Hello Anton. I do not know what to do. Three months ago I found out that my wife was cheating, I even know with whom, I see him every day. I had to leave immediately, but I couldn’t, my son is 6 years old, I have a third marriage. Although one would be enough, I am a normal and accommodating person. But no luck. She denied everything, but this is a natural reaction. For the first time in my life, I am terribly depressed, I did not expect that this could happen at all. Three months was a nightmare for me. Now she loves me in words, sex, etc., she says she loves me. but I do not believe, such a state, even climb into the loop. I can't tell my friends and family. Maybe get a woman on the side,
Suggest something.
Voleriy, Nizhny Novgorod, 53 years old
Hello Voleriy.
I would definitely not recommend getting a woman. Just because it will completely destroy everything. The wife will find out, she will also get hurt, this will be superimposed on the already existing crisis, and the family will most likely not stand it ... What can be done here: start talking about what led to the betrayal. After all, it wasn’t just that she needed a person on the side? Do you know what didn't suit her? Here, try to find out. Yes, at first it may be difficult for her to believe that you are ready to discuss this. But over time, I think you will be able to find the opportunity for frank and confidential conversations. And then you can really do something to ensure that the likelihood of infidelity would be minimized. After all, no one leaves a good, real, satisfactory relationship. And if she says that she loves and is trying to maintain a relationship, then most likely it is. If nothing is expensive and you need it, they leave immediately. She needed and expensive, but something was missing. And if you have the courage to take on your part of the responsibility (whether we like it or not, both are responsible for any situation in a couple) - you can change the situation so that this crisis will serve to strengthen relations, no matter how it sounds now strange for you.
Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.
Hello, cry of the soul, I accidentally found out that my wife has been cheating on me for 6 months. My wife and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for 5, we have a 4-year-old daughter, everything was fine, until recently, that is, we loved each other, we live in of our odnushka, we were going to expand, we work with average earnings, but enough, we save for an apartment and vacation, we go to the sea every year, my wife is prominent, beautiful, sexy, tall, very economic, and in addition a workaholic, I also work, to the left, I don’t go, I don’t drink beer after work, our relationship began passionately, rapidly, and after half a year, we started thinking about the wedding, this is more of her initiative, I loved her very much, all the time compliments, romantic sms, gifts as best I could (the wife loves attention very much, so that she would always be given compliments, create romance), but all this came down, one can say to nothing, the memorized words "I love you", "kiss", etc., but at the same time the relationship seems normal , rarely swears, there were no scandals, only sex wants the best, rarely and not passionate, but at the same time I know how to to orgasm, Recently I began to notice that my wife began to take care of herself, either peeling, or hairdressing, but I liked it, I also began to buy dresses just in packs, and underwear (sometimes I choose underwear for her, I give it, high-quality,) just "Chica" as she began to call herself, in general, I accidentally found out that she has a lover, a work colleague, but younger than 5-6 years old, (I forgot my wife is 32, I'm 36), accidentally got into the phone, and the tmakown in VK has already been deleted , but I restored it, a fake nickname, and just one friend, at first I didn’t understand what it was, there are declarations of love, how they miss you, etc., but I look further at the numbers, I understand that it’s all written as we rested in Greece, as my daughter’s DR noted, I couldn’t stand it and showed it, then everything opened up, they say I fell in love, he’s so gallant, romantic, affectionate, and I’m a stale cracker, I found out that when I was at work, she had a day off, went to him, says she found in him all the affection that was missing from me. She said that she constantly thinks about him, and probably loves, but at the same time does not want to lose me, their connection lasts somewhere 5 months I’m not going to give up my wife to him, so we already have an established family, a child that we love and pamper. I honestly love my wife, but there is no romance, I understand everything, sometimes it’s banal, but don’t go to extreme measures I am ready to swallow everything, forgive, by any means restore the once forgotten relationship, but the sediment that eats me from the inside (I forgot to write that I know my lover, they once worked in a place, I called him, they say leave me alone from my wife , and I love her too, everything is in a cultural form, without threats and swearing), Dear psychologists, what should I do, how to live on, I don’t want a divorce, the child will suffer, first of all. I am ready to change, radically reconsider life. Give good advice. Thanks in advance
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To the attention of happy holders of a marriage certificate! British scientists have identified a fundamental pattern: women are programmed for adultery. Oleksandr MESHKOV, the oldest editorial lady-lover, talks about this phenomenon.
Cuckolds! You are legion!
The married men tensed up, frowned: “You're lying! Mine doesn't change! I know for sure!" Break off, guys, this conclusion is made on the basis of anthropological studies in 62 countries of the world. The British predict the first trip to the left four years after the wedding. But even if you still have a couple of years left, do not flatter yourself. These Brits are insufferable optimists! Everything will happen sooner! Get ready, friends, for this every day! And it does not matter that you are sexually demanded by your wife, that you give her flora, gifts from boutiques and kiss before leaving for work. “A woman, even in happiness, has a penchant for flirting,” said the writer Max Frisch, deeply respected by me. And he won't lie.
Female infidelity, as well as the fragility of marriages, is programmed at the DNA level. Although recently the social situation has also contributed to this: poverty, drunkenness, stratification of society, bribery, the criminalization of society, prostitution and moral degradation (I feel it in my own example). There were fewer divorces in the past. Now it is an epidemic more abruptly than consumption and smallpox. Marriages break up more often, oddly enough, based on love. A pragmatic approach to marriage is almost guaranteed against falling apart. In such reasonable families, any scandal will be hushed up, so as not to lose their stake.
History will judge
Women from corporate ethics will not agree with me and will run into men: “They spoiled us themselves!” But let's turn to history. The tendency to polygamy has been inherent in a woman since prehistoric times. The woman was covered by all the males of the pack. Later, at the dawn of human civilization, there was a spiritual custom: the husband, according to the law of hospitality, was obliged to give up his wife for the night to a weary traveler. After all, a husband covers his wife, read, every day, gets tired, and just right for a fresh traveler, he slightly abstained on the way. Elena the Beautiful, because of which the armed Trojan conflict broke out, was just the sweet fruit of such an accidental connection. King Tyndareus (her father) hospitably allowed a handsome young stranger to spend the night with his wife, and she immediately suffered. Elena was born as beautiful as a foreigner, only with breasts. The rest of the children of Tyndareus were, if not freaks, then quite ordinary creatures of God. Elena, at the age of 12, with the light hand of Theseus, parted with such a dubious virtue as virginity, and gave birth to Iphigenia from him. And then this flirtatious woman successfully jumped out to marry Menelaus and left for Sparta.
If a woman asks...
Somehow, a girl with whom I had strong love at that moment called and asked to visit. She was lonely: she quarreled with her parents, a friend got married, a filling popped out, she lost her gold chain and she got a runny nose. But that evening I was up to my neck and politely declined.
I was invited to dinner by a young man, she said then. - May I go?
I have never seen anything reprehensible in eating together. I myself ate more than once in the cafeteria with the girls and even a couple of times with the guys. In the army, we generally ate at the same time with the whole company. I didn't think there was anything wrong with dinner. The next day we met as if nothing had happened. I didn't even ask about last night's dinner. Forgot. A month later, I found out that that dinner at the restaurant smoothly turned into breakfast in bed.
But why? I asked confused.
I was lonely and hurt,” she replied.
And the essence of this betrayal is simple: never refuse a girl intimacy, because there will immediately be another. The holy womb is never empty. At lazy shepherds wolves are always full. Everything in this life can be postponed, my friends, except for sex and love! Even harvesting spring crops, launching a spaceship, logging, meeting friends if they are at the expense of sex!
When? Why? With whom?
The main reason for female infidelity, of course, is unsatisfied sexuality: libido is over the top, but there is no real man around. And if there is, then he drinks, such a beast. But often a woman's betrayal occurs because of her late entry into the fabulous and alluring world of sex. Appetite comes with eating. I want to eat my fill.
Can our girls cheat on us because of revenge. You to me - I to you! They will certainly instruct the horns of a workaholic who devotes himself only to work.
A good reason to change is the desire to get a dose of adrenaline. Oh, mothers, what will happen? New partner, secret date, new hands, hot kisses. Oh! What if mine finds out? The wife of a friend of mine, who was a born yogi, liked to tempt his friends into sin in the kitchen while he was meditating. Besides me, the yogi had many more friends. Some came to visit twice a day. Yogi! Be careful with meditations! Beware of friends!
According to statistics, most changes occur in the workforce. That's where office romances kick in. So why not let them go to work? But an electrician or a plumber can come home, as well as a massage therapist, a fitness instructor, a home doctor, a friend of the house, after all.
A strong-willed female dictator is more likely to have someone on the side than a submissive, dumb slave. Down with the dictatorship! Wives to the nail!
The more we love a woman, the more chances we have to become the owner of branched horns. Young girls with still unspent sexual energy are also more likely to point the horns at you than an old woman exhausted by everyday life. But the most dangerous age is 35 years. The husband is already disgusted, but she is also to him, but I want a lot of affection and a little orgasm. At 35, an eye and an eye for his wife. In addition, educated wives cheat more often than illiterate fools. Down with education!
Having an uninhibited single girlfriend can also push your wife to cheat. What are they talking about? About football? About the theatre? Dudki! Married girlfriends tend to share the joy of shameful pleasures. What causes unhealthy envy in your half.
And in general there are women who do not change? Theoretically - yes. But only because there is no possibility, object, favorable combination of circumstances. Everyone would like to change, but it's scary.
I can see everything from above, you know it!
Whether your wife is cheating on you or not, guys, you can’t tell by touch. And don't try. I tried - empty! Visually, everything seems to be in place. Here you need to become a little psychologist, psychoanalyst and sex therapist. Attention!
A). Your wife from a fat-bellied hostess has suddenly become a beautiful model, without her usual shopping bag, a new hairstyle, her breasts are puffing up, a feverish look, manicures, pedicures, new panties, a heaped bra, her ass is shaking. Everything! Feel your head!
B). Denies you intimacy: “My head hurts, I’m tired, leave me alone, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, I can’t. You smell bad!" Looking for a man!
V). Stays at work. Lots of work. Aha! We know this job! They were delayed!
G). On weekends, he goes: to his girlfriend, to courses, to fitness, to the library, to the planetarium, to shopping. Yes we know! We go fishing!
D). Expensive tsatski appeared, brings flowers from work, new, expensive perfumes. This is with her salary! Check closet, balcony and under bed immediately!
P.S. (My friend! Read at night, cut it out and hang it on the wall in a frame!)
Studies conducted in some developed countries have shown that 11% of children were not born from legal fathers. The chances of a woman flying from a random partner are much higher than from a permanent one.
50% of all female infidelities occur during the period of ovulation and the days immediately after menstruation, when she cannot bear it.
Attention! Every 15th child is not only "alien", he is also conceived in a situation where the woman's uterus contains the sperm of two men. One of them is a legal husband. And the lover has more chances to win! Here's a joke!
A frantic, curly-haired, muscular laughter-lover releases up to 600 million spermatozoa into a new partner, and a hateful bald husband only 150-300 million. Inside the womb, these spermatozoa begin to beat like Tatars and Russians on the Kulikovo field. The bulk of spermatozoa are fighters. They are 85%. They release poison into the vigorous reproductive spermatozoa. They are only 1 percent. The lover always has more “killers” than the husband.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
In Judea, wicked traitors were stoned. In some Asian countries, the death penalty for treason has not yet been abolished. In Africa - Oh! Horror! - cut off the clitoris with a blunt knife. Girls! Beware Africans!
And to you guys, I advise you, having learned about treason, to forgive these weak creatures. You yourself are sometimes here and there, something, something like ... Okay, I'm joking, of course. To their stables and pour lashes! We should not walk with horns.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! The thing is. I met a girl for a long time, lived in a civil marriage for more than 5 years, there was a serious attitude and a desire to arrange a wedding, in the end she agreed. I emphasize that we were the first in bed with each other, I cheated on her once, for which my conscience rinsed for about three months before tantrums, in the end I confessed to her, and we survived it. However, towards the end of the relationship, I already realized that we had become more roommates or relatives than husband and wife. No kids. There were attempts to break up on my part, she held me back with pity. It's unbearable for me to see someone else suffer. Shortly before the wedding, my current wife appeared. Young, talented, otherwise beautiful (different type). I have feelings for her to this day. Initially, I had serious intentions for her (God, how childish sounds), and I married her less than a year after we met. I am a believer, I was 100% sure of her, got married. At first it was hard for me (the breakup of previous relationships was painful, moving to another city, difficulties with money (she worked alone), she seemed to do everything well, she didn’t pull money, she was attentive, she didn’t saw. There was a nuance in bed. She is temperamentally me fits much more than my previous woman, but I don’t seem to want my current wife (I didn’t immediately have the same passion as people have). However, visually she is pleasant to me, she takes care of herself. Against this background, an inferiority complex has partially developed, because k. if you don’t want a woman, misfires often come out (which has never happened with a previous woman), but I just can’t fuck a woman selfishly, rape a woman low. another when you step over the will of a woman and feel that you are not wanted.
With the introduction like everything, I turn to the essence of the problem. She naturally had men before me. Very little, and I understood that this happens in life, and I need to accept a person. It was not easy, my psyche was not ready for this, but I managed. He himself understood that he himself was not an angel either. Further, the relationship after a year turned into a living hell. I try my best to make her happy (I give gifts for no reason, I arrange surprises, I try to be attentive and fulfill requests, I seem to cope with the male part of the house, I regularly help women with household chores, I work, I let her not work if she doesn’t want or doesn’t I like the work, in general, I jump around it like a goat.) And I don’t seem to be a fool, manipulators (including skilled ones, I saw a lot), I look at her, analyze everything - she seems sincere, she seems to love, but I don’t feel warmth in my address at all . I know that it does not deceive and does not walk. However, in the last 2 months, she stopped wanting me (or wanting sex, according to her). I also try to take care of myself - sports, I wash myself every day, I shave all sorts of armpits there, etc., but not to the point of enthusiasm (effeminateness). Any harassment and romance do not give any sense. But this is half the trouble. The trouble is that the emotional background is terrible, I have depression right up to some kind of seizures (I have never had this before), every day I think that it would be cool to commit suicide (stops understanding that this is weakness, pain for relatives, and hell for religious beliefs). I can't do this anymore. I feel lonely and not needed (especially not in demand). Due to moral principles, I do not walk, although there are sooo many options, because. there is both data and money (which I earn myself). With all this, due to depression, I began to become paranoid that I was being deceived. As a result, I looked at her correspondence with one friend (she naturally deleted everything with ex-boyfriends), and was very impressed that she 1. herself initiated communication with her ex, knowing that he had a girlfriend. 2. she fucked him for petty courtship and it even pissed her off. 3. It was before me. 4. Something I downplayed and removed the details. 5. She did not have a relationship that would last at least six months.
Yes, I read all these wonderful articles that once you love a person, you need to accept him. It's not even about me, I'll endure. I'm afraid for the children who may be, tk. if she decides to cheat on me, I will most likely go to kill in the truest sense of the word (God forbid). Well, you yourself understand how all these stories, even in a mild form, can affect the child's psyche.
And I don't feel like myself. I am a morally stable, reasonable, balanced person in the past, every day I drink 1-0.5 bottles of Corvalol, etc., this is unbearable. What happened to me? I try to give, to do. Yes, I need something in return, but I ask for simple things: love, fidelity, care and tenderness, cleanliness in the house, cooking. Everything. Here's the truth. At the same time, there are some constant resentments, I can’t really say anything, I’m trying to take the first step for the hundredth time and I don’t get feedback. And I'm fighting myself. She also looks gloomy, but I have feelings and responsibility for her, I also cannot sit idly by.
In general, we came closer to the final. The first problem is the most acute, the second is the most important, the third matters.
1. I subconsciously consider her a whore and she disgusts me.
2. I am unbearable in these relations in the current period.
3. She does not want me, a young man without sex and understanding that he is in demand is bad.
P.S. All my life I have tried to cultivate masculine qualities in myself, I tried to look at myself first of all - am I making a mistake? I tried to absorb conflicts and be able to listen. In the end, I don't know who I am? Can you tell me? If I missed the moment and became a rag, then say it directly (as about everything else) without trying to soften anything, it's better. I better know the truth, then I will have something to work with.
P.P.S. I can’t get a divorce - I’m married (my taboo), I can’t take a break (I tried to stay with relatives for a week), I worry too much about her, and she pulls me to her.
P.P.P.S Age difference 5 years. I'm older.
Help me, I have no one to talk to. She is too dear to me to speak ill of her to someone. And I don’t have such close friends with whom you can talk about anything. All parted, those with whom at least somehow he could. Yes, I can't do that either. I'm used to solving my own problems. Forces at the limit. Maybe my situation is not worth a damn, but I passed something completely, I need help.
Good afternoon, Maxim!
It is felt that you have a lot of pain, despair, confusion. It seems that you are now confused and see no way out.
I have a lot of questions that need to be sorted out so that it becomes clear what is happening to you.
You write that you don’t feel love and warmth from your wife, the question immediately arose “how should she express her feelings so that you feel loved?” and "what has changed lately that you stopped feeling love from your wife?"
I saw that for some reason you are very painfully worried that your wife is not the first man, that she had feelings and sex before you. Some kind of strong fear of her betrayal. Although, as I understand it, there are no prerequisites. And this is your fear. The question is where is he from, why are you so worried.
You read the wife’s correspondence with a friend and the feeling that, not really knowing anything about her relationship, the feelings that he was with those men, and how the wife experienced her breakups, you clearly and categorically gave a very negative assessment. Sometimes it would not hurt to know what motivated a person at that moment, what he was going through and how he lived, in order to immediately judge whether it was bad or not. Moreover, I personally do not see anything terrible on all three counts. And the last point is not clear at all. The reasons for a short-term relationship can be anything, and sometimes a person himself is not happy and wants a long-term relationship, but it doesn’t work out.
Write that "She does not want me, a young man without sex and understanding that he is in demand is bad." I do not quite understand what exactly is bothering you - that your wife does not want you or that you physically need sex. And is it really bad for you from the lack of sex or from the very fact that you are not wanted? These are different things.
And the most, in my opinion, the main point. You write that for some reason your wife does not want you and you are offended by this. BUT. In your letter it is very clear to me that you do not accept your wife, you condemn her, she is somehow bad for you. Actually, you yourself confirm this (that you consider your wife a whore, that you do not want her as a woman). And you broadcast it voluntarily or involuntarily in your behavior. And the wife feels it.
I would recommend you work with a psychologist. And it is unlikely that it will be 1-2 meetings. Rather, a longer therapy, where you can understand yourself, your relationships with women (how you build them, what you broadcast with your behavior, how you choose women, etc.), with your wife, with your fears and attitudes in which you are now confused.
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We greet you! The article will analyze the situation when wife cheated(changes), but her husband does not know what to do further, what conclusions to draw, how to behave, forgive and forget or file for divorce, understand your mistake, or vice versa, accuse of a frivolous attitude towards yourself. There are a great many situations, so we will not insist on both divorce and the preservation of marriage (who have children, families). It's up to you.
If you are sure that your wife cheated on you, you heard it from her or revealed evidence of this misconduct, then tearing off your shoulder is not worth it. It is recommended to cool down and make a decision in your right mind, this practice exists, and many resort to a variety of actions. In the case when the verdict is issued urgently, 20% of the victims of adultery regret their actions.
So, what to do if wife cheated? How to calm your inner state? What methods to apply in relation to it? How to be if you have a joint child (or even several)? Let's find answers to these other related questions. And we will start by considering the issue in the case when there are children in the family.
As it turns out, a husband who decides to forgive his wife for the sake of preserving the family ends up leaving her. The fact is that psychological discomfort does not go away and the mania of persecution of shock, to a greater extent, remains. Questions arise in my head: “What am I living for? Who do I live for? Why am I staying in this place? Do I need a family where only children love me? ... ”Such thoughts hover in the head of men for a long time - this is a proven fact. And what if the betrayal is not confirmed? It is necessary to determine whether it was at all, because not everyone can open up. To uncover the facts, we have prepared several articles:
So, for three to five years, such psychological pressure cannot be tolerated, so the man files for divorce with further legal litigation, where, if possible, the children remain with him, if not, with his ex-wife. This happens even when you are not trying hard to restore relations with your wife, but are waiting for your children to come of age, but, unfortunately, even this scenario does not always work, let's look at the reasons and factors by answering the question: “Why?”
These are the most common factors that make the continued existence of your marriage impossible or very difficult. To keep such a marriage or not, if you find out that your wife is cheating- you decide, what to do if the choice in favor of divorce is already the second question, we will consider it a little later. It is important to remember that the first thing that formed your family is relationships, and children are the result of your relationship.
If your relationship comes to naught, then the children will be raised incorrectly (many psychological problems are formed in the behavior of the child, as well as in the idea and understanding of what relationships, family, love, etc. are). Divorce - in any case, will be the reason for changing the idea of love, but cohabitation in suffering, both husband and wife, will lead to even more serious consequences (misunderstanding of the meaning of existence).
From the foregoing, we return to the fact that you need to calmly make a decision in a balanced state. What factors need to be taken into account in order to determine what to do if wife is cheating, let's figure it out.
If the husband found out that his wife cheated but don't know yet what to do circumstances can help, on the basis of which it is already possible to make an adequate decision.
At the end of the article there will be a test on the issues discussed in this article, where you, without thinking about the question for a long time “ If the wife is cheating on her husband, what to do?”, you can come to the final verdict.
Auxiliary materials:
In the meantime, let's take a closer look at each of the above circumstances.
How does the presence of legalized relationships affect the final irritation of a man? Everything is simple! If wife is cheating you are married or at the stage of preparation for marriage (that is, at the moment when you applied and are preparing for the wedding), there are plenty of reasons to be dissatisfied. The fact is that during this period you impose on yourself a list of certain obligations, in fact, like her. So in case of betrayal, obligations are violated and it cannot be forgotten overnight and forgiven.
In case when wife started cheating at the moment when you are not scheduled and have been living together for about 1-2 years, but have not made a marriage proposal, many psychoanalysts come up with the following verdict: this is not treason. Of course, our team does not approve of such conclusions. If wife another man appeared- it's always cheating. The thing is different - a man, during the period of cohabitation, did not impose responsibility and did not take a step towards creating a family. Again, situations are different, for example, you strive to quickly go up the career ladder in order to get married, have children and live without knowing troubles ... It is important to talk as often as possible about the prospects for the future so that the female psyche does not collapse and not started looking for relationships on the side.
If the betrayal of your wife did occur, but during the time you lived together you did not acquire property and you have no children, moreover, the marriage is not formalized, it is better to disperse.
It often happens that cheating civil wife on the contrary, it pushes for the creation of marriage - this happens because of a man's furious unwillingness to lose a woman forever. This is mistake! It is still impossible to justify betrayal, besides, this fact can begin to put pressure on the psyche in a few years, when the “hotness” of the relationship is exhausted.
Here the question is “How to behave, if the wife cheated?” will fall off by itself. The fact is that it is the age-related opportunities for creating a new family (initiating a new marriage) that can play a huge role. To begin with, consider the age possibilities of a woman.
If a woman's age borders on the number 40 or more, then by divorcing her, you will leave her only hope for the future. The fact is that many women over the age of 35 suffer menopause (the dying of childbearing function), moreover, if her appearance is not used with great envy by fans, she may even be left alone and regret her misconduct for the rest of her life.
If a woman is under 35 years old, but you do not have common children, then the probability of creating a new marriage is quite high - about 65%, but she will at least be able to find a spouse who does not bother with anything, in particular, and for that she can change him too. This type of man does not succeed in anything, therefore, she will seek her happiness for a long time, which will be an occasion for you to chuckle a little. 😉
Even wife keeps cheating, a man will ultimately win when he gets over the shock, let's find out why.
In the case when a man reaches the age of 35, he comes to a peak, when his appearance becomes irreversible, becomes attractive to most women, which means that it will not be difficult to start a new family. For the majority who do not take large quantities of alcoholic beverages, the appearance of a 35-year-old remains unchanged until the age of 45.
As for 45+, then there is no problem creating a new family. It just so happens that if self-sufficiency is added to these years, then you can find yourself a bride close in appearance to a model (in Moscow this is considered a priority).
And here we will analyze women first of all, since in their situation it is much more difficult to find a future husband if there is at least a couple behind their backs. Even wife accidentally cheated Again, this is no excuse.
If a woman had one official marriage and any other number of unofficial ones, others will perceive her as a victim, even if she is to blame for its destruction (example:). The fact is that other cohabitations are also counted, but a woman can keep silent about these marriages, which will be a further shock for her husband if he finds out about them, because the picture completely changes and a woman turns from a victim into *****, according to opinion of the correct representatives of the male population. Hence the conclusion: the betrayal of women does not lead to anything good.
As for you. If you have already registered this marriage for the second or third time, then the matter is already in you. The fact is that most men either cannot find a normal woman, or do not know how to normally be in family relationships. This suggests that the desire to be alone is much higher than to bear the answer in family life.
If your marriage is not registered, but you are not living with a woman for the first time, but 3-4-5th, and all civil marriages do not differ much in duration (a year, two, three), then it would be more expedient to break up quickly and make the right conclusions, and then marry the next one, otherwise you risk repeating these mistakes, taking away precious time from women and yourself.
In this case, it is easy to find the reason: wife started cheating, because she does not consider you her husband, because during the time that you live, no marriage proposal has been received, exactly like proposals to disperse.
When looking for a solution to the “?” question, a lot of attention is also paid to which of you first proposed living together and eventually forming a family.
If it was you, then your wife failed to appreciate your act, did not consider decisiveness, masculinity and independence, did not have time to perceive you as a man. Of course, if you are determined, then you still have many opportunities to create a new family, where the new wife will love you more and will definitely appreciate your deed.
If the decision was made by the wife, in fact, she motivated you to live together, as well as to create a family, then you should think about it. The fact is that not all men are decisive, independent, in a word, authorities. If you think sensibly, then albeit under the influence of a woman, but still there is at least some movement forward. As for divorce, such men will slowly start a new family, if at all. Moreover, there is a risk of finding a woman with whom life will seem so unbearable that the previous marriage will seem like paradise.
It is important to delve into the past and understand how well you and your spouse behaved before committing adultery. Perhaps, even until today, you have made some conclusions in your head that posed the question point-blank: “Do I need such a wife? Maybe she doesn't love me anymore? Why is she flattering her ego? Where is the same thing that was a couple of years ago?”…
In this case, there comes a certain calmness due to the fact that the wife will finally leave your life soon.
As for your behavior, it may not be so simple here. The point is that the question My wife has changed, what should I do?”, psychologist or the psychoanalyst will ask a counter question about your attitude towards your wife. (cm.)
If none of the items from the list below apply to you in any way, you can decide to leave, because it turns out, changed beloved wife, which was cherished and cherished, she, in turn, did not notice her ideal spouse next to her. So the argument list is:
If a woman did not appreciate the absence of the above shameful facts, another will do it with great pleasure, rest assured.
If you realized that you yourself pushed your wife away with your behavior, then it is better, after parting, to draw the right conclusions and not to repeat such mistakes in your next marriage. It is also necessary to consider an example with a case when a wife can accuse you of treason:
It has already been said about children, in practice, most men make a decision in favor of children (raise, being in the family until they come of age), again, if age is added to this factor (if, according to calculations, the man will not be more than 40 years old) .
As for the jointly acquired property (+ children), the divorce can be long and rather eccentric. As a result, you can stay, as it was said in the fairy tale “At a broken trough”, which will not add points to you when divorcing a cheating wife.
As a rule, this aspect is considered by men in the second place after considering the issue of children. But! No one can answer the question better than you, “If wife cheating what to do?”, advice won't help either. You need to give an objective assessment to the woman and pay attention to the following fact. Attitude towards common children (upbringing, development, feeding, dressing, games, moral education ...). If a woman does not fulfill her obligations as a mother, it is more expedient to relieve this burden from her shoulders and leave the children with her during a divorce.
As for manifesting yourself as a loving wife, then attention is drawn to the list of items:
If the above points make it clear that a woman behaves like an ideal wife, maybe there was no betrayal? Here you need to think and check everything again. In the end, make sure that she is also comfortable in your marriage, and continue reading the article for the purpose of idle curiosity.
If you realized that the wife was never able to prove herself as a mother and wife (often screams for no reason at the children, breaks down at you, there is a “mess” at home, the children are always hungry, communication has disappeared between you, etc.), then nothing to cling to.
In the case when the wife herself told, moreover, immediately (for example, drunk wife cheated with someone business trip or the wife cheated at work under pressure from superiors, or forcibly ...) (see), in 80% of cases a man decides to save the marriage (after he calms down), because he observes a vivid regret and honesty of a woman.
When our team analyzed this aspect, we disagreed, but came to the conclusion: If the betrayal was without obvious intent, but was honestly submitted to the male court, besides, this case was the only one, you should not push the woman away.
Another thing is if the fact of treason was with or without intent, but hidden. If a man learned about the betrayal from third parties or was able to identify it on his own, in addition, the fact of betrayal is proven, there is nothing left but to expel the woman from the family and read the article:
If wife is cheating, psychologist's advice won't help at all. We can only tell you what to rely on when making a decision, and so, the circumstances of betrayal are also important. It is necessary to rely on the following circumstances:
If the whole set of circumstances is your case, well, or at least one of them fits your situation, it is better to file for divorce.
If wife cheated with her lover and sincerely regrets this, repents, at the same time, is ready to accept the most severe punishments and break with him in front of you. Moreover, if the wife talks about all the adventures openly, without hiding any information, asking for forgiveness and saving the marriage (family), you can think about it. The fact is that many men fall for this bait, but not all women are ready to change at once. In this case, it is better to think over and analyze the situation, because a lie is always sweet. Another thing is if the woman repented and no longer repeats the mistake. Here you think, but in 60% of cases marriages are saved.
If the spouse does not give in and denies treason, impudently lies, at the same time, no signs of repentance are found, the whole truth is not told, moreover, she begins to turn the arrows towards her husband, there is no point in continuing cohabitation.
A further perspective of the relationship should also be considered after the wife has repented of her deed or has not repented. A certain period is given to take stock, if the spouse does not stand up - your move! If a woman repents, but then behaves as if she got off lightly, this event may be repeated, which will bring an even more painful wound (see). If the spouse did not repent, but during the allotted period nevertheless found the courage to confess and repent of everything, see the first paragraph of this aspect.
For the most part, in the future, it is necessary to rely on revealing despicable and arrogant behavior on her part.
It is not rare that, even if good wife cheated I want to leave, but I can't. It all depends on the status and possessions. If it so happened that your status is lower than the status of your wife (concerning the position and salary), and you also live in her own apartment - in fact, you have nothing, then it is more expedient to forgive her betrayal. Of course, you can build a clear plan to become the owner of a separate home, start earning many times more and after years, leaving, remind her of her sin. This case will hit her harder than you just leave the family.
As for the cases when the husband earns more, the apartment is owned by him, etc., then by putting it “on the street”, you will feel more euphoria and calmness (if you get depressed, read :) than resentment and disappointment. As a rule, representatives of the female population do not find such people and continue to toss and turn in life as best they can. What can I say, this is a well-deserved award.
In our practice, one and the same fact is constantly observed - the man who asked the question discussed today is guided by the length of marriage. But! As it turns out, this does not affect the decision to divorce or forgiveness in any way. The point is different - respect for the man in marriage, maintaining his authority and the perception of the relationship of each side. For example, if wife cheated and behaves badly in the family, constantly contradicts her husband, scolds or beats children, moreover, absolutely without any significant reason, but her husband still loves, the marriage will continue and the betrayal will be forgiven. Yes, this somewhat humiliates the pride of a man, but such facts are not uncommon.
Let's look from the other side. If a man behaved inappropriately towards his wife and children, tunyad, drank, walked, thereby pushing away relatives, the marriage will cease to exist in any case. Another example, let's say the husband loses everything in a divorce, so he decided to save the marriage and forgive his wife (see), but his behavior and attitude towards her and the children will be “bestial”, this fact will again lead to a divorce.
And do not say that the poor, how hard it is for her to lie (!!!). Not hard. Not so long ago, my husband and I discussed his employee at work, who, secretly from her official boyfriend, still runs on dates with anyone and flirts right and left. Lying with ease and readiness. And it’s not a bit hard for her, she manages without Dostoevism. I think that 90 percent of the cases do without Dostoevism.
In my opinion, such acts should be punished. This, of course, does not mean that a knife should be stuck to the throat. But the relationship needs to be sorted out. And don't let her keep cheating. Will not appreciate. Nobody appreciates this. He will also regret, "Oh, what a fool he is."
I would say to my face that these are the facts I have, so and so. It torments me. I believe that if this is true, we should discuss our relationship. If that's not true, I need an explanation.
All this should look without hysterics and seriously. Let her look into her eyes when she lies. Maybe then the brains at least a little clean for the future. 03/31/2002 11:30:20 AM, Masyanya
Hi to your co-worker. But I have a different story. The wife lives with her husband for 5 years, the child is 3 years old. He is her first. There was never any romance. She doesn't even really know what love is. She lived with him and raised her daughter. There was almost no sex, ie. was, but "once a month quickly discharged and sleep." By chance, she meets a young man with whom it is pleasant to chat, you can laugh, pour out your soul and be understood. They walk through the night forest, drink champagne with pineapple slices, dance to the sound of the wind in time with the swaying trees. She is happy! to understand this, you just need to see those sparkling eyes. Sincerity and love. She had never had such a thing in her life, moreover, she could not even imagine that such a thing could be at all. But in the end, she tells him that she should return to the family and also ... "thank you." What happened next, I don't know.
I hope my husband doesn’t think it’s so unambiguous that cheating is a betrayal :(
You know, almost all of my serious relationships one way or another ended in betrayal, to one degree or another. I don't want to say that all women are... (no, you are not), or that I am unhappy, not at all, when I _not_ maintain a permanent relationship, I always have many women, there is always the opportunity to have a permanent relationship ... Just I got used to cheating when I found out about my last betrayal (not so long ago), I just smiled and thought "damn, you're in the same place" :) And that's it! That's all experiences. And discuss the relationship ... well, you can discuss it if it's so disturbing :) 31.03.2002 20:47:27, ZereK
I understand that after infidelity, to one degree or another, all relations with a woman still ended? Or not? I don't quite understand the conclusion of the story.
And here it is ... to be understood, to eat pineapples in champagne, to read Blok ... It's fun, of course ... but childhood is terrible. :)) Well, from the story it is clear that the woman was inexperienced. And now she has become experienced, and will periodically make herself lovers for a better understanding of her complex mental organization, and her husband will be "keep and fed" as an earner of material wealth, without which the existence of such a subtle nature will simply be put in jeopardy :)) 04/01/2002 07:35:06 AM, Masyanya
Childhood?!! This is life! The most wonderful and happy! It's good that I still have it and let it always be! All the same (who needs it)! 04/02/2002 02:56:29 PM, Katenka L.
What conclusions can there be, there is only one conclusion: treason is different :)
You understand, I also have a negative attitude towards this phenomenon, but life ... life ... Through breaks, divorces and simple communication with people, one has to accept the unacceptable at first. And, of course, you need to look for the reason, but from the beginning - in yourself. 04/01/2002 02:33:37 PM, ZereK
The article will tell men how to detect signs of female infidelity and accurately determine the wife's infidelity.
It is equally unpleasant for both women and men to be in the role of a deceived spouse. However, if they are actively discussed, and wives do not hesitate to share the details of love affairs "on the side" of their unfaithful "halves", then deceived men often try to hide the real situation in the family from prying eyes to the last.
If a man doubts the fidelity of his wife, he will have to watch her for some time, and only after that draw conclusions.
The most indisputable and irrefutable evidence of a wife's infidelity can be straight Talk in which she herself confesses what happened. After such a recognition, you no longer have to look for some hidden signs and suffer from conjectures.
However, according to statistics, less than 2% of wives who at least once had sex “on the side” admitted this to their spouse.
IMPORTANT: A man who suspects his wife of infidelity needs to be patient and in no case blame her spouse for anything and not try to figure out the relationship ahead of time.
A sharp change in the wife's mood, both for the better and for the worse, should alert. And if, in addition, the spouse began to actively update the wardrobe and experiment with her appearance, carefully read the article below.
Periodic “jumps” of mood can happen even to the most faithful wives. Also, a sudden desire to change her appearance can occur in a woman who does not even think about treason.
What is the very first sign that will tell the husband that family happiness is in jeopardy?
First of all, in such a familiar and dear woman a mystery emerges. A look, a smile, words or deeds will sooner or later betray her. And she will be far away. Thoughts about another man will come first, so her dreamy expression and deep thought are also some of the signs of infidelity.
It is possible to understand that the spouse is unfaithful by the changed behavior. Often a woman, starting a romantic relationship "on the side", quickly loses interest in what is happening in her own family, from household chores and hobbies to sex with her husband.
All thoughts of the lady are occupied by the new man. They are distracted by the need to cook food, maintain order in the house, and deal with children. All this begins to noticeably annoy, the woman tries to avoid doing the usual household chores, avoiding the company of household members, preferring to retire with her phone or tablet.
However, some family ladies, subconsciously trying to make amends and hide the fact of infidelity, begin to behave unnaturally friendly and caring. This is the second common extreme behavior of women who have broken their promise to be faithful spouses.
IMPORTANT: Any obvious change in the wife's behavior may be the "first call". But that doesn't mean the betrayal has already happened. Perhaps, tired of everyday life and a more uninteresting spouse, the woman only decided to add bright colors to her own life.
An unexpected change in the appearance and behavior of a wife is far from all that can hint to her husband about her infidelity. There are many other signs, and here are the most obvious ones:
One of the signs of female infidelity is indifference to her husband. Sexual sign of female infidelity can be considered the wife's attempts in all ways avoid sex. She either falls asleep before her husband, or finds herself “urgent” chores around the house and finishes them when her husband is already asleep. This can go on for quite some time, and when the deceived husband still manages to get sex from his legal wife, surprises can await him in bed:
One of the signs of female infidelity is unwillingness to have sex with her husband. The female body can also tell about infidelity. Evidence of infidelity can be:
Bruises of unknown origin on the body of a woman - one of the signs of infidelity Those who are looking for a way to recognize the betrayal of a wife by her underpants will be surprised a lot. Such a sign is not any marks left on the underwear during sex, but the underwear itself.
If buying a new set at least once a week has recently become a pattern, most likely a woman has sexual contact quite often with the one she wants to impress. If this lucky man is not a husband, then any other signs of infidelity become secondary.
Wife can get sexy underwear before a new betrayal Those men who are looking for a way to bring their wife "to clean water" actually need to start from a completely different side, namely, from themselves. While the missus is once again "delayed at work", it is worth considering why everything happened this way.
Maybe the accomplished female betrayal was preceded by her requests to be heard, loved and desired? After all, it is often the husbands who push women into the arms of other people's men.
In many cases, female infidelity occurs already at the moment when the husband turns away in difficult times, instead of turning his shoulder. A woman needs male attention, and if she does not receive it in the family, she will definitely get it on the side.
Perhaps now is the time to “gather the stones”? And if this is true, it would be right not to look for signs of a wife's infidelity, but to have a frank conversation with his wife, who, perhaps, can still save the family.
