If the husband is gone, your emotions are clearly choking you. You feel like crying, screaming, blaming your husband for your suffering, hitting faces, etc. But understand that you don’t need to do all this. Admit two things to yourself.
First, you are very sick. Recognize that you are experiencing negative emotions. Second, don't run from your feelings. Accept that you really want your husband back. You hope that he will return to you and understand who he has lost.
Don't run from yourself. Accept your desires that contradict your resentment and anger at your husband. This is quite natural, since emotions are caused by existing circumstances, and desires look into the future and see what is desired there.
Know about the following:
The departure of a husband is the appearance of your freedom in everything. You can suffer and waste your time on it. And you can live freely and enjoy your new opportunities.
Sometimes wives, even after parting with their husbands, want them back. Think again if you really need it. If you still intend to return your husband, then act. Understand that husbands become very imprudent and approachable as they gain freedom.
Let your husband go if he leaves. At the same time, do not part with him forever. Remove the reasons why he left you. This will be difficult to do, because first you will need to admit to yourself that you, too, were to blame for something. You made mistakes - you need to eliminate them and do not make them again.
Of course, now the main question is whether the faithful will come back
?
Often after 40 years, a crisis begins in men - they do not want to grow old, and the realization that this is inevitable makes them weird. Usually they try to cheer up with an affair with a young girl to prove: “I still hoo
».
How events will develop depends on a lot: on the reaction of the spouse and on his age. If a crisis hit a man at the age of 40, he may get excited, but he will soon return, and at 55 he is unlikely to leave.
If you do not want to lose your husband, follow a wise policy:
Try to return it cunningly, without scandals, and even more so, do everything so that the problems do not affect children.
In this situation, the victory will be for the one who has more endurance and a sharper mind. You should not now flog a fever and expel your spouse, it is better to let go and say a couple of kind words that you love and wait. This should be done if he packed a suitcase.
If he doesn't leave yet, proceed carefully.
:
Even if it doesn’t work out and he goes to a rival, it will be easier for you to survive what has happened, because now you are an athletic beautiful woman who is used to always smiling and looking at the world with a positive.
Of course, I want to understand what to expect, and most importantly - how much time will pass until he comes to his senses. But this is a gross mistake - to set a time frame, so you will experience more. On the other hand, you can’t wait forever if he firmly decided that life must be improved.
According to psychologists, serious relationships on the side last about 8 months.
. But everything is individual, some men walk all their lives, while extolling their wife above all and surrounding her with care and all sorts of attention. Others sometimes go on a spree to maintain self-esteem and vitality.
It all depends on you now - what are you ready for in order to save the family and how long will you endure it. Focus on the situation, your and his character, relationships. No one can tell when a loved one will return, not even himself.
In general, be distracted and have fun in all possible ways, do not sour at home, let resentment and pain push you forward, and not drag you to the bottom.
Yes, it is hard and scary to understand that the husband has gone to his mistress, perhaps for a long time or forever. But life goes on as usual, and your task is not to fall out of it, but to use difficulties for personal growth.
Hello dear readers. In this article we will consider the situation when the husband went to his mistress. You will learn what can influence such a decision. Find out which women men go to. We will figure out what needs to be done in this situation, what mistakes should not be made.
If the husband went to live with another woman, do not immediately despair. Perhaps his feelings have not cooled down yet and you are still ahead, you can try to return your spouse home. To do this, proceed as follows.
When the husband left for another, the wife usually wonders if she will return or not. This question does not arise immediately, a woman must first go through a state of shock.
Psychologists talk about a minimum of 7-9 days needed to return to a relatively calm psychological state. After this period, you can ask yourself questions, look for answers.
It is quite comfortable for a man to exist in conditions of double female attention and he is unlikely to deprive himself of such pleasure.
And not always it is beauty, intelligence or sex. Perhaps your man simply did not have enough care, tenderness or attention to his affairs.
Why did the husband leave? Willy-nilly, this question worries a woman who is distracted from thoughts about how he now lives there, whether he remembers her, regrets what happened. Let's understand what were the reasons for his departure, so that if possible they would no longer be created and even eliminated if the husband returns:
These reasons are the most common, because of which men begin to make lovers. Leaving the family indicates that the reasons have indeed reached an extreme. If a man is uncomfortable in his family, then he agrees to leave in a relationship with his mistress. Additional factors may be:
No matter how difficult the situation is, a woman should not lose her own dignity. It is important to keep reason and wisdom. Sometimes it’s better to accept a man’s choice and let him go than to humiliate himself and wallow at his feet.
Now you know the answer to the question why husbands go to their mistresses. Of course, this event is very painful for a woman who has lost a loved one. However, you need to remember how it is unacceptable to behave in such a situation, do not forget about your own pride.
There are such situations - quite frequent - when the husband went to his mistress
, then he began to visit the previous family again, first with a reason, then without. The wife quietly rejoices, but prematurely - the husband still does not return. The mistress is angry - what are you all dangling about ?! And so for a long time, here and there.
I am sometimes reproached for being too categorical when I call to give a traitor a kick in one place - they say, male psychology is arranged differently. Well, today I will tell you about the psychology of such men.
At my last job, I had several male colleagues - they all walked, regardless of age. One of them was frank about his adventures, I even knew his mistress. When I asked - “You understand that your wife, too, can sooner or later take advantage of the fact that you are not always at home and get someone?”.
To which he replied very emotionally: “Damn! No, first I’ll get divorced, then I’ll bury!” To my great satisfaction, after about 3 years, his wife still cuckolded him. Do you think he stole someone or ran to get a divorce in order to finally go to his mistress?
No matter how. He turned into a tearful, snotty nonentity who sobbed on the shoulder of his colleagues, his mistress, his wife's friends and drank valerian with corvalol. Having survived the first stress, he directed all his efforts to restoring relations with his wife. I realized that I was a bad husband, I began to learn how to cook, etc.
This is not the only story. The main mistake of wives who decide to keep unfaithful husbands is in excessive diligence. Show that she is better than her rival, focus on children, family, etc. Understand one thing: if a man has no intention to leave, he will not leave, even if you try, even if you don’t.
If he wants - the same. Therefore, the best thing you can do is speed up his departure if he is thinking, or put him out if he is not thinking about anything and is not going to leave. I'll explain it in terms of psychology a bit later.
I do not advise you to change in response - because here the result is 50 to 50. Maybe he will forget his mistress and rush to return you, or maybe he will put you out with a black eye. Very often, after the wife's reciprocal betrayal, for some time, relations improve, including sexual ones.
Also, my advice is never admit to your infidelity, even if the husband found evidence. Stay until the very end. His suspicions are revenge enough on your part, trust me. But if you're caught red-handed, don't say, "He means nothing to me!
It's easier for us women to hear such excuses. For men, it's the opposite. If you say that you met a week ago and just slept drunk, the husband will think that his woman is an easily accessible whore that anyone can lay down after a couple of glasses.
So what to do if the husband went to his mistress
or living a double life. Lovers will also benefit from reading. But keep in mind one thing - if a man went to another immediately, collecting a minimum of things, and disappeared from your life, then here you are unlikely to fix anything.
1. Suspended situation, lasting for years, when a man withdraws himself and leaves women to fight for him while he passively stands aside.
2. A man finds a third woman and goes to her.
3. A man finds something to do, in which he plunges headlong, moving away from his wife and mistress. For example, he joins the gym and diligently “pulls iron” or creates a rock band or something else.
Often, ex-wives continue to take care of their husbands, even if they have long gone to their mistresses. Here, wives need to stop being mothers to their men, which, most likely, also became the reason for their departure. “How is the husband?
Read how cynically and indifferently they write about their wives. Understand that if your husband had feelings for you, he would not leave you. Having a mistress is one thing. But leaving her wife for her is already a real reason to understand that the husband no longer clings to his wife.
What will happen to the husband? There aren't many options here:
How to live on after the husband leaves for his mistress, it is up to you personally to decide. Nobody is responsible for your future but you. Even your husband no longer takes responsibility for making you happy. What happens in the end is up to you.
You can suffer and remember the betrayal of your husband all night long. Nothing but depression will develop in you. You can try to forget about the past. At first, it will be very difficult to do this, but time will still let go and erase your experiences.
In other words, start a new life. Stop thinking about your husband - he is already an adult boy to be responsible for his decisions and actions. He has already made his decision about who to live with. You now have your life left, which you can spend on anything.
You can be understood at the moment when your husband leaves you, saying that he has another. But you cannot be understood months after this event. Are you still hoping for your husband's return? But think for yourself why you need such a person.
Often exes come back only because they have not yet succeeded in their personal lives. But that doesn't mean they love it. Do you understand? If the husband comes back to you, then rather not out of love, but in order to simply restore his strength and find a new woman again.
So, the first reason a man leaves the family is a banal lack of sex. “Headache”, “tired”, “no mood” - familiar? It will pass a couple of times, and then the man will instinctively look for another partner, and if he likes everything about her, he can easily leave soon.
This can also be attributed to the routine in sexual relations. And this, by the way, is the business of a woman - to maintain this fire! Games, flirting, erotic lingerie, romantic evenings in marriage are not canceled! Close all sexual fantasies of each other, otherwise your partner will close them on the side. How to find out what he dreams about in bed? Ask!
and wash socks, and clean the house, and cook food, and look after the children. It is this "mommy syndrome" that pushes a man to leave in order to be realized as a man in the family, and not to be a "rag" under the wing of a super-caring wife.
I know men who can only cook scrambled eggs on their own and don't know how to turn on the washing machine, and this is at the age of 80! Nightmare! And subconsciously they don’t sleep with such a “mother”, a man will avoid sexual relations with such a woman.
We get married, in the hope that we can make him what we want. Will not work. A man is a person, with his own principles, habits and beliefs. And the older the man, the more conservative he is.
Choose what you like and fit. You do not go to the store for boots, but buy felt boots? When you remake a man, he will freak out, get angry, and this will be reflected in relationships, incl. and sexy. This is from the series: I want the fish to become a cat, and immediately!
If a woman humiliates, insults a man (even if he deserves it), especially in public. With such a woman, a man will not linger for a long time.
Also, one of the reasons why a husband leaves is not a well-groomed woman, including at home. In fact, it is very important for a man to see a well-groomed, beautiful, attractive, sexy, cheerful woman at home (dirty bathrobes, torn clothes, unwashed hair, etc.).
do not give beauty). Why, if a woman is a model (on the catwalk or a fashion model) and a man knows about it, does he try to win her over, without often thinking about her character, state of health, etc.? Because it is a recognized beauty, and since.
It's no secret to anyone that a man likes feminine women (just like women like masculine men). If a woman is used to solving everything herself, “puts pressure” on a man, gives orders, then he turns into a weak-willed creature and gets used to it.
In the flower-candy stage of the relationship, each side shows its best qualities. When the marriage is already formalized, they forget about it and reveal it to the fullest! Disappointment comes: he took the wrong one, married the wrong one ... If a man, for example, does not smoke, and a woman loves to smoke and is not going to quit, this can cause a divorce, although everything is fine in all other areas.
This case from my practice: 16 years of marriage with really good relationships and sex, but the woman could not sacrifice this smoking habit, and the man simply hated and could not stand cigarette smoke.
There are beliefs that are easy to change, but there are life principles that a person usually retains for life. Beliefs: For example, drinking 2 liters of water a day is stupid. After visiting any training or going to a normal doctor, the belief changes in one minute and the person is already a supporter of drinking water. Principle:
for example, I will never steal someone else's thing, I do not use drugs under any pretext, I am constantly learning new things and improving, I eat only food that strengthens and supports my body (this is the principle of health), I do not allow anyone to humiliate me and etc. If there are global discrepancies in principles, the marriage will unequivocally fall apart.
There are people for whom relatives play a very important role in their lives. Example: Eastern countries. If your man is from this category, and you cannot stand his relatives, you will have to put up with it, just limit the time of communication with them. Quarrels with his relatives can also lead to a cooling of feelings.
If the husband went to his mistress, then how to survive this? Especially if you have been a housewife for a long time. Now everything has changed. You must take action, do not expect help from him, friends, parents. Start looking for a job.
Just believe that you can. And everything will work out, soon you will become financially independent, and this will also bring you satisfaction. After all, these are your funds, and only you can dispose of them at your discretion.
And now the woman was left alone, what should be the algorithm of her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows: occasionally intersect in a common company or at parties, while looking chic;
invite her husband to her so that he takes the remaining things and at the same time remembers the warmth of the hearth; if the couple has children together, spend time together, emphasizing the importance of family values;
if a man is seriously offended, there is no need to ask for forgiveness, it is worth proving by your actions that the woman has repented (show how upset you are, say that you will improve). Psychologists emphasize that the departure of a man does not mean a final separation.
You need to act as follows:
If the beloved, then returns, then leaves, and this continues for many months, you should indicate your position. A woman should emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find a suitor for herself, saying that she can live without a spouse.
Psychologists confirm that the constant departure and return of a husband is a sign of his indecision, unwillingness to divorce. The spouse is not ready for parting even in case of slowness in submitting documents to the registry office.
If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce application, you should not rush him. A girl can send romantic SMS to her husband, occasionally cross paths with him - do everything to make the thought of parting seem stupid to him.
Abandoned wives try to fix everything, while the husband has not cooled off towards her at all. But such a tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought out his departure in advance. Returning a husband who left in a rush, offended by blackmail or his wife's refusal, is quite simple, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears and promises.
Here is what we should not do after the husband leaves the family:
To get your husband back, try the alienation method. You must completely withdraw from your spouse. Your communication must be dry and strictly for business purposes. Do not call or write anything extra, no interest in his affairs and life, no discussions of the spouse with acquaintances, no random and unnecessary meetings.
At the same time, do not obstruct his communication with children, if you have them. Just do not attend these meetings. For example, let the child go for a walk with the father, or leave the house yourself for this time.
Do not respond to his attempts to start a conversation and do not succumb to provocations. Most likely, your husband will be hurt by your coldness and aloofness. He expected a completely different behavior on your part after breaking up.
Soon his patience will end, and he will start a decisive conversation. At this moment, you must be decisive and firm as never before. Do not live up to his expectations - do not shed tears, do not give any indulgence, and there should certainly not be any conciliatory sex.
Your conditions should be clear, no conventions and no bargaining on his part. In any attempt to put forward counter-demands, cut off the conversation and leave. Yes, your conversation will be complex and tough.
The main thing is not to succumb to emotions and resentment, under their influence you can make trouble. Now categorically
it is forbidden
:
We need to get out of depression, realize what happened and how to proceed. This will take time and a lot of effort - take care of them.
Leave the man alone, let him collect his thoughts and choose, while you live your life for now. But here you need to have nerves of steel and understand that it’s not a fact that you will be chosen and it’s not a fact that a man won’t decide that everything has “settled down”.
Increase stress by making a decision for a man and put him out.
The second option is more suitable for women. In fact, a man who has not left home in the first months can collect his thoughts for years. Too much frightens him - he leaves his usual apartment, his usual way of life, his usual daily routine, while in the eyes of those around him he is bad, he is condemned.
Do you remember how important it is for a man to be considered good. Plus now he needs to support 2 families. And create your new world from scratch. All this slows down the decision. It's actually very hard.
Maybe even harder than a woman. At least she stays in her environment. And she has a big outlet - she can be distracted by children. The man is not. That is why in the first moments after the breakup, many men gravitate so much to communicating with a child - he reminds of his former life.
By expelling her husband to his mistress before he himself decided it, the wife forms the strongest stress in the man. The discomfort of surprise is added to the above experiences - he is not mature, he is not ready for such drastic changes!
His world is crumbling. He, of course, goes to his mistress, because there is nowhere else - but he sits, yearns, keeps aloof with her, starts drinking or begins to come up with excuses why he needs to go to visit the child.
If a man is 40-50 years old, often such stress leads to serious illnesses. And even death from a heart attack or stroke. But once in the hospital, the man begins to gravitate towards his former life. This is logical.
When you feel bad - you want maximum comfort. And the man was comfortable at home. Plus, he remembers how his wife looked after him, that she knows his sores and, perhaps, even knows the doctors, she has experience and connections in this matter.
There is an ability to make decisions for him while he is sick. And if the mistress is younger, then the man may notice fear and insecurity in her. Worst things so far. The hospital is often the turning point in a love triangle.
But even without health problems, a man begins to reach out to his ex-wife (for the reasons indicated above). The biggest mistake of a wife is to think that this means something. For now, the man just goes where he can at least relax his soul a little.
He does not think about returning - he yearns for familiar things. If the wife responds to his offer of sex or a joint overnight stay - that's all, she will lose him. A man will be greatly relieved that his former life is available to him and will now run to his wife when he wants a little comfort.
A woman asks questions: how to live, how to survive a breakup, what should I do? Trying to bring him back to his family. But, if you still have thoughts about whether it is worth returning the unfaithful spouse or is it better to start a new life, then honest answers to some questions will help resolve doubts:
If all questions were answered yes, then fight for the relationship. If at least one answer is negative, do not cling to the past. Start a new life.
Husbands who have gone to their mistress often ask to return. How long will the romance on the side last? Let's analyze the stages of the relationship between husband and mistress.
Unfortunately, not all men realize that cheating can destroy a family forever. Sometimes understanding comes only after the betrayal has already been discovered, the wife does not want to have anything to do with the person who cheated on her.
Of course, this happens very often. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. First you need to understand that any relationship goes through several stages.
For example, the first stage is when two people notice each other. This is the stage of potential accumulation, when people look closely at each other, trying to understand whether they like them, whether there can be something between them.
The most annoying thing is that the flash often does not occur in 3 seconds. For some, momentum is enough, but many men admit that their passion has been fueled for years, and sometimes even decades.
Will the husband return to the family from his mistress if he has been planning his “escape” for years? Complex issue.
How long does it take for husbands to return from their mistresses?
The stage when everything is fine, the world looks nice, and butterflies flutter in the stomach lasts about 3-4 months. During this period of time, the potential of the candy-bouquet period passes. There is still no time for everyday trifles, no time for solving some real problems. A man tries to look macho in the eyes of the opposite sex
capable of any feat.
After a few months, many feel that they have played enough. Now they understand that the candy-bouquet period cannot last forever. Not too hardy men may show the first signs of a desire to return to their former lives. When the husband returns from his mistress, you can understand by this "saturation" of his novel on the side.
This is pressure from the girl with a request to decide on a relationship.
To be honest, few people are satisfied with the role of a mistress. For many girls, this is humiliating, and therefore they put pressure on a man, trying to get a clear answer and promises for the future. Moreover, the promises must be quite specific. For example, a mistress can fish out a promise to divorce no later than a month later.
The husband went to his mistress, and you do not know when he will return? At this stage, he may already be thinking about returning to the family, because not every man will divorce his wife, and even more so promise to marry someone again.
When women ask how long it takes for a husband to return from his mistress, I would like to answer that after six months or a year at most, but in fact, not everything is so simple.
When your husband returns from his mistress, only your husband knows.
It all depends on what kind of relationship people are in. We can only say that often after 4-5 months of relationship (if the husband has not yet returned back), a difficult period begins. If your husband does not want to rush headlong into the maelstrom of a new relationship and understands that it was a mistake, then he will not marry.
There comes a period when he tells his mistress that he will call her back. Or he says that the moment will happen when he will settle everything, and they will be happy together again. At this time, he himself is negotiating with his wife and probing the soil.
Will the husband return to the family from his mistress,
depends largely on where there is less pressure on it.
In the final stage, when he decides to "call back later," pressure from his wife may, on the contrary, decide the case in favor of the family.
Everything is individual. And therefore it is impossible to unequivocally determine after what time the husbands return from their mistresses. We can only say unequivocally that all stages of betrayal are unpleasant and, waiting, hoping for the return of a once loved one to the family is humiliating.
Discord in the family happens often, marital relations are a complicated matter. It is difficult to advise here, but many girls fall into deep despair when they realize that the husband has gone to his mistress and this is no longer an ordinary quarrel. Therefore, we decided to nevertheless give a few recommendations so that you do not lose heart.
A family is a relationship between two people. But it is not uncommon for husbands to start a second relationship. The appearance of a mistress in a relationship is not very good news for a wife. Even more shocking is the event when the husband packs his bags and. It is difficult for a wife to endure such a betrayal and a break in relations. Often she is worried about the question: how will the fate of her husband, in fact, wanting everything to go wrong for him.
Women's magazine site understands how much a woman hurts. Her desires are to inflict pain and wish her husband only the worst. Since it is not customary to say all this out loud, nevertheless, the wife wants nothing to happen to her husband. She wants his relationship to be inharmonious, difficult, so that his mistress cheats on him, or he understands what a bad woman he chose in the end.
A husband's relationship with his mistress can develop in different ways. In the meantime, let's pay attention to the position of the wife, who is clearly suffering after the departure of her husband.
Why did the husband leave? Willy-nilly, this question worries a woman who is distracted from thoughts about how he now lives there, whether he remembers her, regrets what happened. Let's understand what were the reasons for his departure, so that if possible they would no longer be created and even eliminated if the husband returns:
These reasons are the most common, because of which men begin to make lovers. Leaving the family indicates that the reasons have indeed reached an extreme. If a man is uncomfortable in his family, then he agrees to leave in a relationship with his mistress. Additional factors may be:
If the husband is gone, your emotions are clearly choking you. You feel like crying, screaming, blaming your husband for your suffering, hitting faces, etc. But understand that you don’t need to do all this. Admit two things to yourself. First, you are very sick. Recognize that you are experiencing negative emotions. Second, don't run from your feelings. Accept that you really want your husband back. You hope that he will return to you and understand who he has lost.
Don't run from yourself. Accept your desires that contradict your resentment and anger at your husband. This is quite natural, since emotions are caused by existing circumstances, and desires look into the future and see what is desired there. In other words, inside you will feel confusion and contradiction in your desires and feelings. But just don't fight it.
Know about the following:
The departure of a husband is the appearance of your freedom in everything. You can suffer and waste your time on it. And you can live freely and enjoy your new opportunities.
Sometimes wives, even after parting with their husbands, desire. Think again if you really need it. If you still intend to return your husband, then act. Understand that husbands become very imprudent and approachable as they gain freedom. They feel indebted to no one, even their mistresses. And this means that it will be very easy to wrap your ex-husband if you follow the following rules:
Let your husband go if he leaves. At the same time, do not part with him forever. Remove the reasons why he left you. This will be difficult to do, because first you will need to admit to yourself that you, too, were to blame for something. You made mistakes - you need to eliminate them and do not make them again.
Often, ex-wives continue to take care of their husbands, even if they have long gone to their mistresses. Here, wives need to stop being mothers to their men, which, most likely, also became the reason for their departure. "How's your husband?" — do you care? If you are still thinking about how your husband's fate will turn out, then you need to read the real stories of men who went to their mistresses.
Read how cynically and indifferently they write about their wives. Understand that if your husband had feelings for you, he would not leave you. Having a mistress is one thing. But leaving her wife for her is already a real reason to understand that the husband no longer clings to his wife.
What will happen to the husband? There aren't many options here:
How to live on after the husband leaves for his mistress, it is up to you personally to decide. Nobody is responsible for your future but you. Even your husband no longer takes responsibility for making you happy. What happens in the end is up to you.
You can suffer and remember the betrayal of your husband all night long. Nothing but depression will develop in you. You can try to forget about the past. At first, it will be very difficult to do this, but time will still let go and erase your experiences. You can start a new life, meet new men. This option is not too encouraged, but it can also be used to simply not think about the ex-husband.
In other words, start a new life. Stop thinking about your husband - he is already an adult boy to be responsible for his decisions and actions. He has already made his decision about who to live with. You now have your life left, which you can spend on anything.
You can take care of yourself, children, work, etc. What to do is up to you. Just understand that whatever activity you devote your time to will shape your future. If you decide to shed tears and be offended by your husband, then you will not soon forget about him.
You can be understood at the moment when your husband leaves you, saying that he has another. But you cannot be understood months after this event. Are you still hoping for your husband's return? But think for yourself why you need such a person. He may return. But will you be sure that he will not leave again for another woman as soon as he licks his wounds.
Often exes come back only because they have not yet succeeded in their personal lives. But that doesn't mean they love it. Do you understand? If the husband comes back to you, then rather not out of love, but in order to simply restore his strength and find a new woman again. Do you want to be an "alternate airfield" that he can land on while he's alone? Understand what you are doing and who you want to spend your time on.
They never admit to their ex-wives that they feel bad, that they are drawn home - they are proud and cool. But nature and alcohol, and I met them on a hike organized by our psychologist, loosened their tongues.
I will not name the city, their real names - I promised them.
And why is it necessary; alas, typical tragedies, typical mistakes that happen next to us. Both pain and resentment are the same.
How I want men to find strength and courage in themselves and return to their first wives. So that the finale was like in the movie "Love and Doves".
Mikhail, 44 years old, lawyer:
My wife Katya and I knew each other for only six months and decided to get married as soon as we graduated from the institute. She studied in a parallel course. Tall, beautiful, with long hair. I immediately noticed the hair. She still hasn't cut them, although she wanted to a hundred times, especially in the summer. The wedding was played in my parents' apartment and spent half the night walking with friends. Young, happy. Then the first daughter was born. And after that we couldn't get pregnant for a long time. And the second daughter was born only 12 years later. I don't know how all this could happen to me. We did everything ourselves. When I lost my business, Katya took everything on her shoulders.
At the same time, I behaved disgustingly. I was ashamed of the lack of money, and I took it out on her. We overcame everything, Katyushka started talking about the third child. I remember how we danced with her at the graduation of Anna's eldest daughter. Teachers said that we ourselves are like graduates. And it seemed that the more we are together, the closer we become. And then Katya was invited to a very good position. The daughter went to Moscow to study. We were left alone. My wife disappeared at work, and so did I. And then there comes a moment that I still can not forgive myself. I want to close my eyes and erase everything from my life. To make it clear to other men who are now at a crossroads or through the looking glass. I will explain everything in detail.
We did not become strangers with my wife, everything was fine with us. Moreover, she was my closest friend. But now all my friends began to get divorced in batches. And our men's recreation, fishing, kayaking began to take place in a different way. Women began to appear. Alcohol, laughter, freedom. That's how I met Toma. A friend of one of my friend's ladies. When I was driving home, I was not ashamed. This is just one time. But one time it didn't work. I was drawn. She lived alone. Met during lunch break. And it was just a passion, but so strong that it was hard to cope. At the same time, relations with his wife were still close. These were my different lives, I did not connect them in my head. And then there was a quarrel with Katya over some trifle, then a second, a third. She did feel. I started picking on her. Specially. And, what surprises me now, I did not feel guilty. After one of the quarrels, I packed my things and left.
I called Tom, she accepted. I spent the whole week like in a fairy tale. In the morning, a five-course breakfast, massaged my legs, jumped over me. Then my mom called. I will not convey the conversation, but I was hurt by the fact that she told me who I am without Katya. No one. And here I am God for a woman. And there I am Misha. With all the shortcomings and flaws. Something like this. Everything happened very quickly. Katya and I divorced, I began to live with Toma. New friends, girlfriends, her parents. I met with my daughter, the eldest was just in shock. The family said so: he exchanged his mother for ...
Exactly a year - and I realized that I live with a complete stranger. I wake up, I look at her and I'm ready to scream from loneliness
She doesn’t need my children, jealousy for the youngest just killed. Only “NECESSARY” is left: we need to make a balcony, we need to buy a laminate, we need to change the wallpaper, we need to connect gas to the house for our parents ... The passion is gone. I see in front of me a lazy female consumer who knows nothing about family life. In the evening with friends, cafes, movies, gatherings. There is nothing to eat at home, I cook myself. Well, it's his own fault ... And there is no such warmth. Only horror that I lost my Katya. That my children have experienced it. Now I live in an apartment, I rent. My wife will not forgive me, I know that for sure. And I can’t admit that I miss you and want a family. It's a blur, nothing else. Opposite of myself. It's a shame that the wife is already dating someone ... Life has collapsed, that's for sure.
Dmitry, 39 years old, civil servant:
We were sent on a business trip for a month. In another city, four specialists. Leaving family was hard. Still summer. How will they cope without me at the dacha? I thought about it all the time. My son and wife Masha sent me photos and pictures via Viber. And then I started an affair. Just like that, with nothing to do. Another city, no one will know. The girl is pretty, naive, young. I am 34, she is 22 and already has a one year old son. Some kid didn't want to be held accountable. It became a pity.
In the evenings we walked along the beautiful embankment, I bought her ice cream, she was very happy with any gift. And I got attached. Very fast. Didn't even expect it. Then they parted with tears, because I did not deceive her: I said that I was married and had an eleven-year-old son. Left. But we continued to correspond. Masha asked why I coded the phone, I had to lie. And I missed you a lot.
I came up with a business trip, again went to Nastya for a week. And I realized that I did not want to leave anymore. And I’m such a bastard, I came to my wife with champagne and flowers, I say, we need to seriously discuss something. There was a scandal, then tears, Masha begged to think about her son, family. Then she kicked out.
I rented an apartment and moved Nastya and her son to my city. All our friends did not understand anything, the parents spoke out: “Your life, decide, you are a man.” Masha's friends said that she had completely broken down, she was crying all day long, her son had slipped into school. It was very painful to hear it. Divorced difficult, with the division of property and scandals. I almost hated Masha. Nastya supported me ... And all the time I thought that you shouldn’t get married early, real love can come during marriage and it will hurt everyone. What now? I do not even know where to start. I am raising someone else's child, to whom I have not become attached, the boy is very complex, with behavioral problems and tantrums. Nastya is a good girl, but not my person at all. Do you understand? I was on an equal footing with Masha, she is smart, educated, serious, purposeful. Nastya does not want to work, study, does not want anything. I replace her father, or something.
There is nothing to talk about, in the evenings "Dom-2", there are no girlfriends, she does not want to communicate with my friends. If earlier my house was hospitable and feasting, now, in order to invite me to visit, I buy food for the table. Nastya leaves with her son so as not to interfere. He is silent with the wives of friends, hides in a corner and is silent. I wanted to pay for her institute - no, it's not necessary. I watch old Soviet films - I don’t know a single one. I don't know what else to say.
My Masha is still alone. And I miss her and my son for three years now. The child is already a teenager, such a good guy. I can't tell her that I love her. After such betrayal, after such pain, what have I done. Friends already believed in mysticism: like they just bewitched me then.
But I understand that I succumbed to something else. That I exchanged a very important and expensive for a simple and unnecessary for me. Nastya clung to me like ivy. “You took me out of my city. You took responsibility for me and my son!” How it all hurts. How could it be possible to get into trouble without brains, thinking something else. If Masha had forgiven me, I would have returned. But, as practice shows, men are rarely forgiven for such things. And what to do next, I do not know.
Alexey, 61 years old, builder:
I have a short and sad story. Bes in the ribs. I lived with my wife for 27 years. We have a son and a daughter - the weather. It was difficult, but my wife and I were still halves, we coped well with all the difficulties.
Immediately after the birth of my grandson, I found a woman. Or rather, she me. I liked all this attention, I felt like a young man, not a grandfather. And I was very upset that I began to age. He was as young as he could. And here is a beautiful single lady 15 years younger than me. I won’t say that I was a good girl in marriage, there were all sorts of things: both buns on the side, and fleeting novels, but my wife Tanya has always been a priority. And here is the thing - fell in love. We met for a year, and then she delivered an ultimatum. And at home there are spins, cucumbers, tomatoes, the wife in a dirty apron screams. And I wanted a new, beautiful life. We, men, do not always understand, or rather, we forget that we are not gifts in life. That our women have got used to us, that we are already dear people, a lot is forgiven. I left Tanya.
The children did not talk to me, mutual friends staged a boycott. Everyone took the side of the wife. She lost 20 kg, became haggard, fell ill. The son shouted: “Dad, are you a fool at all? You are different with her, look!”
Olechka tried to improve relations with the children, she did not have her own. I asked my grandson for the weekend. But it was taboo. Really, my life is different. We traveled to Egypt, Turkey, Thailand, the United Arab Emirates. Everything was beautiful and unusual. My wife and I had a private house, where we rested, sometimes going to a sanatorium on a work permit or to Lazarevskoye. Olya changed hats, spoke slowly and somehow in a cinematic way. I still thought how such a woman chose me. And then I got sick. And I had to be taken care of. Stroke. Olya held out for two months, and then asked the children to pick me up, because she had a job, and I was unattended. She became irritable, said that she did not have enough money, and now she had to work hard. This is where it all came to me. Who is friend and who is foe.
My wife took me! Can you imagine it? She went out, but did not forgive. "Love and Doves" is a good movie, but life is not like that. I have been living in a hostel for five years now. I'm not happy with myself. I understand that I love my wife and children and grandchildren. But nothing can be returned. It's a very scary feeling! Very! Understand that he himself destroyed everything. That you betrayed and then betrayed you. That your wife never found a man. That you are now alone and not attracted to any woman.
Maxim, 35 years old, entrepreneur:
I filed for divorce myself. He himself decided to go to his mistress and he himself now bears all this on his shoulders. My wife doesn't even know how bad I feel. I have such a character: I can’t confess and fall into the dirt on my face. And now I understand how nasty I acted. I left my wife and daughter because of love. It seemed to me that this was correct. When you can't live without someone anymore. Everything started very quickly. Julia came to my office as an accountant, put everything in order, smiling, beautiful, with humor. Such is the whole megastar, freedom-loving and passionate about pole dancing. And I got. Our romance lasted two years! And then she said she was pregnant. And then I decided that this is a sign. He left the family, my second daughter was born.
The first went to the second grade. I helped my first wife and child. He seemed to do everything like a decent man. Julia posted our photos on social networks, on Instagram happy faces, “breakfast for a loved one”, the first steps of my daughter, the blue coast of Bali, that’s what my Kotya gave me, “a happy family on vacation”, “my beloved pampers me with this and that ". Instagram is really beautiful and happy…
In fact, our fights are endless. From morning to evening on weekends, in the morning breakfast is not at all for me, but for a photo.
There is almost no bed, I work with the child, Yulia at my training. There can be no talk of work, she is a star, and she should be appreciated just by her side ... And next to me was a selfish, ostentatious person, aimed only at external beauty ...
We came to my grandparents, so she squeamishly washed all the forks before sitting down to the table. I couldn’t go to the toilet: “It smells like old people there ...” It’s impossible to make a remark, immediately a scandal. You can not talk - screams. But on the street we are a happy, beautiful, awesome couple with a stroller for 120 thousand (this is very important for her). And I watch Irina, my first wife, more and more. And more and more I understand who I lost. And for whom. There is a child, here is a child. Irina is a lawyer in good company, a smart daughter. Home is a cozy place… My daughter says that her mother watches social media pages with me. She says it hurts, but dad found his happiness and you have to be smart and forgive. What happiness?
If you knew, our calm, kind, sweet women, what could be hiding behind this. Once, for the fifth wedding anniversary, I gave Irina a picture with humor, where our faces have grown old and children and grandchildren are around us. She is still in front of my eyes.
In most cases, if a husband leaves for another, this leads to divorce and the destruction of what was built with such trepidation and tenderness. We have to share what has been jointly acquired over the years. Then the weaker sex begins to constantly torment itself with the question of what to do if the husband left for another. Should I try to beg him not to leave, or send him on all four sides? How not to lose heart in such a critical period? Should I try to return my husband to the family? How not to withdraw into yourself? to another woman and continue to live without him? Consider what to do if the husband went to his mistress.
According to most psychologists, the departure of a husband for another is a difficult life situation that must and can be experienced. If, nevertheless, the husband went to his mistress, you can slowly eat yourself up, cry and not find a place for yourself because he fell in love with another. Feelings of painful resentment at her husband, at his mistress, at herself, wild anger, deep guilt and fear of loneliness, a future life without him, even after a while, take precedence over other emotions. Pride and self-esteem of a woman are hurt. In this situation, you need to calm down and not do stupid things. If you think about it, nothing terrible happened: you have family, friends, friends who love you, you have support, you are healthy, you have a place to live and what to eat. Life continues to go on as usual, but a problem arises, the departure of her husband to another.
You can’t pester your spouse with calls, scribble messages for days, uninterruptedly look for meetings with him, throw a tantrum, scold and condemn him in the eye. Such behavior will only alienate the man. He will feel like a bird in a cage and will want to get rid of you at all costs.
You can’t constantly cry, regret the past years, neglect caring for yourself and your loved ones. If the husband left, then you can’t make yourself a victim and blame only your spouse for what happened. Do not assume that the departure of a spouse is the end of the world. After all, “if one door closes, the next one will open behind it.” In the future, new happy relationships will await you for life, but only on the condition that now you pull yourself together. Just keep doing what you love and know how to do.
There is no need to threaten the husband and his current passion, try to take revenge on them, scare them with the fact that he will not communicate with the children, since he left. You should not pursue your competitor, sort things out with her, beg her to return your husband. You understand that she is not like you, since she took a man away from his family. Such actions will not lead to anything good. This will scare away the ex-husband, and hatred and pity for you may arise in him.
You should not talk about the fact that the husband went to his mistress, all acquaintances, work colleagues, neighbors, all girlfriends. Everyone should not complain about their husband, say: “I did everything for him, but he ...”. They will not say anything worthwhile, but they will spread rumors about your man. Of course, you need to talk to your loved ones to make it easier. Do not forget that in this life there are very few sincere people who will tell you how to live on. But they do wish you happiness. Be independent, find the strength to endure. Ignore the gossip that will curl around you.
It would be inappropriate to immediately look for another and enter into debt with him. No need to change men like gloves. Others will spoil the opinion of your person. And the beloved will consider that it was not in vain that he left at the right time. It must take at least a year for thoughts of him to leave my mind. It is better to spend this year on self-improvement. Live through this time. Try to understand what did not suit him, so as not to repeat these mistakes with other men.
Here the situation is relatively simpler, since they have not yet established a permanent connection, these are not stable long-term feelings, but most likely only a passion for it. Usually this is a young girl with appetizing forms, who was seduced by maturity, perhaps the money of a man. She is still young, fresh, attractive and sexy. In this case, husbands are only interested in sex and her external data. They have some kind of animal instinct. They can also be attracted by young carelessness, a tendency to reckless actions, lightness. The young lady seems to them some kind of unearthly creature. This is the psychology of men. Everything will go wrong when they heal together, because there are no perfect people. When people meet, have sex, go to restaurants, they are blinded by blissful feelings.
Living together is not a fairy tale for adults, which consists of sleeping together, eating deliciously, drinking and making love. You need to live together for years of life, gradually get used to each other, experience both joy, and disappointment, and grief, and at the same time maintain a noble feeling.
After a man and his young girlfriend begin to live together, all the “charm” of life is revealed: minor problems, a difference in interests, an inability to maintain a home, create comfort, communicate with an adult man, and run a household. Then he will know the whole essence of his mistress. After all, lovers do not want to adapt to someone. They believe that they will not indulge anyone's desires. They will easily change a man, but not their life. Your chosen one, in turn, will certainly want to return to his former well-established life. If there is a problem, then it will solve itself. Here another question arises, how to cope with the deep wounds that the actions of a loved one inflicted. Is it worth it to forgive him, although he worries and repents ...
Men do not tend to leave families, even having a permanent relationship. In this situation, you need to delve into yourself. Try to understand why he leaves. Why did he leave you now, and when exactly did the discord in the relationship begin? Try to understand why this happened. It would seem that they do not leave a quiet life. As a rule, dissatisfaction with family relationships becomes the reason for cheating on a husband. Remember at what point in your marriage the crisis could begin. How did it happen that? A long marriage, routine sex, extinguished love, neglected appearance could lead to the fact that the spouse wanted you to leave his life. Then you need to take care of the figure, change clothes, update your image.
There is another important task. You need to sort out your feelings. Are you ready to forgive the betrayal of the departed person? Can you continue to live with him? Will he leave yet? If you are determined to return him, then you need to gradually introduce other men into your life, but do not rush to start a long relationship. You are sexy and charming, so in addition, the attention of men is turned on you, this will lay your husband on the shoulder blades, he will be “strangled” by a sense of ownership. So he will quickly realize that he has lost a loving person, and will certainly return.
As for the other woman, she considers her lover successful, trusts him and wants children from him. Usually, even having a constant mistress, husbands are not eager to leave the family. They are kicked out by the women themselves, furious with the news of the betrayal. If there is the slightest chance to save the family, you should not throw his things from the balcony and drive him out of the house screaming. Especially do not file for divorce in the heat of anger. This will show you from a disadvantageous side. Surrounding people and your children will consider you a hysteric, that you are to blame, and not a traitor. Stay calm and you will feel your strength returning.
According to statistics, one of the favorite actions of abandoned women is to blame their lovers for the departure of their husbands and manipulate with the help of children. These include: communication bans, constant reminders of children, endless demands for money for them, especially since the law is on the woman's side.
If the husband went to his mistress and now returned for the sake of the children, then this will suppress the woman. She will know that her husband has fallen in love with another, and she herself will want to leave him. The situation at home will only get worse. A child should not be a reason for the joint life of a woman and a man. The family hearth should be built on mutual understanding and love. Integral companions of any relationship are caring for each other and mutual respect. How long can a family last if they live only for the sake of their children?
You need to file for child support. Even if he claims that he will financially support the children, and the husband left for another, leaving everything to you. Perhaps you still do not know what another woman is capable of and what her requests for men are. It can help stop helping children. You don’t need to constantly worry and think that you don’t need anything from a traitor, that you can easily handle it alone. A stable income can decrease at any time, and money certainly will not interfere.
So, how to survive the departure of her husband to another, if the husband is not going to return. How to forget your husband? Under no circumstances should you be selfish. You should not say: "I love, and that's it." You are a beautiful, charming and attractive woman. You must ignite that spark that could go out under the yoke of everyday life. Life does not revolve around one man.
First of all, you should change your external image. For example, update your wardrobe, hairstyle, lose weight or get a sexy tattoo. Choose brighter clothes, put a smile on your face and go conquer the world. If you finally decide to forget him, throw away everything related to the person who left for another. Erase it from your head, from your life, from your heart. Why do you need to remember him again. Tear or burn shared photos. Throw away his things: tools, shirts, underpants. You don't have to refer them to him. He doesn't deserve it.
Get out of the house, walk more on the street, in the park or in the forest. Avoid long periods of being alone. Meet friends in a club, cafe, arrange gatherings with a friend at home. When you are alone, think positively - it can be much worse, and this is not the most difficult situation.
You need to speak up. It's great if you have a smart friend who will help put everything in its place and calm you down. Contact her. Choose carefully who you can talk to. If not, then you need to go to a specialist. Be sure to listen to the advice of a psychologist. In a very difficult moment, you can call a helpline or a psychological help center. It is possible that in the circle of your close friends there are people who have survived treason. Talk to them, ask for advice and find out how long it took them to return the meaning of life.
Gynecologists advise to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and other diseases. It would also be useful to clarify the presence of pregnancy. In the event of threats from your husband or in the event of a divorce, you will need to seek legal advice and another specialist.
If you have finally decided for yourself that you can live with your husband after infidelity and are able to spend as much effort as you like, then this list is for you:
So, you should remain a strong and self-sufficient person who survived the departure of her husband and accept this blow of fate. Soon your heartache will subside. Your life is in your hands and another bright future is just around the corner. After all, as you know, time heals and cures. Happiness will return to you. Nothing returns to its place, even if the departed husband returns. Now it will still be different, and this is one of the steps to further development. You have many opportunities for self-realization. You should not suffer for too long from the thought that he betrayed you and abandoned you, constantly think that your husband has gone to another, how to survive this. Perhaps his act was needed to start a new life or in order for feelings to flare up with renewed vigor.
I am 31 years old. More than 10 years ago I met a girl, at that time there were many problems, she helped me cope with all this, emotionally supported me. As a result, I graduated from the institute, got a good job, began to successfully grow up the career ladder.
Family relations have always been relatively smooth, there were quarrels, without excesses. I will also say that the ex-wife at work had a good position, we did not experience financial problems. We were always surrounded by good friends, we lived in our country house, a good car, a smart son, he will be 10 years old in the summer.
I don’t know what I was missing, the relationship grew cold and became purely domestic, although extremely comfortable. A little over six months ago I met a girl on a business trip, stayed with her for 3 days and I fell in love for real. We began to secretly meet in another city (we are from different cities), since there were reasons to leave. website Before the New Year, I made my choice, confessed everything to my wife and went to my mistress. He left everything acquired to her and her son, good alimony, along with this, an unpaid mortgage. She has enough money, but without alimony it will not be so sweet, rather the opposite.
After the holidays, they began to file a divorce, and I was preparing for a new wedding. The transfer took shape at work in the city where we now live with my new wife. Everything went smoothly, they played a great wedding, my friends and parents arrived, everyone liked each other, because my new wife is just fire - beautiful, smart, loves me, has a great sense of humor.
Indeed, it worked out great for me. Literally a week ago, it began to dawn on my brain, blinded by a new life, what I had actually done. I ruined my ex-wife's life, just destroyed it, started to find out what she went through. He ruined his son's life, although we continue to communicate closely as much as possible.
Now doubts begin to gnaw at me, there is no faith in the happy future of my new family. In general, it is difficult to describe what is going on in my soul, there is no site for anyone and nothing in the world that or whom I hate as much as myself. My wife does not understand what is happening to me, I stopped talking, smiling, I can’t even look into her eyes.
It’s frankly scary to talk to her, I don’t understand how to tell her all this. I found out that my ex-wife was waiting for me back, well, more precisely, we could fix everything again, albeit with difficulty. I miss her madly, my son, friends, home, my cat, my life. The current wife loves me very much, but I understand that I don’t want to have children anymore (she doesn’t know about it, how to tell her about it, I can’t figure it out either), she is unlikely to build happiness with me.
The second day, I, an adult man, have tears rolling when I am left somewhere alone, from anger at myself and from impotence. I don’t know how to continue to live with all this, and, frankly, I don’t want to live, really. Of course, this is all wildness and terrible thoughts, but I don’t know how to cope with these emotions.
Here is a site such a sad story. All friends considered us the standard of a happy family, they said to each other: "that's how good they are, what a strong family they have, that's who you need to look up to." And the head of this family turned out to be the most terrible person, in his own opinion.
