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Many of us are used to the fact that men cheat more than women, although anecdotal evidence shows that a wife can cheat on her spouse. Therefore, often on the Internet there are such topics: I cheated on my husband, he found out and did not forgive. What to do in such a situation? The advice of a psychologist will help solve the problem.

My husband has not forgiven me for cheating

Before you start to understand the situation and look for recommendations on what to do when the wife cheated on her spouse, it is worth considering whether it is necessary to take any steps? After all, no one is sinless, and constant pangs of conscience and self-flagellation are unlikely to lead to something good.

Reasons for female infidelity

If you look at the problem of female infidelity from a psychological point of view, then it is as natural as the betrayal of the strong half of humanity. Of course, such a step should not be justified, but in order to find the optimal solution to the issue, it is worth looking into the root cause of female infidelity.

So, the following factors can cause infidelity on the part of a lady:

• Lack of sufficient attention from the spouse. Of course, gradually the hot and captivating passion will subside, so falling in love and relationships become something ordinary and familiar. A man often does not notice changes in his wife's appearance, and this can offend her, pushing her to seek solace on the side;
• Intimate relationships in married life are also important, and if the latter are of a monotonous, even insipid color, women, like men, are looking for sensual pleasure on the side.

40% of women cheat for revenge

Often, very impulsive individuals commit adultery in order to simply take revenge on their spouse for the same trip to the left. Although, as psychologists note, one should not exclude the possibility that a woman simply fell in love with another man - fortunately or unfortunately, this also happens.

Psychology of men

Every man considers himself a polygamous person, and therefore multiple trips to the side for him is a common and familiar phenomenon. But they are used to keeping their wives in a fist, so they look at the betrayal of the second half from the other side.

What to do in this case? In such circumstances, even the advice of an experienced psychologist will not always help resolve the situation and give unambiguous, and most importantly, correct advice.

Watch the video. Five reasons for female infidelity.

It so happened that men are very vulnerable, it is hard for them to forgive even a small deceit, and even more so - treason. The wife may well turn the campaigns to the left of her faithful against him, starting to manipulate him using a sin.

But a man in this case is more likely to throw a grandiose scandal or simply lock himself inside his shell.

It is unlikely that it will be possible to return the relationship to its previous course, therefore it is worth thinking a hundred times before deciding to cheat.

From time immemorial, it has been customary that representatives of the strong half of humanity do not tolerate and do not forgive the betrayal of their partner, even if they themselves have several women at the same time - all of them should belong only to them and be faithful to them.

In this case, a man should think carefully, because the unsightly behavior of the chosen one can be provoked precisely by the attitude of the spouse, who shows inattention, and sometimes obvious neglect.

Do not rush to make a final and irrevocable decision, and most importantly - do not chop hot. At the beginning, put your thoughts in order and start thinking about how to save your own family, and not destroy the family hearth.

Heed the following tips:

• Do not delve into your past and the past of your husband, looking for the culprit, do not try to shift all the blame on your soulmate;
• If you have repented of what you have done, try to ask for forgiveness from your spouse. But do not overdramatize and do not wind up the situation;
• It is important to take into account the fact that a beloved man is experiencing stronger and more difficult emotions due to his wife's betrayal than the woman herself, and therefore it is worth being extremely careful and careful;
• Do not try to take a defensive position, especially do not try to deny the fact of your own betrayal. But it’s also not worth showing excessive courtesy or throwing demonstrative tantrums.

And finally: think carefully about how dear your spouse is to you, and whether it is worth fighting to save the family in the ways you love.

How to get rid of guilt

If betrayal has taken place, there is nothing to be done, and therefore it is important to stop feeling guilty about it. You were able to calmly build a dialogue with your spouse, admit your betrayal and promised - this was the last time. Great, what's next?

Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and sins, learn from them and remember that no one in the world is perfect and it is impossible to live a long life without making a mistake.

Always take care of yourself and do not go into depression - even greater beauty and perfection will make you more attractive and desirable. Make it a habit to visit the gym or swimming pool, beauty salon and hairdresser - if you set yourself the goal of returning your spouse, then you need to look like a queen.

Try to build a relationship with your spouse on the principles of mutual respect and harmony, trust and love. You should not let even the smallest lie into the family, and if a problem does arise, sit down at the negotiating table and discuss it. Talk about your own feelings for your husband more often, and soon he will simply forget about your mistake.

Husband does not forgive betrayal, what to do

But what is the best thing to do if a woman cheated on her husband and he found out about it, but at the same time she does not intend to lose him? This situation is especially relevant for many wives.

The most reasonable solution would be a calm conversation with her husband, but only after the passion and ardor have subsided somewhat.

It is worth considering how much you yourself value your husband and are ready to save the family, since you can break it up in a minute, and then it will be very difficult to collect the destroyed feelings. Yes, and a man needs to understand whether he is ready to forgive - give him time to think.

Talk

Many men are very categorical in the matter of relationships, and if the spouse lives with him, she should be only his, and no one else. It will be very difficult to regain the husband's trust, to restore the relationship that was before the betrayal, but this is quite real.

80% of women regret what they did

It is not easy for a woman to bear the role of a traitor - this is the understanding that the family hearth is broken, constant remorse and guilt. And this is not all the negative consequences of momentary weakness and carnal pleasures.

Analyze what prompted you to cheat - is it the lack of attention and care from your husband or your own frivolity? Whatever the reason, it is considered a betrayal, and here it is important to evaluate and understand how to behave further.

Calmly talk to your spouse about what happened, although you should be prepared for the fact that he will not immediately agree to such negotiations. Do not put pressure on him - a man needs time to rethink all this.

During a conversation with your spouse, you should not blame someone for what happened or make excuses. To receive forgiveness, it is important to accept, voice and understand your own guilt. It is important to be as honest as possible with yourself and your husband.

If there is no love in the family, maybe you should not try to save the marriage? But when betrayal was more like a momentary weakness, and you love your spouse, become an exemplary wife.

Actions

Every word spoken must be backed up by action, and if you say that your husband is the only man for you, then you should end the relationship with your lover. Subsequent betrayals are unacceptable if you intend to save your own family, strong relationships and mutual understanding.

Attention

Giving maximum attention to your own spouse is a great way to show how much you love him and how good you are with him.

Make small pleasant surprises for your husband, so the trust will return faster. Repeated proof by the wife of the fact that her husband is the one and only, will soon restore a cracked relationship.

Watch the video. Can cheating be forgiven?

the freedom of action

Men differently perceive the fact of female infidelity. If the spouse needs to retire - let him, if he wants to burn common photos - well, let them burn with a blue flame.

Someone expresses a desire to know everything - where and in what position you cheated, for how long and when, and if you can’t get away, it’s worth telling everything. The main thing is without sketches, emotions and complacency - only dry facts.

If the spouse needs to be alone and think about everything, pack your things and go to the country, to friends, parents, or just leave the house for a while without stopping the husband from thinking about the situation.

Patience

Do not force things and return to the previous position - what you are used to - morning sex or an evening kiss before going to bed, will fade into the background for a while.

And even if the husband said that he forgave you, an unpleasant aftertaste remained in the soul, and it takes time to digest it. Just understand that with the proper attention and approach, this sediment will be covered by brighter and more positive emotions.

And then you will definitely be surprised how often the absence of such trifles as morning coffee from a husband or a kind word can return to common sense and delicately remind you of what you could lose because of a moment of passion. But for now, we will have to endure and survive the Cold War period.

If the spouse is caught with a lover

If the betrayal happened in front of your spouse, and he simply found you in the marital bed with your lover, it will be very difficult to correct this situation.

Returning her husband will not be easy, rather, even impossible - after all, everything happened before his eyes, and this is incomparable with other people's words or one's own guesses.

Here you will have to retrain as a subtle and delicate psychologist, understand how to behave and smooth out sharp corners.

At the very beginning, it is important to prevent momentary bloodshed, since a jealous spouse in a fit of anger can kill both lovers. In this situation, you will have to call the police, otherwise the victims and blood cannot be avoided.

There are husbands who just leave after catching their spouse with their lover. In such a situation, a person should be given time to think and just to calm down, put his thoughts and emotions in order.

Only then can you decide what to do next. Do not try to look for your husband and ask him for forgiveness every minute, but talk to him a few days later, when negative emotions subside.

It is important to understand in this case that it is not easy to forgive a cheater, and therefore, if you started a conversation with your husband, it is important to make serious arguments. Otherwise, you will not be able to return it.

And if a man doesn’t want to hear from you and files for divorce, just put up with it. He could not forgive the betrayal, and it would not be possible to convince him, even with the most weighty arguments.

If you want to return to your husband, it is he who must take the first step towards meeting you, otherwise the married life will not work out. Scandals and quarrels, constant reproaches and reproaches, reminders of betrayal - that's what you get, and if your husband intends to leave, maybe you should not keep him?

Forum

There are many women's forums on the Internet dedicated to this topic.

Opinions of the fair sex on the issue of female infidelity vary:

• I have never understood and will not understand such ladies who cheat on their spouses right and left. Maybe they shouldn't get married at all? Then you can meet with whoever you want, and whenever you want - no clarification of relationships and betrayals;
• My husband did not forgive me - they got divorced, but I can’t say that I regret it. What should have happened, happened. Of course, she wanted to stay with her husband, even asked for forgiveness. But some can forgive, others can’t, and it all depends on the person himself, and it’s impossible to forget about betrayal;
• Why do women rush about these betrayals - if both do not love each other or only one spouse has feelings, then the family will still fall apart, regardless of betrayal. If the spouses love, but the situation has developed in such a way that a small sin has been led to the wife - there is nothing wrong with that, simple physiology worked here;
• One-time treason is stupidity and that's it. You should not think that having tried to go left once, a woman will slide down an inclined path, constantly sinning. If she was frivolous from her youth, she will do it all her life, and when a woman did not go for a walk further, then there is simply nothing to think about.

Watch the video. Cheated on her husband - what to do?

Consequences of female infidelity

Whatever the reasons lie in the decision of a woman to change, the consequences of such an act are sad. What does the woman herself experience after this?

First of all, a feeling of guilt will fall on her shoulders with an exorbitant burden - she will become a lawyer and judge for herself, bringing her inner “I” to a nervous breakdown. And here only a husband or an experienced psychologist can help her.

The conversation with my husband lasted 3 hours and 36 minutes after I confessed to him in connection with another man. Unlike most, I didn’t have any “good” reason for this (although are there any such reasons? Probably not). I wasn't bored, I didn't feel unloved, I wasn't unhappy.

My inability to explain the reasons for the action turned the conversation into a long and meaningless process, during which Nick tried to understand why this happened. He looked for a rational explanation and did not find it. It took almost 4 hours to figure out: I just can't provide a clear answer to the question.

I lost confidence and walked around my husband on tiptoe

We spent a week apart. Nick lived with his brother. Then they got back together and decided to leave everything behind, start a new life. And a year after the confession, I sat down in the same living room and wrote a letter. In it, I talked about everything that has changed in marriage because of my infidelity.

1. The sex was terrible. The first time during intimacy, Nick was aloof. I was not surprised - I assumed that it would take time for everything to return to normal. But even when the norm returned to life, terrible sex still visited the bedroom. These may have been bad days, but since the root cause of the bad sex was cheating, I blamed myself every time.

2. I felt obligated to work on the relationship. The infidelity and subsequent confession made me feel like I had to give 200% to justify my wrongdoing.

3. I began to doubt everything, endlessly analyzed everything. When Nick forgave me, I wondered why he did it. When he upset me with something, I thought: “What right do I have to be angry with him after what I did?” I lost confidence in myself and found myself tiptoeing around my husband. And it forced him to take responsibility for all relationship decisions.

4. I constantly wondered if he remembers my betrayal. I used to love the silence that comes with stable, trusting relationships, when you don't have to fill any gap with conversation, when it's easy for you to be silent together. But she began to oppress me - I constantly remembered what I had done. And if I myself have thought about it so often, then, probably, Nick too?

5. I doubted that my husband completely forgave me. I often tried to mentally imagine the situation in reverse. Could I forgive him? Would it be easy for me to do this? It would most likely be very difficult or impossible. Could he forgive me 100%?

6. I felt like I didn't deserve a husband.. As far as I know, he never cheated on me. It made me feel unworthy of the relationship, like I was worse than my husband.

7. Family life was divided into "before" and "after". And when the cause of this division is you, then it is a heavy burden. In the end, we got divorced. Although cheating was not the main reason, it is impossible to say exactly how big a role it played in the breakup.

8. I started to wonder if we should even be together. It's a very strange feeling when you start asking yourself if it was worth ending your family life. I never thought I'd get to this point. But nevertheless, my life has come to this. Marriage is a partnership of two people, but infidelity was my separate, personal choice, because of which I began to feel lonely in my relationship with my husband.

For the year, family life has changed far from for the better. There were many questions, doubts and worries. I still can't explain why I decided to cheat. But I am sure: nothing good came of it and could not come out. And I will never do that again.

There are many jokes about infidelity: a husband comes home, finds a naked man in the closet or under the bed, he blatantly lies and introduces himself as anyone but his wife's lover. As a rule, in real life, the participants in a love triangle are not at all laughing. It is especially pitiful for the spouse in this situation: he feels humiliated and insulted, the cheating wife set her horns right in front of her nose. What to do in such a situation?

How not to break firewood to her husband after the betrayal of his wife in front of his eyes?

When husband caught his wife with her lover, he can only sympathize. In confusion, the spouse rushes from one extreme to another. In order not to do stupid things, pay attention to the following points:

1. Any normal man whosethe wife was caught cheating, she will want to physically deal with the participants in the sex scene. In some Eastern countries, stoning women to death as a punishment for adultery is still practiced. Sounds scary. When a husband catches his wife with a lover, self-control is the last thing that comes to his mind. In order not to become like a primitive feeling, you need to control yourself. If you use force against a lover, then this will be a criminal article. Be prudent.
2. If you can’t control yourself, it’s better to leave for a while. When you first found out that your wife is cheating, the decision to break up the relationship suggests itself. In order not to regret, give yourself a couple of days to think about the situation. Maybe you still decide to forgive your spouse?
3. When a wife slept on treason, it's unpleasant. But do not immediately rush to take revenge and look for a girlfriend for the evening. Don't repeat what your wife did. Be taller and more generous. By changing yourself, you will not be clear in front of your conscience.

When the storm subsided a little, the question arises: what to do after I caught my wife cheating? Here is a rough list of actions:

1. Talk frankly with your wife about what happened. Find out what influenced her reckless act. Maybe you offended her with something, and the wife decided to hurt you with treason right in front of her nose. This will not be an excuse, but at least an excuse to mitigate the punishment.
2. Better take your time. Let each of the spouses be alone with himself without hasty clarification of the relationship. Alone, decide how strong your feelings are for a wife who has been caught cheating. True love will help to forgive any offense.
3. Follow the further behavior of the spouse: does she repent of her deed? All people make mistakes and learn from their mistakes.
4. Have you mentally forgiven your spouse? Let her know that this behavior should not be repeated in the future. Threaten with divorce, teach her a lesson. Don't let your wife sit on your neck.
5. If you decide to file for divorce, try to leave peacefully. You don't have to hide evil. Suddenly, fate has prepared a gift for you after an unpleasant ordeal? Don't waste your life energy on negativity.

How to explain the situation to your husband if he caught with his lover?

Often on the Internet you can see the prayers of women: “I cheated on my husband, and he found out, help me, what to do?”. If everything is done with high quality, taking into account all the possible nuances, the husband has practically no chance of finding his wife with her lover. It is possible that the spouse is tired of the constant hassle about the created love triangle. And deliberately takes risks, meeting, for example, with a gentleman at home, knowing that her husband will come soon. By such behavior, she subconsciously wants her husband to know everything, and there would be no need to hide. Or another option: a woman wants to break up with her lawful husband and provoke him to decide on a divorce. “My husband found out about my betrayal and left me” - with a touch of pride, you can then tell your girlfriends if your husband categorically refused to divorce before.

The psychology of the question is very individual. I would like to note that if you decide to cheat on the territory where the husband can burn his wife, then you must clearly come up with options for retreat and justification for your act. But when a husband suddenly caught his wife cheating, you still have to answer, regardless of the reason for your adultery. Here are some tips on how to get started:

1. First of all, don't argue with your spouse. Let him express everything he thinks about you and your lover. Do not provoke him to assault with your counterattacks. It’s better to indicate that you don’t want to discuss the embarrassment that happened now due to extreme stress.
2. When the husband's steam comes out, drive the lover out of harm's way. Contemplating you and someone else's man together clearly will not set your spouse up for a constructive conversation.
3. If the nature of the spouse is explosive, and his reaction is unpredictable, it is better to slowly collect the necessary things and move in with your mother or girlfriend for a while. Time will cool down the husband who found out about the lover.

So, actions to smooth out the sharp peak of the conflict have been carried out. The next step is to decide whether you want to stay legally married or decide to break up with your spouse.

Option 1. Keeping the family

After such a misconduct, it is difficult to find mutual understanding with her husband. But who, if not you, should know the weaknesses of the spouse? If he is greedy for compliments - say them without stopping, flatter and praise every step. Does your husband love cars or fishing? Gift something suitable for his hobby and become an expert in this field. Naturally, talk about feelings for your spouse that you love him more than life, and an impudent lover is just a terrible mistake, a test of fate that you failed miserably.

You need to forget about the gentleman forever and rudely cut off contact with him, not giving hope for the continuation of the holiday. If at least one tiny thread remains that binds you, the husband may find out and never forgive. You need to earn trust again, and this is not easy to do.

Show your spouse that you are the best, despite the betrayal. Bring comfort to the house and cook constantly signature dishes. You won't find a good housewife in the daytime with fire.

Option 2. Divorce

It also happens that after a woman is caught with her lover, she finally decides to break off relations with her disgusted husband. With this arrangement, everything is simplified.

Don't make excuses. Just talk frankly with your husband: express the reasons for your betrayal. Maybe the husband did not pay attention to you, and the feelings passed. And so you weren't afraid to be caught off guard with another man. Try to speak respectfully, be grateful for the years you have lived together. Discuss the issues of raising children, if you managed to acquire them. It is better to resolve everything peacefully and calmly without mutual reproaches and insults.

So that situations when a husband catches his wife cheating do not happen, be attentive to each other. Respect and love are the main components of a harmonious and happy relationship.

I want to die. I am deeply depressed due to my divorce. My husband and I have been together for 7 years. They loved each other very much, lived in perfect harmony, almost never quarreled. Everyone was sure that our union would last forever. He was the main "earner" in our family. We lived in Moscow, he rented an apartment for us, earned many times more than I did. Didn't need anything thanks to him. After 7 years of marriage and cloudless happiness, everything collapsed. On January 1, 2011, I lost my wedding ring. On the same day, we went to another city by car and had an accident - turned over on the highway. Both survived, but since then things have gone awry. They began to drift away from each other. No, do not quarrel - it's just that everyone seems to have begun to live his own separate life. I fell in love with another. And she cheated on her husband. He found out. And kicked me out of the house. I was very repentant, crawling on my knees in front of him, shedding bitter tears, asking me to forgive this mistake and not to do this, but he was adamant. He insisted that I had betrayed him. She plunged a knife into her back. This is how our whole world, which I lived and breathed, collapsed in six months. I had no means of living in Moscow without him. I quit my job and was forced to leave Moscow for a remote provincial town, to my parents, where I had not lived since I left school (that is, for 10 years now). My husband filed for divorce and we were divorced through the courts. I continue to write to him every day, begging him to forgive and take me home, but he does not want to hear anything more about me. Puts an end and renounces me. Can't forgive. I understand that this is it, the end, but I can not survive it. I lie down and don't get up unless I'm strongly stirred up. Don't eat unless forced to. Not out of spite, but simply because I do not want anything. NOTHING. I want to die, I curse myself for that act of mine, for treason and betrayal. I don't deserve to live in this world anymore. Pain, despair..? No, it's getting worse. flour. Unbearable mental anguish. I can't see anything but my tears. I don't look like myself, there is no trace of the former me. I seem to have died, but for some reason I continue to live. And it's been like that for six months. I have terrible dreams. And thoughts of suicide do not leave. My life is over. Remained in Moscow. It was like I was ripped apart. In my head there are constantly pictures of our comfortable apartment with him, our life, his words, his hands, the lights of Moscow, my favorite work, the noise of Moscow roads, the hum of the metro, but in reality - a cold city, lack of normal work and prospects ... I seem to prison: there is only a roof over your head and old parents who are still alive and do not let you die of hunger. Grief and ringing silence - that's now my whole world. I want to die... I dream of death...
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Anastasia, age: 27/11/02/2012

Responses:

Dear Anastasia, in the life of every person there are actions that he regrets or is ashamed of. You made a mistake, but life doesn't end there. Once you lost love through your own fault, you found out what pain and shame such an act brings, so there is already a guarantee that you will not do this in the future, and in the next relationship (and believe me, you will) you will be more attentive to your loved one. Suicide will bring grief in the first place to parents who love and support you. Live for them, for these wonderful people. And drive away gloomy thoughts, they take away spiritual strength. And for you now the main thing is to throw all these forces into self-determination and job search.
Good luck, love and patience!

Victoria, age: 23 / 11.02.2012

If you feel guilty, then find someone who is worse than you, help this person, it can be someone lonely, who doesn’t even have parents, someone who no one comes to, someone who is sick. You yourself have probably seen such people. So you can atone for your guilt and maybe after that everything will work out in your life.

Ek, age: 35 / 11.02.2012

Why did they change it? And how did you fall in love? Well, in my opinion, the algorithm is simple. You depended on it in everything, including emotionally. Can you do anything yourself? Nastya, everything is very simple. Cause and effect. It's time to start living independently from your husband, be able to earn something, be able to be useful, be able to do something, help someone. Not just work , but to really realize yourself, so that sparks fly from you in all directions. Why on earth did he earn more than you? Did you just give him love? Not enough. There is absolutely no reason to be depressed. It's just the end of your kind of loving dependency. That's it. Your deposit is exhausted. Start doing something yourself in general in life. Remember what you can, what you are strong in, what you are wealthy in and start living. And remember, as in "The Master and Margarita" - "Never ask anyone for anything - they will come and give themselves "(c). I adore this phrase. How vital it is. And indeed there is no need to ask for anything, if we ourselves have something, it will be added to us, and if not, it will be taken away and what It was including other people. Perhaps I misunderstand the situation, I ask you to forgive me. There is also a phrase - "You should not be afraid of punishment, but wish it with all your heart" (c). Now get up and sew at least bright, model dresses, ready-to-wear. Do you know how? Do something and realize yourself with all your might and to everyone's joy. Go to confession about treason, pray for the return of your husband. Everything will be fine.

maus, age: 99.5 / 02/11/2012

I understand you in some way. I also recently divorced my husband. It was only his fault. I packed my things and left. Then thinking that in a new life, but this life turned out to be even worse. Alone with a child with a mother who can’t stand me ... But, I met a man who fell in love with me and really, now I'm starting a new life ...
You Anastasia need to let go of thoughts about the past, and start building a new life. Find at least some kind of job. Make new friends. Yes, the pain in the soul will not go away completely, but it will decrease over time. May God give you patience and happiness!!

Albina, age: 23 / 11.02.2012

Hello dear Anastasia! I have no right and I do not want to judge you. I just understand how painful and hard it is for you now from the realization of your guilt. I don't know how to support you, but I just want to tell you - live, hold on, go with the flow and everything will change! I will pray that your husband will forgive you and you will find happiness. In any case... Whatever it was... Life is not over! If you believe, go to church, pray at the icon of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, tell (you can mentally) everything that is in your heart, ask for his intercession. May God give you the strength to get through this.

MargoSha , age: 20 / 11.02.2012

I don’t know if my thoughts and words will help you, but I’ll still write what I want to write after reading your situation. It seems to me that you have been completely seized by derpessia, which brings gloomy thoughts to you and you mistakenly think that these are your thoughts, although You yourself wrote that there was no trace left of the person you once were, therefore all your current thoughts can be questioned, do you agree with me at least a little ??? I think you will answer this question for yourself .You know, I do not in any way support you that you once cheated on your husband, tk. of course, this is wrong, it should not be so, and as a result, the situation that should have happened, i.e. divorce, occurred. any action has its result, and it would be strange if this result did not exist, this is not the main thing now, but the main thing is that your negative thoughts will also have a result, and I certainly don’t want it to be tragic, so I’m now I write. We all make mistakes in life, absolutely everything, there is not a single person who has not made a mistake at least once in his life, i.e. making mistakes in your life is normal, this is part of the essence of a person, and it was, is and will be, another story is that mistakes are completely different, some are small, which do not affect people's lives in a cardinal way, some are global, which turn life around 180 degrees, but at the same time it should be remembered that even if the error is global, no matter how strange it sounds, but this is normal, believe me, there are very, very many fatal mistakes in their lives. Therefore, the first thing You must understand that making mistakes in your life is common to all people, without exception! Secondly, do you consider yourself to blame for the fact that you now, as you said, live in the province ??? judging by your words, yes. I want to say that this is not so, yes, of course there is a share of your guilt, but not to the extent that you think. Imagine that your husband, for example, forgave you, then you would now live as before, therefore, you can say the situation in which you are now dependent t not only from you, but also from the actions of her husband, do you agree? You cannot influence the actions of your ex-husband, because. there are things in the world that do not depend on us and we cannot control them, and if something does not work out the way we want, this is not our fault at all, because we are not gods, we cannot control every process in nature , remove from yourself part of the guilt for which you cannot simply answer and you will immediately feel better. Thirdly, you made a mistake by cheating on your husband, but you did not become less worthy to be happy, a person tends to change over time, yesterday you made a mistake, today you realized it, yesterday life was one, today it is different and new, so maybe you should to forgive yourself for this mistake in life ??? especially since you have already paid dearly for it, don’t you think so? that you have completely atoned for your guilt by the fact that you lost ??? paid in full! Therefore, stop blaming yourself, now you you are not to blame for anything! You are clean, a new road of life opens before you, a completely different, new, unknown one, so maybe you should start building your new plans on it ??? And you can start, for example, remember what you were like before, return to yourself, to my own self! I'm sure that somewhere deep down you want happiness! I'm sure that you have an idea of ​​​​what it should be! It's great! You already have a plan in your head! So strive to fulfill it! Try !After all, you have nothing to lose, you have chi a blank sheet in front of you and a photograph in your head of happiness, I'm sure! Start drawing, just start, try it! Good luck !!!

Olga, age: 27/12.02.2012

Nastya!
Life is not one day. There will be a lot of them. And death will not give relief or peace.
You're having a hard time right now. Try to perceive your condition as a serious illness. It will take another two or three months or six months and you will feel better. Maybe not by much, but easier. A simple example: a person received numerous fractures of the arms and legs, and is now in a cast. In order not only to run, but just to walk, time must pass, a lot of time. Then learn to walk again, and even fused fractures will whine when the weather changes and from the load. Not all at once.
The feeling that a tank ran over you, and you are still alive due to a misunderstanding, is familiar. The scars will remain, but the wounds will heal. It only takes time.
You are only 27 years old, this is not old age, you will still have children. Nothing is over yet.
If you are a believer, go to the temple, you can’t walk, in your own words, ask for help as you can.
Peace, time and patience to you and your family.

Maxim, age: 37 / 02/12/2012

Dear Anastasia. Do not grieve over the past. One smart person said: do not cry that something has passed, but say thank you for what happened. What happened has already happened. a lot of things, think about old parents, they raised you, did they deserve it in old age! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, live on, open a new page in your life, turn over from scratch.

Galina, age: 38 / 12.02.2012

Suicide is a grave sin! This is unacceptable, and your life will get better! Find a good, loving person, have children, think the same way and
about your parents, they love you very much, they only live for you, it’s for their sake that you should try and enjoy life! Don't shut yourself up, go
take a walk, talk with someone from your acquaintances, girlfriends, relatives. Go to church, pray, God will not leave you in trouble!

Vadim, age: 55/02/12/2012

Nastya, what about old parents? Who will close their eyes when their time comes? Not a child's affectionate hand, but the hand of a stranger, a nurse? I saw the death of lonely old people in hospitals in the corridors, doctors and patients scurry past ... Vanity ... Have pity on parents, daughter. They gave birth to you, raised you with love. Why are they so?

Well, I would think about my beloved. Do you want to make him nasty with your death? Or? Live!

And get up, stop lying. Get up and help your mother around the house. Visit a doctor, they will help you with medication. Get ready for work. Get up slowly, honey! And to alleviate your suffering, go to the site and forum: http://www.perejit.ru/
God bless you, dear.

Elena, age: 55 / 02/12/2012

Anastasia, I'm sorry.. Sometimes fatal events happen in life that are beyond our control. When experiencing a major loss, we all go through similar feelings. At first we cannot believe what has happened. The usual reality is crumbling, we no longer play the role that we considered the main part of our personality. We feel confused and helpless, the world loses its value for us. Here it is very important to realize that the past cannot be returned, and let it go in peace. Until you fully accept what happened, you will not be able to move forward. You are lonely, and it seems that your personal end of the world has come. The only way out of this is to build a new world in which there will again be order, purpose, and meaning. And then - and a new love. You need to gain independence from the past way of life, make new contacts, find interesting work, that is, lay the foundation on which in time it will be possible to build a new life, new happiness. Give yourself the opportunity to surrender to feelings, but do not delay, and when you feel a little more strength in yourself, start pulling yourself out of the swamp and building a new world. A very difficult situation, but you are young and still find the strength to be happy.

Anya, age: 26 / 12.02.2012

Hello! Anastasia, you really feel bad, because everything that happened is a collapse. Man, when he comes into the world, is always helpless and defenseless. Just now you are helpless and defenseless. But this means one thing - life begins. New life. The old one was beautiful, but it is no more. You just need to come to terms with this. To forget what happened, as a child forgets, how warm and comfortable it was inside his mother.
It won’t work right away, and my first advice is: take yourself by the scruff of the neck to two places, I can’t through it. To a psychotherapist to prescribe antidepressants for you, or even put you under a dropper. And to the priest, to confession. Without that and that very hardly it will be easier.
And then - do everything to wake up not with the thought "how bad I am", but with the thought - "what needs to be done today." A woman should not be the head of the family, but if there is no other, she has to. Your parents feel bad - they suffer about your fate. Do everything so that they do not worry, so that they feel good and warm, so that they do not die in fear for your future fate. You can always find a job, not immediately expensive and prestigious, you can take two, you need real money in your hands to feed yourself and help your parents. If you die, of course, you will be pitied, and very much so, but it’s good for you. There will be life, there will be joy, and you are in the grave with your body and in hell with your soul. But if you don’t give up, everything will end one day - and the dull landscape outside the window, and helplessness, and longing. It will all come to an end, trust me! And the ex-husband, if he finds out that you live, and live well and correctly, at least he will respect you. You are very young, everything can still be ahead, on one condition - IF YOU LIVE.

Anna, age: 43 / 02/12/2012

Hey
People tend to err. You have to pay for mistakes, but you learn from them. The main thing is that you repent, and this pain will pass with time. God help!

Rusik, age: 22/12.02.2012

Please, don’t die! I don’t know how to help you... don’t die! think about what happened to you, because this is not just a test, you are told that you must move in a different direction. Grow. Someone needs a little for this, but you need it. There is something in you that requires this. Think! Please! There is a lot in each of us. You weren't just born that way. It means that those shortcomings that are in you, you should try to cope with them, and at the same time, even if you can’t, God still loves you even like that. It didn't work out, okay. He will never judge you because he is love. And not in human terms. Since he went to torment for us, since he did not condemn his tormentors, then he will forgive you with your shortcomings, and will not condemn you. Don't despair! And if you despair, just ask him for help. You were born not to suffer. Understand! Light to you, warmth!

Dmitry, age: 34 / 12.02.2012

The most important thing is that you have realized everything, the Lord will not leave you. It's good that you have parents who love you and you love them. Live for them. This is your mission, like any person, to give everything to those people who us brought up. And your own happiness will definitely be, you just need to endure this test given to you!
Good luck, the Lord is with you and everything will definitely work out!

Arseniy, age: 20/12.02.2012

Nastenka. Let's remember once and for all - that death is just a transition to another life, where the state in which you are now can intensify even more. I will not build a system of evidence now. You are unable to perceive them and there is nothing to them. Just take my word for it. Many people, millions of people will subscribe to the truth of my words.
From here the main conclusion: death in your state, not natural, stupid, and most importantly - not leaving. and the acquisition of even greater problems.
In this regard, you immediately begin to FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE AT ANY COST. No one, no uncle will come and make you fight, only you yourself.
To do this, you must first try to convince yourself of the need to live. Tune in, think about life, about the desire to live the same way you think about the desire to die now.
Find any job, any occupation, get a cat, etc. etc. Now in your situation - any means are needed - to tear yourself away from your own self-desire.
I strongly advise you to start praying if you haven't already. This is a special tool that helps immediately. Also, go to church every day. Just come and listen to the silence. Listen to your heart. Then, if possible, confession.
Nastya, I was in a similar situation, I understand how hard it is for you now, and yet, you must pull yourself together. At least for the sake of her husband, for the sake of love. After all, if you die - this love will stop forever. If not, there is always hope - hope for the bright, the good, for love, for its rebirth, renewal. You must keep this hope in your heart. You must now not spit in the face of all those who love or loved you, and you must show them your correction if you want to make amends for all the evil! In the end - you have to pray for your ex-husband all your life - so that God will correct his life, which you destroyed. After all, it is also not easy for him and it hurts. To comfort him. And for this you must live and live in a new, different way, not for your own pleasure, but with repentance and good deeds. Then you will be happy again.
Many hugs. Be patient dear

Svetlana, age: 02/29/2012

Hello Anastasia. Adultery is, of course, a betrayal, and your husband is probably right. Apparently, he is very worried, but logic is a stubborn thing, logic suggests that the one who changed once will do it again. The saddest thing is that in the vast majority of cases this is the case. But this is not the point, this is a personal matter for everyone and I have no intention to climb with censures, especially since you yourself are aware. The trouble is that having committed a moderate sin, you have come close to a fatal sin. If you put your current sin on the scales to what you can commit, then this is about 500 grams, against 2000 tons. Imagine what suffering you have to endure for 2000 tons, if it's so hard with 500 grams? Anastasia, there is always a chance, every person has a chance, and you also have a chance to experience love and peace of mind again. Do good to others, really confess your sin, bring repentance. I'm sure everything is ahead of you, do not be discouraged.

Dmitry CAESAR, age: 31/13.02.2012

Nastya, you are not as weak as it seems to you now .... I will say briefly - set a goal to survive ... go from the opposite ... survive and become happy ... and go straight to this goal, not listening to your soul, not listening heart at the moment, not thinking about pain, about fear. And then you will see - everything will change.

fialka , age: 28 / 13.02.2012

Oh-oh-oh, a familiar howl. 6 years ago he was mine. Only the reason was a little different - mine
my beloved cheated on me repeatedly, I pretended that I didn’t know anything and that everything was in order. and then he left me altogether, also without a livelihood. The pain was unbearable, the divorce was like cutting out my heart for profit. I couldn't live or breathe, not that I didn't want to.
I know for myself that when the soul hurts, any physical pain compared to this one is bullshit. One thing kept me from suicide - I firmly know that death will bring only the loss of the body, and the soul will howl in pain, but already homeless and without a chance to fix everything. During that year, I said such things to God that if He were not God, then He would have nailed me long ago.))) Thank Him for wisdom and love. She took up helping orphans, at first she collected things from herself, then bought secondhand and took them to boarding schools, got acquainted with many children who had no fathers and mothers and had no family and no love, and they were abandoned wolf cubs from the cradle, without a flock, without help, without friends. Over time, neighbors and friends joined in. I made repairs for people and opened my own atelier. Received another higher education.
And I met a man who turned out to be monogamous, did not have women, was not married, was well brought up and educated, with a very good family and was waiting for me all his life. I have been his wife for 3 years already - and believe me, I am so glad that my first husband left me and I am so grateful to him that I even tell him about it - we remained friends, I introduced my husbands, we are not friends with families, but we communicate. And I'm so mad at myself that I spent a whole year whining and whining and all sorts of suicidal nonsense instead of being happy and enjoying life. You see - we do not choose our path, we can get off it - it is in our power to do stupid things, but the Almighty controls everything, and regardless of whether you believe in Him or not. you can not believe in gravity - you will not take off from this. And most importantly - you need to believe not in Him but in Him. Well, what's the point of believing that I exist? but if you believe my words - it will make sense.
Believe me, He knows best of all what you need and how to educate you and how to direct you in the direction where He needs to, and He even wants to punish you with a happy ending, not just so that your soul stops hurting and you understand that you can’t change, but to in this pain, she took on a new essence and was transformed. You will not be able to draw the correct conclusion from what happened - life will constantly correct you. If you can't get up yourself, ask to be lifted up. You feel that there is no strength to live - get angry, lose your temper and act, the most correct thing is to do something so that there is not a single minute to howl and the howl will leave you gradually. Studying, working and helping others - at least what you need to do. And your husband may forgive you over the years. But his wound will heal even longer.

Anya, age: 33 / 14.02.2012

Nastya, hello. I sympathize with you, the situation is really difficult, but NOT hopeless. There is no need to rush anywhere, especially where there is no waiting at all. Suicide is not the way out, everything will be fine. I’m not just telling you to console you, I myself was in a similar situation, only my husband betrayed me, humiliated me so that there was no question of self-esteem, I was just zero, I was crushed. It was a year ago. Now I am a different person, I am stronger, I am smarter than I was before. I thank God that this happened to me! I like the one I have now much more than the old one. I, like you, was financially dependent on my husband and thought I would not live. Live, Nastya, you have no other choice but to become a first-class specialist and earn money yourself. This situation simply pushes you to self-determination, to become independent, to your development and your growth. But first, you need to come to terms with what happened and forgive yourself, first of all, forgive yourself. There is no sin that the Lord cannot forgive. Confess. Go to a psychologist, six months of depression is a decent amount of time. Understand, a roof over your head and loved ones nearby, this is already a lot, Hands-legs-head in place? Fine! Do you have something to eat and wear? You are a rich woman, many are in a situation of collapse and this does not happen, well, nothing, they break through. Nastya! In the life of every person, there is a place for ups and downs, and no one is immune from them, absolutely. A person manifests himself in how he responds to this situation, what lessons he draws from his mistakes. This is not the end of the world, but a chance for your further growth. You are so young, everything is ahead of you. I don’t know, maybe you went to the site to survive the ru, the articles and stories of women helped me a lot, I just started to revive when I got there. Nastya! I am sure that YOU are able and able to rise up and build a new world! You will succeed, I am with you, I hug you, God bless you!

Tatyana, age: 35/14.02.2012

I want to say a big thank you to everyone. Trying to survive It's like I snatch every day from death. Your responses are very helpful.

Anastasia, age: 02/27/2012

If you love two people, then choose the second, because if you loved the first, the second would not
fell in love.....

manager , age: 36/11.05.2012

My wife has been cheating on me for 5 years. In the end, they separated. Son is 4 years old. Now he lives with another and not with the one he met, I
another and love her. Why don't you worry, find yourself a young man and be happy!!!

Pavel, age: 30/08/13/2013

How are you, author? More than a year and a half has passed, I hope you recovered and found the strength to live on?
My opinion is that no matter what you do, even much worse than treason, you need to learn from your mistakes and continue to move on and even enjoy life. People are in prison for terrible crimes, but they also find their meaning in life.
As far as I can see from your posts, you are completely fixated on yourself, on your tragedy, your experiences, you don’t even write anything about your ex-husband - and he probably experienced no less trauma. Therefore, if you really love him, you should think about how to make his life easier, and be happy for him if he was able to survive your betrayal and find someone else for himself, and not be disappointed in the whole female gender.
In general, think about OTHERS in this world, about those who do not have what you have - a healthy body, arms, legs, a roof over their heads, parents or someone else who took care of them ... there are many. You look, and you will have a meaning in life.

Good luck to you!

Bob , age: 53 / 09/12/2013

Dear Anastasia!
The Lord failed to save you from the sin of depravity, but he saved you from the sin of idleness. You yourself say that when you were married to your husband, you completely lived in Moscow at his expense. The idleness and idleness of Moscow life weighed on you, and you yourself decided to drastically change your life. Now you have a great opportunity to prove yourself in a team and make a career. You can also become a unique specialist in your field: an excellent tiler or painter, accountant or storekeeper. Waking up for work at 5-6 in the morning, you will find out how the birds sing and how beautiful the dawn is. After all, in a past life you were sleeping at that time and did not notice it. And I am sure that one early morning at a frosty bus stop you will meet your true love. Perhaps she will smell of cheap cigarettes, fumes and dirty socks, go to the left and drink beer at the TV, beat you on weekends - but this will be the same Real Life and True Love that each person chooses for himself. You will be very happy, because you have chosen such True life and True love for yourself.

Dragonfly and Ant, age: 33 / 09/26/2013

It is very strange to receive a response to your request for help after almost 2 years. Well, Dragonfly and Ant, I will answer you the following: "the sin of debauchery" - I believe that in this case this is not about me. The man with whom I cheated on my husband, I still loved. Let not for long. I felt very good with him. And it was mutual. And sex with him gave pleasure to me and to him. So I don't think it's depraved that two people enjoyed every minute of sexual intimacy and communication with each other. Then you write: "The idleness and idleness of Moscow life weighed on you." This is not true. Apparently, I put it wrong, but in Moscow I did not suffer from idleness at all, since there was work + regular sports + home and family, so there was enough work to do, there was no time to idle. But it was an interesting and eventful life, and I liked it. Further, well, this (sorry, of course) is completely ridiculous: "one day early in the morning at a frosty bus stop you will meet your True love. Perhaps it will smell like cheap cigarettes, fumes and dirty socks, go to the left and drink beer in front of the TV, beat you on weekends - but it will be the same True Life and True Love. I do not understand how the concept of True Love and tapping are combined. And indeed, what you write is absurd. As for all the changes that have taken place in my life at the moment, I will write the following: I have already met a person with whom I feel very good, and I married him. Moreover, we are now raising a son. From that depression about which I wrote, at the moment there is no trace left. I forgot my ex-husband. The attitude to that situation and to the suicide attempt was completely revised and revised with psychologists. At the moment my request is irrelevant. I appeal to everyone who wants to write something: the topic is no longer relevant. And yes, I am alive and happy. Thank you.

Anastasia, age: 09/28/2013