They can be figurines, toys, if any. You can compose a fairy tale from the very beginning or choose an initially known one.
For example, a man chooses a fairy tale about Little Red Riding Hood. In it, he acts as the prototype of the Wolf. Here he is walking in the forest, bored. Towards him comes across Little Red Riding Hood - a beautiful girl. This is, of course, his ex. They meet, fall in love, decide to live together. Further, the man plays out the scenario on the basis of his own life situations: for example, showing how Riding Hood forbade the Wolf to meet friends, even the Wolf could visit his mother only with the permission of his authoritarian wife.
The story comes to a breaking point. Riding Hood drives the Wolf out or goes to the Bear herself, the Wolf runs as fast as he can into the forest or remains whining near the gate - the man honestly plays his version for himself. Now he faces a more difficult task: he needs to develop a plan for further actions.
Let's say the Wolf decides to go hunting. But he is ashamed to go into his forest - the flock that he betrayed, having left with Riding Hood, will laugh. Therefore, he goes to a nearby forest, where he decides to start a new life: finally try himself as a singer or wrestler.
What happens next - the storyteller composes to his taste. It is important that the decision to act is made by him. And a good ending (and in fairy tales it is always kind) will definitely develop. Seeing how easy it really is to get out of the situation, if you start acting, a man receives a portion of energy, a push.
This is how the principle of fairy tale therapy works. To see what happened from the outside, to outline a plan for further actions - to work out the situation psychologically. Of course, it is best to play the performance for someone, then the viewer's interest will be warmed up by the storyteller's desire to come up with a creative plot, to find his own solution to the problem. But this method also works alone.
It hurts to accept parting with the woman you love. But starting a new life is real: for this there are special trainings developed by specialists.
By doing them regularly, you can reduce the adaptation time and get rid of depression pretty quickly.
Not everyone has the ability to give vent to feelings. Men often need to learn to let off steam. There are many ways to do this:
Most ways to "let off steam" are associated with loud sounds - the human psyche is arranged in such a way that the release of strong emotions is accompanied by a noise effect. Fatigue after significant physical exertion also relieves mental stress.
Taking all the blame and not scolding the former is commendable, but self-humiliation destroys the nervous system. Telling everyone about the shortcomings of a former lover is ugly. But it is necessary to analyze the relationship mentally, finding the reasons not only in your behavior.
It is recommended to analyze the personality of the former in writing. On paper, you need to write down all the unpleasant situations, using short phrases, phrases, shortcomings of the ex-wife or girlfriend. For example: "Dirty hands (does not wash after using the toilet)"; "Rude in front of strangers"; "Not interested in my blog." The handicap sheet needs to be reread every time the thought of her comes to mind.
Over time, the habit of blaming not only yourself, seeing shortcomings in your ex-partner, not idealizing relationships will do its job: a man will become less drawn to the past, stop dreaming about his return. Gradually, he will learn not to think of his ex-wife at all as a wonderful person whom he lost through his stupidity.
Remembering that both are guilty of a broken relationship, you should accept your guilt, asking for forgiveness for your mistakes. You can do this out loud in person. But a real request for forgiveness can be perceived by the former incorrectly: as a step towards reconciliation or an attempt to look better than her.
You need to ask for forgiveness not for the sake of someone, but to remove negativity from yourself.
Therefore, training is practiced alone. Every day for a week (the period can be extended if necessary) in the evening, a man should relax while sitting, close his eyes and mentally say: “Forgive me for everything and let me go! And I forgive and release you. In parallel, you need to imagine how this communication takes place: calmly, kindly, without quarrels and reproaches.
To remember the former less often, you need to prepare not only mentally: remove all her things, trinkets reminiscent of past relationships, gifts, letters and postcards, if any. Sometimes you even need to remove or destroy the photos.
Now it's time to start training-punishment for memories. This will require a piggy bank and change coins. Mentally, a man must set himself the condition of the game: with every memory of the former, he is punished in the form of deprivation of one coin. This is how you learn to control your thoughts.
Here it is important to convince yourself: even in the bad there is good. The training is as follows: on a sheet with the shortcomings of the former next, they write the pluses that accompany the separation. For example, there was an entry: "It takes a long time to gather." The man is nervous, losing precious time. Therefore, now he will write down: “A lot of time has been freed up, I can play on the computer, read, go to a friend.” Next to the words “spends a lot on cosmetics,” he writes: “I can go camping with the money saved, buy a kayak, pay for a new video editor.”
It is not necessary to use a defect sheet. You can also make a list of pleasant things from parting on a separate sheet. Unfulfilled dreams will be remembered, which were not available when living together. By writing them down, a man will understand how much good is around, how many interesting things have now become available.
The ideal variant of the relationship of a married couple is the joint upbringing of children in love and harmony. But unhappy parents cannot make them happy. If circumstances are such that divorced spouses have a child, it is impossible to completely forget about the existence of an ex-wife.
In this case, psychologists advise to reduce communication with the ex-wife to a minimum. You need to try to spend more time with the child, and not with his mother: go to the movies, rides, go fishing together or in the company of your friends.
If you cannot achieve a complete idyll - the mother does not allow you to be alone with your son or daughter - it is recommended to come to meetings with mutual friends. To offend their ex will be ashamed, they will behave with restraint in front of them. Often the ex-wife, realizing the inappropriateness of her presence, leaves, leaving attempts to observe the meetings of the father with the children.
A way to forget an old love, suitable for everyone without exception, is expressed in the saying: "The wedge is knocked out with a wedge." The phrase means: to find a replacement for the former - to get rid of loneliness, soul-searching, depression. Usually new relationships are built differently than old ones, taking into account their own mistakes.
Having accepted the idea that it is possible to be happy with another woman, a man is already taking the first step towards forgetting his ex-wife.
Memories will roll over for a while. But the trainings described above will help to nullify the negative from them.
A complete change of environment, environment is an excellent option to combat depression. For this it is recommended:
It is important how serious the man's intention is to erase bitter memories from life. If he set himself the goal of starting life from scratch, then he will achieve this. And the stronger the personality, the faster it will happen.
I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk...
How to forget your ex wife
Bring back the girl
There are many techniques that help people improve their memory. But are there techniques that would help men forget their ex-wives? To put it simply, how do you stop those terrible memories when you're trying to move on from the trauma of divorce?
This is because memories don't go anywhere, and they can easily come back when you feel vulnerable. Therefore, try to maintain your psychological health, try to move away from them.
There is a way to end the memory of your ex (or other horrific event) in three steps:
The more you remember about it, the more you will suffer from it. A decrease in memory intensity is possible, and this means that when you return to memories, they do not appear as clearly and clearly. This is very helpful during the recovery period after a divorce. One way to do this is to use visualization techniques on these memories to reduce their effect. For instance:
Imagine your bad memories of your ex-wife as a layer of dirt on your body. While it is on your body, you feel disgust, perhaps even as if someone is crawling on you. I guess that's just how you feel. Now imagine taking a hot shower and erasing all memories from your body. You are clean and the memories are gone. Can you really take a shower?
It may seem silly, but your brain, having reproduced the memories, will already see a double picture. And over time, they will completely disappear.
Frequency refers to how often you are visited by these thoughts. It comes down to two critical things: how often do you remember your ex-wife and the points and events associated with those memories.
A vicious circle: the more you try not to think about it, the more often you return to it. This may sound like bad news, but it's also good news. Just relax and let your head do what it wants. If you can reduce the intensity and maintain control over your memories, then every day you will think about it less and less. This should happen naturally. If you try to control yourself, then thoughts will only be fixed.
Another thing: You need to know what things make you remember your wife (a necklace, an old house, a favorite couch, photographs or decor.). These are called triggers. Be aware of them and try to fight them.
Catastrophic thinking is a term related to panic and anxiety attacks. It can also refer to the memories that your ex-wife evokes in you. Forgetting your ex-wife means taking control of the memories and placing them in the abyss where they belong. Catastrophic thinking starts with a bad thought, another bad thought is superimposed on it, and it snowballs. As long as it doesn't cause panic. The ways to solve this problem are becoming more and more difficult, and the problem seems to be getting worse.
Distraction can be a very useful tool. As well as the realization that you are in a spiral. And every time you start thinking about your wife, you get worse and worse.
Imagine that thinking about your wife is bad. And get rid of them by taking a shower.
· Relax and try to live your normal life. If you feel like thinking about your wife, think, but don't force yourself to forget.
Get rid of those things that remind you of your wife.
Stop remembering situations with your wife. She's gone, she's gone.
· Distract yourself.
Dear readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experience or comments related to this topic.
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Short description
Most likely, you have already read our article about the return of girls and familiarized yourself with our guide:
Now you have to go a long way to return the girl. Let's say right away: this is not an easy task, but it will be within your power if you follow our instructions.
What is the main principle of the return of the girl.
Unfortunately or fortunately, it is impossible to return the girl with any magic words or declarations of love. There is another principle at work here. The girl didn't leave you, she left the guy you've become. To put it simply: You are no longer as good for her as you were at the beginning of the relationship. Therefore, in order to return your girlfriend, you must return to yourself the image of a strong man.
What is the main difficulty
The main difficulty is that you yourself cannot determine the moments at which you began to lose ground and become weak. And this is not due to the fact that you are a fool, but because of your emotions after the breakup. For all the time we have not yet seen a guy who would be left with a cold and sober head after breaking up with a girl! Therefore, you will also be broken, and bad thoughts will settle in your head.
Therefore, by taking any action, you risk not only harming your relationship with a girl, but also completely losing your chances of her return. It is for this reason that we have written a special instruction for you, which will help you get the girl back.
How to get a girl back - instructions
We summarized all our experience in returning girls and created a step-by-step instruction for you that will help you return the girl as soon as possible. At the same time, it is you who will remain the winners, and you will not have to apologize and humiliate yourself in front of the girl.
We will take you by the hand from the moment of parting with the girl, when you are in pain and don’t know what to do, until the moment the girl returns, when she herself will ask you to come back!
We will also tell you about the tricks of female logic so that it will never leave you again. So that you yourself can command her, and she fulfills all your desires. Do you want to be a guy that a girl cherishes? And now it has become possible!
