The soul does not go in only one direction
and does not grow like a reed.
The soul opens up like a lotus
with countless petals.
Kahlil Gibran
One day a small gap appeared in the cocoon. A passing man stopped and began to observe how a butterfly was trying to get out through this gap. Much time passed, the butterfly seemed to abandon its efforts, and the gap remained the same small. It seemed that the butterfly had done everything it could, and for nothing else it had no more strength.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly and cut the cocoon with a knife. The butterfly immediately got out of the cocoon. But her body was weak and feeble, her wings were undeveloped and barely moved. The man continued to observe, thinking that the butterfly's wings were about to spread out, get stronger and it would be able to fly.
Nothing happened! For the rest of its life, the butterfly dragged its weak little body, its unfolded wings on the ground. She never learned to fly.
And all because the man, wanting to help her, cut the cocoon. He did not know that the butterfly needed an effort so that the life juices from the body would flow into the wings. Life forces the butterfly to leave the cocoon shell with difficulty so that it can fly.
Sometimes it is effort that we need in life. If we were allowed to live without difficulties, we would be deprived. We could not have become as strong as we are now. We would not have learned to fly ...
Foreword
I asked for strength
and life gave me difficulties
to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom
but life gave me problems
to make me wise.
I asked for wealth
and life gave me brain and muscle,
so I can work.
I asked for an opportunity
and life gave me obstacles,
to overcome.
I asked for love
and life gave me people
who need my help.
I got nothing of what I asked for ...
But I got everything I needed.
Does the title of the book remind you of something? Yes, I wrote this book under the influence of one of my teachers - Liz Burbo. Have you read her book Five Traumas That Prevent You from Being?
When I first read this book, I didn't understand much. Moreover, for me personally, it left a depressing impression: I discovered all five injuries in myself ... Or rather, I felt like one continuous injury. I experienced this "insight" as something absolutely hopeless. Well, yes, I found out that I am a continuous walking injury, and then what? What to do about it? And I started my own investigation.
Several times I took a seminar "Five traumas" with Liz Burbo, added some of my observations, the experience of my students and finally decided to write this book. I hope she helps you heal your soul and your body. And learn to fly!
I warn you right away: this is an unusual book. Rather, it is a workbook, a diary of your personal and spiritual growth. Get your pencil ready - you will find many places to write here. Feel free to write directly in the book, share with her your feelings, thoughts, desires.
Why is this needed? When, after some time, you again pick up the book and read what you wrote, for example, a year ago, you will be amazed at what changes have occurred in your life and personally with you during this time. Inspired, you can erase everything and start again!
The more I share my thoughts, desires and dreams, the more I gain knowledge about myself.
And now I propose to get distracted for a while. Read the text, close your eyes, think for a moment, and write down the thoughts that come to your mind.
Each of us, somewhere deep in his heart, asks himself questions: who am I, why was I born, why was life given to me, what should I do in this life, where will I go after death? Each of us, somewhere deep in our souls, feels that we were born for something very important. Only, alas, not everyone manages to live life in such a way as to understand and fulfill their true destiny. Without knowing what will actually happen to us after death, it is impossible to understand our purpose, value and significance of life itself ...
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If you wrote that the true purpose of your soul is to learn unconditional forgiveness, acceptance and love, you are almost right.
Why almost? Because you also have to teach this to others! Deep in your heart, you know that you have something to offer other people. You can give the world a unique piece of God, His Light and Love.
Any communication is a learning and teaching process.
There are people who do not have the slightest idea about the high mission of their life. But your life is already illuminated by understanding, and it leads you in one direction or another. It was this understanding that led you to the shelf in the bookstore where you selected this book.
Many are called, but few are chosen! You are chosen by the universe. She places her hopes on you. You have won the "casting" of souls awaiting their incarnation on our planet. Congratulations!
And if I distribute all my possessions and give my body to be burned, but I have no love, there is no benefit to me.
Love is longsuffering, merciful, love does not envy, love is not exalted, is not proud, does not rage, does not seek its own, does not get irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices in the truth; Covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything.
Love never fails, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be abolished.
Still from the film "Ashes and Snow", Gregory Colbert
These are five traumas, namely the trauma of the rejected, abandoned, humiliated, betrayal and injustice. We are all born with several traumas, but they are experienced in different ways, with different intensities. Traumas originated in a previous life and are present in our new life, since we have not learned to heal and accept them.
So, we can conclude that, for example, the trauma of the rejected one originates in a situation where a person rejects another person and does not accept himself in this situation. This experience of rejection is associated with rejection of oneself, which becomes a vicious circle: I reject myself, I reject others and others reject me too…. All of this is to help me realize that I am rejecting myself. And so - for every trauma of the soul. Trauma occurs as soon as a person stops accepting himself, just as suddenly numerous wounds, injuries or diseases can arise in the human body. If a person does not deal with the healing of this trauma, it becomes more and more dangerous and, at the slightest touch, it will hurt more and more. Therefore, only we ourselves must personally realize the importance of healing our own soul trauma in order to create a completely different quality of our life.
All troubles, problems, stresses that occur to us can be associated with one of the traumas of the soul. Difficulties can be mental (anxiety, fears, etc.), emotional (guilt, emotions, anger, etc.) or manifest on a physical level (illness, illness, accidents, etc.).
From the moment a child is conceived, injuries begin to intensify by parents or those who played the role of parents. Therefore, it is important to remember that we do not suffer from trauma BECAUSE of our parents, but rather because we needed such parents with their own traumas so that we can become aware of our own traumas and begin the process of healing them.
As soon as one of the five traumas is active and we do not accept it, our reactions are instantaneous. It looks like someone is touching an open wound on your body, it gives you pain and you are sensitive to touch. Your reaction depends on how serious your injury is. The more painful the wound, the sharper and faster your reaction. When I talk about trauma, I call these reactions "wearing masks." Why? Because we are in pain, and if we do not understand our responsibility, we blame other people for hurting us (or we blame ourselves for feeling pain), and we cease to be ourselves. Taking responsibility is about feeling the pain and trauma and realizing that the other person did not hurt us, but that the suffering was due to the fact that we have not yet been involved in healing the trauma.
For example, someone steps on your injured and swollen toe. Of course, you react: you are more likely to say something unpleasant, push the person away, or even hurt him yourself. Of course, such a reaction is natural. But think: if your toe was healthy and someone stepped on your foot, you probably would not have this reaction. This means that if we react too sharply to certain events or people, we cease to be ourselves. And that's why we call reactions masks. Each injury has its own mask and its own reactions.
You can read a full description of the five traumas of the soul and associated masks in the book "Five Traumas that Prevent Being Oneself". Recognizing masks and injuries is easy if you look closely at your body structure. The more characteristics of a particular trauma are present in your body, the stronger this particular trauma of yours.
The first step in trauma healing is accepting and observing yourself when your trauma is active and you are in pain. You may feel rejected, for example, or abandoned, without wearing a proper mask. At such moments, you just need to tell yourself that now you feel rejected, and observe your thoughts, feelings and the localization of pain in the physical body. You will see how simple self-observation works wonderfully! Just observing is enough for the pain to subside and to make you feel much better. Your breathing becomes even and the pain goes away. This observation technique is also called acceptance.
Another step in healing trauma is accepting that ALL people, without exception, are born with trauma. The more you give yourself the right to live through the trauma, the more compassion and tolerance for others you will have. You will not be sensitive to moments when other people wear masks or react emotionally. So, the more you observe yourself, the easier it will be for you to observe others, without judgment or blame.
A great and effective way to heal your soul trauma is to be very mindful of your relationships with others. As soon as you notice that you are reacting to other people with pain, from trauma, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "If I listened to my needs, what would I do now?"
Take, for example, a woman who is tired after a day at work. She sees that her son (or husband) wants her attention. She would like to be alone and rest. However, due to the trauma of the abandoned woman, she fears that if she does so, her son or husband will feel abandoned. Most likely, she will not tell anyone about her desire, and will make every effort to pay due attention. If so, then her injury won, and she herself put on the mask.
Gradually, as you heal from the trauma, you will become who and what you want to be: the fugitive will learn to assert himself and take a worthy place; the addict will be happy to be alone, will be able to ask for help only if necessary, and not in order to attract attention; the masochist will show his sensuality without guilt and shame, listening and satisfying his needs before others. The controller will remain a leader and leader, but will not seek to control and suppress everyone, using lies and manipulation; the rigid one will acquire his natural sensuality and give himself the right to be imperfect.
And this is just a small fraction of the wonderful changes that you will observe in your life as you begin to heal from your soul trauma. And your environment will also be pleasantly surprised as you begin to change before our eyes! Now, there is only one thing left for you to do: make the decision to start healing your soul trauma right now, without waiting for other people to change in your place. This is the only way you can get a better quality of life, and this will only happen thanks to a unique tool - acceptance that heals everything!
By accident, in a bookstore, my hand reached out to Liz Burbo's book 5 Injuries That Prevent Being Yourself. Having bought this book, I read it in 2 days and realized that it was not by chance that it fell into my hands, it was just time to deal with my childhood trauma, which affects my adult life. As strange as it sounds, reading this book, it seemed to me that the author knows me even better than I know myself, as well as my relatives and friends. If you are interested, but you do not have time to read the book at all, then it is for you that I wrote this article.
Perhaps we should start with the fact that every person has a trauma, or maybe more than one, which he received in childhood thanks to his mother or father, or the person who raised him. This trauma forces us to put on a mask in life in order not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, not even ourselves. Liz Burbo, as a result of many years of practice, revealed 5 injuries that prevent us from living, masks that we unknowingly put on and methods of healing childhood wounds.
5 injuries that interfere with life:
The person who received this trauma does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who was born after all, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same gender from the moment of birth to one year. Such a person has been wearing the "Fugitive" mask since childhood, he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, as the body reacts to subconscious desire. In the eyes of a fugitive, you will always see fear, he is very insecure about himself, in large companies he feels awkward, always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another characteristic feature of a fugitive is the striving for perfection in everything, if he does something, he does it perfectly, or does not start doing it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that he has something to love. People suffering from the trauma of the rejected one often have problems with the skin, since it is she who is the contact organ with the outside world, the problem skin seems to push the outside world away from itself and says with all its appearance: "Don't touch me." Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from the trauma of the rejected, they reject food that has not had time to digest. For the same reason, they often vomit. Some fugitives escape reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing aching pain.
The next of the 5 injuries that interfere with life is abandoned. A person who carries this trauma within himself received it because of a parent of the opposite sex, since he did not pay enough attention to him, did not show care and love. That is why a person suffering from the trauma of the abandoned person experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to "cling" to another person in order to satisfy this hunger. The mask used by the abandoned is "Dependent". He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he just needs words of approval and advice, which he then, by the way, does not follow. For him, the main thing is to have a person next to him to rely on, since he is not sure of his abilities. The addict's physique corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside, it seems that the muscular system will not hold his body and a person, in order not to fall, simply needs to lean on someone. This is what happens in life. Feeling emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on him. At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, tends to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making an elephant out of a fly” is about her. More than anything, the addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from the trauma of being abandoned often has a childish tone of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and hardly accepts refusal, since at the same time he again feels abandoned. The most common diseases associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines, and depression.
A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, censure from an early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated person manifests itself if the child hears all this from the mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother blames the child, making him feel guilty, shame, then he, in turn, perceives this as humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers. Such a child in the future puts on the mask of the "Masochist". This means that a person will be looking for problems, humiliation and various situations in which he can suffer for himself all his life. Since childhood, he experienced humiliation, did not hear a kind word, therefore he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself. Since he is accustomed to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in size. The masochist takes up a lot of space, not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, prompt and point out. Such a person seems kind, since he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact his behavior is motivated by a fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and praised, finally! The masochist is usually supersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and injures other people. A person with an injury of the humiliated often suffers from back diseases, as he takes on an unbearable burden - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, the thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and declare his requirements.
This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 years with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else, not him, or when he abuses the child's trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, wears the “Controlling” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted. Such a person is confident in his abilities, he loves to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as well as of himself and is often disappointed that nothing can be entrusted to them and that he has to do everything himself. The controller loves speed in his actions, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and foresee everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and does what he sees fit, but demands from others that they strictly follow his recommendations. People suffering from the trauma of betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, joint diseases and diseases that end in -it.
The child receives this injury mainly with a parent of the same gender between the ages of three and five. Protective mask - "Rigidity". Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others, and vice versa - the way others treat him may seem unfair only to him, since he suffers from this trauma. The physique of a rigid person is perfect and proportional, because this is fair ... Such a person is very hardworking, he was always appreciated for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, since he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he may act unfairly in relation to others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, a rigid person often refuses the benefits of life if he considers it unfair for others and envies others if he believes that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, constipation, loss of vision and insomnia.
The first step to healing 5 traumas that interfere with life is their awareness, acceptance, and only then work with them. By the way, you don't need to blame your parents for everything, because, as Liz Burbo writes in her book, souls already knew what traumas in life they needed to get in order to work off their karma and simply chose parents who would provide them with the necessary conditions. Responsibility for your life always rests with you, and other people and situations are a reflection of your inner decision to experience certain lessons.
You can read more detailed information in the book by Liz Burbo "Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself" and I hope that you will be able to heal your life.
If you have any questions while reading the article, you can ask me. I will answer you with pleasure!
These are five traumas, namely the trauma of the rejected, abandoned, humiliated, betrayal and injustice. We are all born with several injuries, but they are lived in different ways, with different intensities.
Still from the film "Ashes and Snow", © Gregory Colbert
These are five traumas, namely the trauma of the rejected, abandoned, humiliated, betrayal and injustice. We are all born with several traumas, but they are experienced in different ways, with different intensities. Traumas originated in a previous life and are present in our new life, since we have not learned to heal and accept them.
So, we can conclude that, for example, the trauma of the rejected one originates in a situation where a person rejects another person and does not accept himself in this situation. This experience of rejection is associated with rejection of oneself, which becomes a vicious circle: I reject myself, I reject others and others reject me too…. All of this is to help me realize that I am rejecting myself. And so - for every trauma of the soul. Trauma occurs as soon as a person stops accepting himself, just as suddenly numerous wounds, injuries or diseases can arise in the human body. If a person does not deal with the healing of this trauma, it becomes more and more dangerous and, at the slightest touch, it will hurt more and more. Therefore, only we ourselves must personally realize the importance of healing our own soul trauma in order to create a completely different quality of our life.
All troubles, problems, stresses that occur to us can be associated with one of the traumas of the soul. Difficulties can be mental (anxiety, fears, etc.), emotional (guilt, emotions, anger, etc.) or manifest on a physical level (illness, illness, accidents, etc.).
From the moment a child is conceived, injuries begin to intensify by parents or those who played the role of parents. Therefore, it is important to remember that we do not suffer from trauma BECAUSE of our parents, but rather because we needed such parents with their own traumas so that we can become aware of our own traumas and begin the process of healing them.
As soon as one of the five traumas is active and we do not accept it, our reactions are instantaneous. It looks like someone is touching an open wound on your body, it gives you pain and you are sensitive to touch. Your reaction depends on how serious your injury is. The more painful the wound, the sharper and faster your reaction. When I talk about trauma, I call these reactions "wearing masks." Why? Because we are in pain, and if we do not understand our responsibility, we blame other people for hurting us (or we blame ourselves for feeling pain), and we cease to be ourselves. Taking responsibility is about feeling the pain and trauma and realizing that the other person did not hurt us, but that the suffering was due to the fact that we have not yet been involved in healing the trauma.
For example, someone steps on your injured and swollen toe. Of course, you react: you are more likely to say something unpleasant, push the person away, or even hurt him yourself. Of course, such a reaction is natural. But think: if your toe was healthy and someone stepped on your foot, you probably would not have this reaction. This means that if we react too sharply to certain events or people, we cease to be ourselves. And that's why we call reactions masks. Each injury has its own mask and its own reactions.
You can read a full description of the five traumas of the soul and associated masks in the book "Five Traumas that Prevent Being Oneself". Recognizing masks and injuries is easy if you look closely at your body structure. The more characteristics of a particular trauma are present in your body, the stronger this particular trauma of yours.
The first step in trauma healing is accepting and observing yourself when your trauma is active and you are in pain. You may feel rejected, for example, or abandoned, without wearing a proper mask. At such moments, you just need to tell yourself that now you feel rejected, and observe your thoughts, feelings and the localization of pain in the physical body. You will see how simple self-observation works wonderfully! Just observing is enough for the pain to subside and to make you feel much better. Your breathing becomes even and the pain goes away. This observation technique is also called acceptance.
Another step in healing trauma is accepting that ALL people, without exception, are born with trauma. The more you give yourself the right to live through the trauma, the more compassion and tolerance for others you will have. You will not be sensitive to moments when other people wear masks or react emotionally. So, the more you observe yourself, the easier it will be for you to observe others, without judgment or blame.
A great and effective way to heal your soul trauma is to be very mindful of your relationships with others. As soon as you notice that you are reacting to other people with pain, from trauma, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "If I listened to my needs, what would I do now?"
Take, for example, a woman who is tired after a day at work. She sees that her son (or husband) wants her attention. She would like to be alone and rest. However, due to the trauma of the abandoned woman, she fears that if she does so, her son or husband will feel abandoned. Most likely, she will not tell anyone about her desire, and will make every effort to pay due attention. If so, then her injury won, and she herself put on the mask.
Gradually, as you heal from the trauma, you will become who and what you want to be: the fugitive will learn to assert himself and take a worthy place; the addict will be happy to be alone, will be able to ask for help only if necessary, and not in order to attract attention; the masochist will show his sensuality without guilt and shame, listening and satisfying his needs before others. The controller will remain a leader and leader, but will not seek to control and suppress everyone, using lies and manipulation; the rigid one will acquire his natural sensuality and give himself the right to be imperfect.
And this is just a small fraction of the wonderful changes that you will observe in your life as you begin to heal from the trauma of the soul. And your environment will also be pleasantly surprised as you begin to change before our eyes! Now, there is only one thing left for you to do: make the decision to start healing your soul trauma right now, without waiting for other people to change in your place. This is the only way you can get a better quality of life, and this will only happen thanks to a unique tool - acceptance that heals everything!
Psychologist Liz Burbo, in one of his books ("Five traumas that interfere with being oneself"), describes five main mental traumas that a person experiences in his life, and which can lead him not only to psycho-emotional suffering, but also negatively affect the state physical health.
Mental trauma is the consequence of painful childhood experiences that affect a person's life and largely determine his ability to overcome difficulties.
Since a person receives these mental traumas from early childhood, Liz Burbo considers them in chronological order:
Along with the explanation of these traumas, the psychologist invites the reader to get acquainted with the so-called masks that a person is forced to create in order to protect himself from the emotional pain he has experienced.
These masks are designed to cover injuries throughout life, so each injury has its own mask: the injury was “rejected” - the mask “fugitive”, “left” - “addicted”, “humiliated” - “masochist”, “betrayed” - “ controlling ”,“ were unfair ”-“ rigid (rigid) ”.
Let us consider these traumas and masks in more detail in order to “know them by sight”, since it is they who can stand behind one or another psychosomatic ailment.
According to Liz Burbo, this injury is very deep, as it appears before the age of one year. The rejected one feels this trauma as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist.
Prominent examples are situations such as an unwanted child, a child of the wrong gender.
It should be noted that the psychologist shares two different concepts: - a person suffering from a rejection complex. « Fugitive Mask " - the character of a person, developing as a means of avoiding the suffering of the rejected. That is, you need a mask so as not to be yourself.
A child who feels rejected and creates a fugitive mask lives in his imaginary world. In this regard, according to Liz Burbo, he is smart, prudent, quiet and not creating problems. He feels good in his world, he can even come up with a consoling story for himself that his parents are not real, that they just messed up in the hospital and took the wrong one. He is characterized by the desire to run away from home for any reason (for example, they have a pronounced desire to go to school, although they also feel rejected there).
On the other hand, the psychologist notes, the rejected child wants his parents to notice him (he gets sick, gets serious wounds, hides in the closet and waits to be found, etc.)
Since such a child, as a rule, is less than average in body, the parents may begin to take great care of him, because of which he begins to think that he is again not accepted for who he is.
The rejected one often asks himself: what is he doing on this planet? He is attracted by everything that is connected with spirit and intellect, and he looks down on material things, as it were. This same position can explain such consequences as difficulties in sexual life.
The fugitive as a person does not believe in his own worth and does not put himself in anything, therefore he strives to be perfect in order to acquire this value. As Liz Burbo writes, the characteristic words of such a person are "nobody", "nothing", "does not exist", "disappear", etc.
Such a person usually seeks loneliness and solitude, as he is afraid of others because he does not know how to behave in front of them. He has few friends, both at school and at work, and speaks little. In turn, he is considered withdrawn and left alone, and this makes him even more lonely.
Fugitives often have problems with their skin so that they do not touch it: since the skin is a contact organ, its diseases become an unconscious way to protect themselves from touch.
Liz Burbo argues that the trauma of rejection is experienced with a parent of the same gender. However, it is not necessary that the parent has the intention of rejecting the child. The fact is that this is a personal feeling of the child: for certain reasons (which are associated with life lessons that his soul has come to go through), he does not feel acceptance or benevolence on the part of a parent of the same sex. He wants to win the love of this parent, but at the same time he is very sensitive to comments from this parent, and is always ready to decide that he is rejecting him.
In such a situation, bitterness and anger can develop in the child, often turning into hatred (like strong but disappointed love - so great is his suffering).
As Liz Burbo notes, a child is easily panicked and numb with fear in the presence of a parent or other people of the same gender. The word "panic" is often found in his vocabulary. Fear of his own panic leads to the fact that the fugitive loses his memory at a crucial moment.
As for the parent of the opposite sex, then, as the psychologist writes, the fugitive himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him.
If the fugitive experiences the feeling of the opposite sex rejected by the parent, then he blames himself for this and rejects himself.
Liz Burbo revealed that the trauma also affects the characteristics of food intake. So, a fugitive prefers small portions, and when he experiences fits of fear, his appetite often disappears. Sometimes he is prone to anorexia, as he believes that he is too big and well-fed, although this is not so (remember the physique of the rejected one).
According to Liz Burbo, fugitives have a weakness for sweets, and they can also be attracted to alcohol or drugs.
Also, such a person may develop a depressive or manic-depressive state, the result of which may be a plan to commit suicide. Sometimes, because of adoration of your idol, psychosis can develop.
To leave is to leave a person, to retire temporarily or permanently. If the rejected one experiences his trauma at the level of "to be", then the abandoned one experiences his trauma at the level of "have" and "do". Typically, this injury occurs between one and three years of age.
Feeling abandoned can develop in situations such as:
According to Liz Burbo, the addict's physique is characterized by a lack of tone in the body: a long, thin, saggy body, the muscular system is underdeveloped and sluggish, large sad eyes, weak legs and long arms, sometimes a curved back, some parts of the body are located below normal, some parts of the body also looks drooping (shoulders, cheeks, abdomen, etc.).
According to Liz Burbo's observations, the trauma of the abandoned person is caused by a parent of the opposite sex. She also found that it is not uncommon for the trauma of the abandoned to be combined with the trauma of the rejected. A person with the trauma of the abandoned person is constantly emotionally hungry.
Trying to hide his trauma from himself, a person creates for himself the mask of an addict. The addict is sure that he is not able to achieve anything on his own, that he needs support. Such a person tends to become a victim, and there is a high probability that his parent (or both parents) were also victims.
Here the psychologist explains that the victim in this case means a person who is always inclined to create problems for himself in order to attract attention to himself, and mainly these are health problems. This is due to the need of the addict, as it seems to him that too little attention is paid to him.
Such a person dramatizes everything too, creating many problems for himself, since the role of the victim allows him to receive the much-needed attention.
By studying this mask, Liz Burbo discovered that the addict is often willing to play the role of the savior - which is a subtle way of getting attention. But this role negatively affects his back health, as he takes on other people's responsibilities.
The addict has periods of rise and fall (feeling happy alternates with feeling unhappy). He feels an urgent need for support from other people, he hardly accepts a refusal to his request for help, does not like to act alone.
The addict's greatest fear is associated with loneliness, and therefore clings to others. Such a person, according to the psychologist, has the most powerful ability not to see problems in his partner, since he does not want to be abandoned. In this regard, he does not like the word "leave".
The strongest emotion an addict experiences is sadness. In order not to feel it, the addict seeks the company of other people. In times of crisis, such a person can come to the idea of suicide and tell everyone about it. Although the first attempt will be unsuccessful, in the absence of sympathy, it can actually do it.
At the same time, the addict thinks that he is not worthy of the attention of another person. He is afraid of all bosses and powerful people, as they seem to him cold and indifferent.
According to the observations of Liz Burbo, the addict is prone to bulimia: she can eat a lot without gaining weight. This is due to the fact that such a person is internally tuned in to the fact that he always lacks everything.
Addicts often get sick, especially in childhood, they are weak and frail in body. Among the frequent ailments of such people, the psychologist distinguishes asthma, diseases of the bronchi, pancreas and adrenal glands, myopia, hysteria, depression, migraines, as well as rare and incurable diseases.
Humiliation is an insult, a blow to a person's dignity, which he perceives as oppression, shame and shame.
This trauma, according to Liz Burbo, awakens at the age of one to three years, during the child's awareness of the functions of his physical body: the child learns to eat independently, go to the toilet, talk and listen to what adults tell him, etc.
The moment of the trauma awakening are situations when the child feels that the parent is ashamed of him because the child has done something, ruined, often in front of others (dirty, described, etc.).
The trauma of the humiliated is most often experienced with the mother.
According to Liz Burbo, the humiliated person creates for himself the mask of a masochist - a person who experiences satisfaction, pleasure from suffering and unconsciously seeks humiliation.
The humiliated person has a large and fat body, which, as it were, reflects his beliefs about himself as a short, unclean person.
It has a barrel-shaped body due to excess fat. If the injury is shallow, then only some parts of the body (abdomen, buttocks, chest) will be rounded. The physique of a masochist is also distinguished by a short waist, a thick, flowing neck, a round face with wide open innocent eyes.
The masochist seeks to prove his reliability and diligence, therefore he takes on a lot of work and responsibilities. As Liz Burbo writes, such a person has the gift of being drawn into situations in which he must deal with someone, help someone, take care of someone, gradually forgetting about himself. Moreover, the more he takes on himself, the more his weight becomes.
The weight and size of the body of the masochist grow and take up more and more space due to the fact that he himself wants to take a place in life. Therefore, interfering in the lives of loved ones, he does everything for them, not realizing that thereby humiliates them.
Liz Burbo argues that it is difficult for a masochist to express his true needs and feelings because from early childhood he is afraid to speak, because he is afraid to experience shame (or cause others to experience shame). As a rule, such a person is hypersensitive, and any trifle can hurt him. At the same time, he is ready to make others laugh, presenting himself as an object of ridicule.
The masochist perceives criticism with a sense of humiliation and his own worthlessness. But he himself considers himself much more worthless and insignificant and worthless than he really is (hence the favorite words "a little", "a little"). Therefore, he loves small houses, cars, objects, etc.
Such a person tends to punish himself. As confirmation of this, he even likes to take the blame of others on himself and apologize.
The greatest fear for such a person is freedom, therefore he always unconsciously arranges so as not to be free.
The main ailments of the masochist Liz Burbo includes back pain, a feeling of heaviness on the shoulders, respiratory diseases, problems with the legs and feet (varicose veins, sprains, fractures), liver problems, sore throat, tonsillitis and laryngitis, thyroid diseases, skin itching and scabies, pancreatic disease, heart disease. Soda, however, should be attributed to surgery as a consequence of his belief in the inevitability of suffering.
To betray is to stop being faithful. Betrayal is associated with the inability to trust and rely.
According to Liz Burbo, this trauma awakens between the ages of two and four, when sexual energy develops and the so-called Oedipus complex arises (when there is an unconscious or conscious attraction to the parent of the opposite sex). Hence, trauma is experienced only with a parent (or with another person acting as that parent) of the opposite sex.
The psychologist revealed that those who suffer from the trauma of betrayal did not resolve the Oedipus complex in childhood: their attachment to the parent of the opposite sex remained too strong, which in adulthood began to influence relationships with the opposite sex. Such people constantly compare their partners with their parent and expect from them the same that this parent could not give them.
A devoted child tends to feel that he is needed, he especially wants the parent of the opposite sex to be good.
Liz Burbo lists situations that trigger the trauma of betrayal: if a parent of the opposite sex fails to keep his promise or abuses such a child's trust, the child feels betrayed by that parent. A feeling of betrayal in a child also appears when a parent of the same sex is betrayed by a parent of the opposite sex, as well as in a situation when the father removes his little daughter from himself because a new child was born - a boy.
A child who has begun to experience such trauma creates a mask of “controlling” for himself in order to ensure the fulfillment of the tasks undertaken, to remain faithful, to justify responsibility, or to demand all of this from others.
According to Liz Burbo, the controller creates a body for himself, which is distinguished by strength and power, as if saying: "I am responsible for everything, you can trust me." So, the controlling man is distinguished by beautiful broad shoulders, and the controlling woman is distinguished by the width and "bulk" in the abdomen, buttocks, and thighs.
The gaze of the controller is intent, so such a person grasps the situation very quickly. His gaze keeps the enemy at a distance, and probes the weak, intimidates. But this is just a way to hide your weakness and vulnerability.
According to Liz Burbo's characterization, supervisors do everything in their power to be strong, responsible, special and significant people. In this way, they satisfy their ego, which does not want to see how many times it betrays itself or others.
The supervisor has the highest expectations, as he loves to anticipate and control everything in order to check whether others are doing well, what they should do and whether they can be relied on.
The psychologist describes the controller as a strong personality. Such a person actively asserts what he believes in and expects others to fully accept his beliefs. He is firmly convinced that he is right and expresses his opinion in a categorical tone.
At the same time, the controller avoids conflict situations for fear of losing control. He fears commitment out of fear of reneging on commitments (because he considers reneging on commitments to be a betrayal that he experienced as a child from his parent of the opposite sex, not fulfilling his obligations in accordance with his expectations).
He often has mood swings. He is impatient with slow people, as he loves speed and speed of action (including fast eating). Such a person does not like to be late, does not like to entrust others with things, since this can lead to losing control. He is more demanding of others than of himself. Reputation for him is above everything, even above the happiness of his children.
The controller does not like to be controlled or corrected after him, since he likes to do everything in his own way.
Such a person is prone to "futurization": he is constantly busy planning the near future, so he practically does not realize the essence of the present.
It is very important for the controller to show others his strength and courage, but he can hardly trust another because of the fear that his information could be used against him. He is very sensitive, but it is almost impossible to notice.
The strongest fear in the controller is associated with disintegration, separation, rupture (divorce), and also with renunciation (understood as betrayal).
For such a person, the choice is especially difficult, since it seems to him that due to the wrong choice he may lose control.
Liz Burbo explains injustice as a lack of fairness and fairness. A person feels a sense of injustice when he does not see the recognition of his dignity, when it seems to him that he does not receive what he deserves.
According to the psychologist, this trauma awakens at the age of three to five years, during the period of development of the child's individuality, when he realizes that he is a human being, a separate integral entity with its own characteristics. The child feels as injustice that he cannot be whole and inviolable, cannot express himself and be himself.
The trauma of injustice is experienced, as a rule, with the parent of the same gender: the child suffers from his coldness (as it seems to the child), imperiousness, severity, from his constant remarks.
Liz Burbo argues that a child with this trauma creates a mask of rigidity for himself in order to isolate himself from the experiences he is experiencing, thus protecting himself. But the fact that he cuts himself off from experiences does not mean that he does not feel anything. On the contrary, such a person is very sensitive, but he develops the ability not to feel his sensitivity and not to show it to others. Therefore, a rigid person looks cold and insensitive.
The psychologist characterizes such a person as having a straight, rigid, and often perfect body. The physique is proportional, the shoulders are straight and the same width as the hips. Rigid people are usually more afraid of weight gain than others. They are characterized by dynamic, but not flexible enough movements, clenched jaws, proudly straightened neck, clear skin and clear eyes.
Small stature is characteristic of rigid women. Such individuals love tight belts and clothes that highlight the waist. This is because by pinching their waist (solar plexus area), they will feel less.
According to Liz Burbo, already in childhood, the rigid one notices (or thinks so) that he is appreciated for what he does, and not for what he is. Therefore, he becomes hardworking, executive, gets used to independently getting out of difficult situations.
A characteristic gesture inherent in rigid individuals is crossing the arms on the chest as a symbol of blocking the solar plexus area (so as not to feel). For the same purpose, such individuals like to wear black clothes.
As Liz Burbo writes, a rigid person achieves correctness and justice at any cost, he himself also strives to be perfect in everything and just. He is most inclined to envy, especially those who, in his opinion, deserve less, but receive more.
The psychologist notes that to deserve, according to merit, according to merit are the key concepts of a rigid person, since he loves to seek justice. And it is very important for him to make sure that what he receives, he deserves (otherwise, he may refuse the award). In this regard, the rigid person does not like to accept gifts.
However, rigid people tend to exaggerate. So, they like to use the words "never", "always", "very" ("you are always not there").
To hide their sensitivity and emotions, rigid ones resort to laughter. For the same reason, when asked about business, he always answers "Excellent!" (even if it isn't).
The biggest fear of the rigid is the fear of making a mistake, since they are always preoccupied with perfection. Perhaps that is why they are more likely to suffer from professional exhaustion than others. Another big fear is the fear of coldness.
And the most painful injustice, says Liz Burbo, the rigid ones experience from themselves, since they often blame themselves (that they buy something for themselves, that they have a rest, etc.).
Most often, rigid ones experience the emotion of anger (especially in relation to themselves).
Among the main ailments of rigid Liz Burbo emphasizes the inflexibility and tension of the upper back, in the neck, knees, elbows and other flexible parts of the body. This list includes diseases that end in it, also nervous exhaustion, nervousness, insomnia, constipation, hemorrhoids, spasms, convulsions, circulatory problems and varicose veins, skin problems (dryness, acne, psoriasis), liver disorders, visual impairment.
Earlier we wrote that the considered traumas can negatively affect both mental and physical health of a person. The key word here is “may,” which means that if certain conditions are met, this can be avoided. What are these conditions? They just overlap with the ways of healing psychosomatic ailments.
Observing and analyzing events and people in your life will help you see the problem. Liz Burbo emphasizes the following pattern: the deeper the trauma of a person, the more he attracts to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected (betrayed, humiliated, etc.) or rejects (betrays, humiliates, etc.) himself. And the more he does this in relation to himself, the stronger his fear of being rejected, betrayed, humiliated, etc.
We blame others for what we do not want to see in ourselves. Therefore, a person attracts the appropriate people or situations: in order to see through them what is in him.
Since, according to Liz Burbo's theory, wherever a person with a mental trauma comes, wherever he tries to hide from situations reminiscent of his trauma, this suffering will haunt him only for one simple reason - the trauma sits in him, in his inner world, in his soul.
From here, healing will begin to occur only when a person stops running away from himself, from his mental pain, when he realizes that the people around him are not guilty of anything, like himself. He just came to this Earth to go through this experience and, being healed, to be free.
What needs to be done for successful healing? The answer lies in the cause of the injury. As Liz Burbo points out, the main cause of any injury is the inability to forgive oneself for the injury inflicted on oneself or others.
This means that the first and most important thing is to forgive both yourself and others. In fact, it is easy to do this if you know the essence of your trauma and accept that “Yes, it so happened that I wanted to go through this experience, so I drew on the relevant circumstances of my life (parents, relatives, events) so that they showed me that it is inside me. This means that there is no one to blame, since all of them, including myself, played their roles in this play (called Life). I understand that all this was done not out of malice, but for the good of my soul, my development. Therefore, I easily forgive myself and others for the pain (as a signal that something is wrong) that was part of this experience and caused suffering to everyone who participated in this play. I thank myself and everyone for this experience that made me wiser. "
One strong Soul wanted to know what forgiveness is and what it means to forgive. Other Souls first dissuaded her, then out of love for her, agreed to help. One Soul said that only because of a great love for her, it agrees to incarnate as her parent and will humiliate and scold constantly so that she understands what forgiveness is and what forgiving is. Another Soul also agreed to help and said that it would incarnate as her husband and would beat, offend and change, so that she would understand what forgiveness is and what it means to forgive. This Soul said that it would do it only because it loves it very much. And other Souls flew up to her and said that only because of love for her they were ready to go with her to Earth as her future naughty children, betraying friends and other loved ones who bring her suffering. Only for her sake. When they all incarnated on Earth, they forgot about the contract. The Soul that wanted to go through the experience of forgiveness, for the sake of which all other Souls did what they had promised, has also forgotten: they came into her life and began to help her see the experience she had chosen.
Can you really blame or hate someone after that?
I wish you to see your (chosen by you) experience and go through it with an understanding of the essence and gratitude to all the actors (including yourself).
