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Falling in love is such a good feeling! Falling in love is followed by meetings, walks. However, things don't always go so smoothly and romantically. Funny stories on the first date also happen.

1. They invited me to a cafe. I, as politeness itself, begin to order exclusively cheap dishes. My partner watches all this and is silent. At the end of the date, the waitress comes up and says. “Oleg Vladimirovich, as usual, write everything off?” and then I find out that he is the director of this cafe. Here it is greed incarnate!

***

2. I am 35 years old and I met a man on the Internet. He invited me to dinner. We met, and a 40-year-old man is leading me to McDuck! He looked so intently at what I ordered for myself, how much I ate. And then we went to the park. They sat down on a bench and then he gives out the phrase: “And my ex always ordered much less than you.”

***

3. No more dating sites. He was a handsome 35-year-old blond in the pictures! A rather shabby man of about 50 came to see me on a date. To my question about the photo, she said: “Well, it's me! Just old pictures. I haven't changed at all." Naive…

***

4. I am standing, waiting for him - a prince on a white horse! A guy comes up to me and says:

— I booked a table for three.

- Why three?

“Well, my mom is going with us. She will quickly understand whether you will be a good wife and daughter-in-law or not?

***

5. We sit on a bench in the park, summer. The guy is stroking my leg. Stroking, stroking, but so nervous. I'm slowly starting to go crazy! I'm tired of the pancake already, and then this guy gives me: “You have such smooth legs. Such, such ... just like linoleum.

In such an exciting moment as the first meeting, anything can happen. Have you had any funny dating incidents in your life?

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Dating is always so exciting and awkward, especially at the beginning of a relationship. The heroes of our article just wanted the first meeting with the subject of their sighs to be perfect, but they overdid it a little. For example, on the eve of a date, one girl decided to smear her lips with cinnamon oil, as a result, she came down with a terrible allergy and frightened her gentleman with her appearance so that he lost consciousness. Another guy also brought his chosen one into complete horror, having learned absolutely EVERYTHING about her tastes and preferences. And these are not the most killer stories that happened to the heroes of our today's selection. Further, only more fun.

• On the next date, they gathered with a young man in the theater. I put on an evening dress, did my hair, spent 2 hours on makeup. The evening went well, after the performance we went to see him. All the time I caught the admiring glances of men and was incredibly proud of myself. Once I was at his place, I ran into the bathroom, thought and ... washed off all the make-up out of habit. I left my bag outside, I had to go out like that. My gentleman also turned out to be a comedian: he met me with the phrase “Girl, who are you?”
• My friend really liked one girl. Before he rolled up, he found out everything he could about her: he wanted to surprise her. He went on a date with her favorite flowers, took her to her favorite restaurant, ordered her favorite dishes, even dressed in the style she likes. During the conversation, he laid out all the facts that he knew about her, also with all the details. I wanted to please her as much as possible. In general, the girl ran away from him screaming "Damn maniac!"
• I read that cinnamon oil makes lips plumper and brighter, bought the oil, put it on my lips an hour before a date, and then woke up in the hospital - allergies. My boyfriend was worried that I was gone for a long time, he came to my house, knocked on the door, knocked, then begged from a neighbor who has a spare bunch (I told you), the second keys, went into the apartment, and there I lie - with lips like a monkey's butt. As a result, my hero falls unconscious. It was a great date.

• I have a twin brother, only our parents tell us apart. As a teenager, I was quite active in terms of dating girls, and my brother, on the contrary, was very timid. I once met a girl and decided to “pass” her on to my brother. On the second date, I sent him instead of myself, and everything was fine until the ex-boyfriend of this girl showed up in the park and beat him. Since then, my brother has been solving problems with his personal life on his own.
• The guy invited me on a date, he made an appointment near my house. And now we are walking, talking ... Suddenly he says, looking around: “Good area, never been here. Do you want to see where I live? We go by tram, then by metro with a transfer. We leave ... in my own microdistrict, only on the other street. But I don’t show it, I say: “And your district is good, so green! Do you want me to show you the trick? We sit on the tram, drive 2 stops - and we are again at the place of our meeting. The guy is in shock. It turns out that he only recently came to live in our city and has not yet figured out what and where he is. I thought we lived far apart, in different parts of the city.
• I agreed to take a walk with my friend and wanted to take my dog ​​with me. She said that I would not be alone, but he would like the surprise, and he secretly decided to arrange a "date" for a friend. We meet in the park, I stand with my back with the dog in my arms and turn around sharply. I have never seen such surprised faces. And then a friend of my friend gives out: "Actually, I prefer brunettes."

• I earned money in anatomy and forgot about the date and the movie. The young man called me at home (there were no cell phones then), my grandmother picked up the phone. He asked to call me, and my grandmother answered: "Arinochka is still in the morgue, but she should be home soon." This guy never called me again.
• Squeezing out a small pimple on her nose before the first date with such force that it broke the nasal septum. Winner for life.
• The guy invited his girlfriend to his house. She wanted to surprise him, put on a nurse's suit, put on her coat and went on a date ... In the entrance she took off her coat, assumed a seductive pose and rang the doorbell. The boy's mother opened the door. "Did you call an ambulance?"- the only thing that a friend could say. It turns out that the guy wanted to introduce her to his mother.

• My grandmother, a composer, taught me to understand classical music since childhood. I went on a date. The young man began to tell that he was a musician, playing in the orchestra of the Bolshoi Theater. And three times he confused the composer and the work. For the first time, I thought: “It happens to everyone,” but then I became alert and began to ask more and more questions, bring them to clean water. As it turned out, he was an electrician, but he introduced himself as a musician in order to glue girls.
• The fact that my husband is weird, I realized on the first date, when I suggested that he ask any question and promised to answer it frankly (it meant a question with sexual overtones). But he did not understand this, he did not understand anything at all and asked the following: “What kind of potatoes do you like in borscht? When coarsely chopped or finely?
• I met a man in a club that I really liked. Let's go to him, I went to the bathroom and for some reason decided to look into the cabinet under the sink. There, in jars, organs were floating in alcohol, and several skulls were lying. I barricaded myself and called the police. Generally, the maniac turned out to be an anatomy teacher at a medical university, and all I saw were preparations prepared by him for the department. It was very embarrassing. But he did nothing, laughed at me, even invited me on a second date.

And what was your most unfortunate, but at the same time the most comical date? Share your story with us!

The first date is the most responsible in trying to make a positive impression. Often it is it that determines whether the second and third will be, or whether everything will end here and now.

1. Real bully

“On the first date, we went for a walk with a young man to the city center. At some point, he decided that it would be great to find a balloon. But there weren't any shops where they were sold. A little boy with a ball was running not far from us. The guy walked up to him and took the ball. My jaw dropped. But there was more to come. The boy burst into tears, ran to his parents, and the young man tripped him up and the child fell! To say that I was shocked by such behavior of an adult would be an understatement. After his "heroism", the guy came up to me and began to tell how he "made" a child.

2. I looked back to see if she looked back

“I have poor eyesight and lost my lenses that day. I went into a cafe, I look, a girl with a shock of gorgeous white hair is sitting a few tables from me. I could not see the faces from afar, but I still decided to flirt and get to know each other. I sit smiling, winking at this heavenly creature to come back later. I see - I noticed, but the girl reacts not at all the way I would like. Feel the tension with an admixture of aggression. I turned away, I think, okay, if you don’t want it, don’t, there’s no mood, it happens ... But after a few minutes it started up again. Am I not allowed to look at the woman I like? And I decided that I would go up and ask directly. And then a beautiful person gets up and goes, as it seemed to me, straight to me ... If at that moment I was offered to fall into the center of the Earth, I would agree, because it turned out to be ... a man of Tarzan's complexion, with the same hair and torso. Luckily, he went to the bar, but kept looking at me and was angry in earnest…”

3. Naughty body

“Once in a nightclub I met the man of my dreams. Tall, handsome, interesting. The next day, he invited me on a date to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. On this occasion, she put on the most beautiful dress, high heels, and did her hair. We dined, talked about exhibitions in London and Paris. Mentally, I was already planning our wedding, when suddenly I ... farted. So loud that even the couple at the next table turned to look at me. The man didn't say anything and just asked for the bill. Since then, we never saw each other again."

4. Does your mother need a daughter-in-law?

“At my birthday party, I met a stunningly beautiful girl. He invited her to continue the date at the bar. We sit, drink cocktails, and then she asks me at what stage of the relationship we are. I was a little taken aback by this question and replied that for now we were just drinking our first cocktails together and that this, perhaps, could not yet be called a relationship. Hearing this, she began to tremble, began to cry, and began to scream. She screamed that I was wasting her time, jumped up from her chair and ran out of the hall.

I asked for the bill and was already paying when she ran back, shouting something at me. I ignored her and proceeded to the parking lot to my car. She followed me. When I unlocked the doors, she quickly got into the car and refused to get out, constantly asking why I refused to meet with her. In the end, I managed to get her out of the car. She called until two in the morning, begging me to come to her for the night and asking why I did not love her. The last time she called, she said I was just afraid of relationships."

5. Tea millionaire

“A young man called me on a first date in a chic restaurant. I arrived after school and work, very tired and glad that I could finally eat. The waitress brings me the menu, the man rips it out of my hands, opens it on the tea section and asks menacingly: “What kind of tea would you like?” I chose coffee and the most expensive cake, which I ate without a twinge of conscience.

6 Hopeless Romantic

“I met a young man on the Internet, I immediately liked his photo. Agreed to meet. Then I realized that the photo was taken a long time ago, because it was by no means that handsome man who came to me, but a fairly plump man, short in stature, with three tons of gel on his hair. I decided that I would wait until the end of the date. We went to a cafe, he went to see me home through the park. And in the very center of the park, he gets down on one knee, kisses his hand and begins to sing some kind of serenade. All traffic within a radius of a kilometer stopped, everyone calmed down and admired this spectacle with surprised eyes. The same ritual from repeated right at my entrance. Yes, he sang so loudly that all the neighbors watched from the windows. The next day, he called me at karaoke, but I had enough impressions.

7. Cemetery

“I met a guy on the Internet, he invited me on a date. It was 7 pm, winter. And then he comes ... in a black cloak unbuttoned, a black T-shirt, black jeans, with a chain and some kind of pictogram at the end. I'm shocked, but running away is uncomfortable. We decided to walk around the city. And then he says to me: “Let's go, I know one cool place! Let's sit down and rest, we'll talk about life." I asked where exactly. To which he replied: "Central Memorial Cemetery." My legs buckled. I pretended to agree, but when we got to the bus stop, I got on the first bus that came across. He stood and followed me with a sad look. And then he wrote and asked when we would meet next time.

8. Died of happiness

“Friends introduced me to a young man. Agreed to meet. Stood and waited for him on the street for 30 minutes. He did not come. I got angry, and my friends told me that they didn’t have time to tell me yet, it turns out that an hour before the appointment, he died.

9. Mommy's boy

“The most terrible first date I had was with a guy who brought his mother to a cafe. He said that his mother’s opinion is the most important thing for him, so if she doesn’t like the girl, then there’s no point in wasting time and money on her.”

10. Unsurpassed clean

“I had a not quite typical guy for a short time. He always came in perfectly ironed clothes, on which there was not a speck. At his house we drank tea and looked at the family album - there was not a speck of dust in the apartment, not a single wrinkle on the bedspread, a perfectly fluffy carpet and a table polished with polish.

There was always a bar of soap in his briefcase, which he used for its intended purpose once an hour for sure. Finally, I dared to invite him to visit me. All day the day before, I scrubbed everything that was possible, so as not to lose face. I even borrowed a porcelain teapot from my grandmother from a beautiful service, so that the tea would be impeccable. Everything went well. He even kissed me, quite childishly, really. Why did we break up? After the kiss, he took out a toothbrush from his briefcase and went to the bathroom to clean himself.

The correspondent of MIR 24 learned from her own experience that no one is immune from unsuccessful first dates.

“The last time we saw Kostya was five years ago. Then he was a modest young man, constantly invited to the conservatory and theaters, however, he was a little annoying. I never considered him as my young man, so we stopped communicating over time. Five years later, he wrote to me on Facebook: “How many years, how many winters, do you want to meet?”. A few weeks earlier, one of my nervous romances had ended, and I thought, why not unwind. Arriving at the meeting, I saw that in front of me was not the humble guy that I once knew. And the awkwardly dressed man is 30 years old. But since the meeting was friendly for me, I decided that I could not concentrate on this. What was my surprise when, after 15 minutes, he was already talking about his three girlfriends. One of which is married, and he just has sex with her. The second loves him, but for the sake of his career he sleeps with his boss, and with the third he has true love, although they live in different cities and saw each other for the last time three years ago. Kostya believes that she should not be distracted from organizing her career. By the time we went in for coffee, the young man was trying to get close in every possible way, and I was thinking about how to leave as soon as possible. As a result, I had to write a text message to a friend so that he would call me and we supposedly agreed to meet. During the entire meeting, only coffee did not disappoint.

Despite the fact that sometimes the first date can disappoint or shock us, we should not take it too seriously. Maybe it's worth giving a chance to a person in order to rehabilitate himself on the second one? Or analyze your behavior. In the end, one may not understand after a month of communication via the Internet that a person obeys his mother in everything or admires the grave theme. Maybe, in ardent attempts to find our love, we do not want to hear or see, and we ourselves put on rose-colored glasses, thinking that we have finally found the hero of our novel?

Ekaterina Degtereva

To find your other half, you have to work hard and be like a date to unearth your diamond. But the first acquaintance is always a little awkward and strange. In addition, there is a chance that everything will not go as you planned.

Under the hashtag #Worstfirstdate(#The Worst First Date) you'll find quite a few nightmarishly funny stories about how he and she first met. Admit it, were your first dates also such that you said: "Well, that's it, never again!"?

When we said goodbye, she thanked me for taking her to the cinema, and I said something like: “Yeah, I just had nothing else to do.” Next month is our third wedding anniversary.

Instead of his friend, the guy wrote to me that he regrets that he asked me on a date. We both looked at our phones at the same time. There was an awkward silence for the rest of the trip.

Once I tried to surprise my girlfriend and didn't say which restaurant we were going to. I randomly chose the one in which she works.

I met a girl a little younger than me, and she offered to meet at her grandmother's house. I went there, but the girl was not there - she wanted to set me up with her grandmother.

I called the girl on a date and she agreed. I met her and we went to the cinema... where she arranged to meet five of her friends. who sat between us.

I was on a date with a guy who, during an awkward silence, said: “Well, let's drink!”. We “well, drank” 300 times.

On my first date with my now wife, she walked into a restaurant and started walking all over the place because she forgot what I looked like. I ended up waving to her after she walked around there in circles for five minutes.

In the middle of dinner, he said: "I don't want to deceive you, I thought you were your sister."

Once I took a girl to the cinema. During the film, she kept looking back. It turned out that her father had been sitting behind us ALL of this time.

When I was in college, they set me up on a blind date. I was not in a very good mood, because a couple of hours before that I was fined. The day took a turn for the worse when the stranger I had an appointment with turned out to be the same policeman who had fined me.

I met a girl that I had a blind date with. At dinner, she did not utter a word, finished everything and left. Later, I saw a message on the phone that the one with whom I had an appointment would not be able to come ... Who did I have dinner with?

Women often tell men that it is very important to learn to listen. However, in the early stages of communication, it is much more important to learn how to tell. After all, you need to demonstrate that you are worth it for a new acquaintance to spend the evening in a conversation with you.

There is a proven tool for this - stories from your life. Rather than tell a woman about your best qualities and most charming flaws, tell stories that can demonstrate them. It will also save you from having to ask the woman you just met the standard questions about where she is from and what she does. In addition, with the help of interesting stories, you can not only capture the attention of an entire group of people, but also inspire them to tell a response.

You may already be a great storyteller, capturing everyone's attention at countless dinner parties with a story about how you broke into a pharmacy one morning in Cairo to get an aspirin for your girlfriend. Your happiness.

But perhaps you're not that talkative, or you can't immediately think of a suitable story, or you can't hold your audience's attention for long enough. I have heard many men complain that their lives are uninteresting and that nothing particularly funny or worthwhile has happened to them. It's just another prejudice. It doesn’t matter at all that the city you live in is small, that you haven’t traveled much or are very young, that your family is like others. You have stories to tell. You just need to find them.

So think about the remarkable moments of your life. About the most important events that shaped you as a person, or about funny trivial stories that you would be happy to share.

It could be:

• an ironic and very frank story about how one day you and your girlfriend went to relationship counseling, and the therapist kicked her out of the office;
• an impressive and captivating story about how one day you were scuba diving and your regulator broke while a school of barracudas circled around;
• an intimate and poignant story about how one day a married woman sitting next to you on a plane tried to persuade you to have sex in the toilet;
• a naive and touching story about how one day your hamster died, and you thought that he was sleeping for seven days;
• a short and poetic story about how one day you ate a steak and suddenly comprehended the meaning of life;
• a scary and heroic story about how you once saved a girl from a guy who threatened to beat her right outside a club in Rio;
• a spontaneous and confused account of what happened just a few minutes ago: a girl you didn't know approached you and asked if you could bring her sister home;
• whatever you want to happen, as long as it does not cause negative emotions in the listeners and does not speak of any of your negative qualities, such as misanthropy, stinginess, dissatisfaction with life, bias, malice or perversion.

Now think about childhood, family life, school years, work, travel, holidays and love relationships, everything from your first memories to what you did last night. Select 7-8 personal stories from these memories and give them intriguing titles like "The Incredible Hamburger Case" or "The Story of the Unwaking Hamster."

Keep in mind that the perfect story is not about boasting or overcompensating. It should reflect both your strengths and vulnerabilities and be delivered in an honest, humble, humorous and engaging manner.

Take out a piece of paper, take out a diary, or open a new file on your computer. Write down your stories in detail. You can write whatever you like, just do not invent anything, as this will turn against you. Here are some short recommendations:

• A bright tie is required. Your story needs to make a good impression right from the start, and the best way to do this is to write your first sentence short, witty, and clear. This may be the conclusion that follows directly from the conversation: "Oh yes, it's like they once made me eat a rotten shark in Iceland." It can be a compelling question that immediately captures the attention of the listeners: “Have you ever had to eat a rotten shark?” Or it could just be an intriguing clue: "The strangest thing I've ever done in my life happened in Iceland..."
• A good ending is needed. If the story ends unexpectedly, revealing the mystery presented earlier, or with a non-standard climax, or wrapping everything said into a simple and understandable lesson, this is ideal. Otherwise, make the last sentence make the audience laugh, admire, shock, delight, disbelief, or any other strong positive emotion. You can also ask a question to elicit cues or similar stories in response.
• Add intrigue. If the listeners know that something is going to happen next minute, but don't know what it will be, or how it will happen, tense attention ensues. Throughout the story, your audience should understand which direction the action is taking, or at least that it is moving in a certain direction. But she must not know how you are going to get there.
• Include bright details. When telling a story, replay the events you are describing in your mind. Close your eyes if that helps you. Remember the sights, sounds, smells and sensations. The more details in your story, the more it will capture the audience.
• Add humor. Watch performances by good stage comedians. You'll notice that between the opening and the climax, they squeeze in a few extra jokes, plus they add a number of key lines after the climax for more laughs. Look for in-betweens where you could add humor to your story. Useful techniques include: humorous remarks about self, others, and human behavior in general; comic exaggerations; references to previously said jokes and sayings that are the exact opposite of what listeners expect.
• Add value. When illustrating the positive traits of your character, you can brag. But there is a right way to do it, and there is a wrong way. The wrong way is when you declare the following sentence: "I just bought a new car." The correct way is when you mention the same fact as a random detail to help paint the big picture: "Well, I'm driving home and I have to open the window because the smell of a new car just suffocates me."
• Cut off the fat. When you're done, reread your story. Make sure that it is easy to understand, does not contain unnecessary details and unnecessary information. Ruthlessly remove anything that doesn't add value to the story. You may need to tell this story to several people to make sure it is well written.
• Eliminate cursing. Make sure that the story is for entertainment and enjoyment, or to engage the listeners in a conversation. It should not serve to "sell" you or your accomplishments. One way to eliminate the search for recognition from others is to pay attention to all the occurrences of the word "I" in various cases. Remove the "cell" wherever it can be removed without damaging the story itself.
• Check the final length. Your story should be at least 30 seconds long and no more than two minutes long (that's about seventy-five to three hundred words on paper). If it's shorter, add intrigue and humor. If longer, cut off more fat.

Once both of your stories are in place, shrink them down to the elements of the main script and highlight them in each main position. If you were, for example, retelling Star Wars, then the main positions would be the following: the boy lives with his aunt and uncle, buys two droids, discovers a secret message, etc. Unlike Star Wars, your story should have three to six main positions. Even though you're going to be telling the whole story, all you need to remember are the main points. Then your story will not seem pre-prepared, and you will be able to more freely dispose of the length of the story - depending on the degree of interest of your audience.

It's time to learn how to tell your stories.

The best way to grab the listener's attention is to speak passionately. When talking about your life, be inspired, live your own experience passionately, and believe in every word you speak. Whenever you repeat your story, it should feel to your listeners as if you were telling it for the first time: with all the bewilderment, or excitement, or surprise that you felt when you experienced it.

Record your stories on a voice recorder. You must speak loudly, slowly, clearly and dynamically. To further grab the attention of your listeners, emphasize key words and insert pauses to create intrigue or humor. Experiment with accenting different words and placing pauses in unexpected places to change the pace of the story.

Once you are satisfied with your own recitation, find a place in each story (roughly in the middle) where the listeners should be given an opportunity to intervene. This will help keep their attention. In most cases, you can use questions to the audience: has anything like this happened to them, how do they feel about what they heard, can they revive your memory with any fact.

For example, if you're telling a story that took place at a pizzeria, you might give listeners the opportunity to intervene by asking, “Have you been there? Ah, well, you know what I'm talking about." If the event took place at an airport, you might ask, “It was like that movie where Tom Hanks plays the guy stuck at the airport. What was his name?

If you want to take your performance to the next level, build up the suspense by using unexpected pauses at the climax of the plot. You can take a sip from a cup, put a mint in your mouth, or light a cigarette.

[ It seems to be nothing complicated: remember interesting facts from your life, write them down, practice speech, conduct test recitations on friends and acquaintances, correct the text, make an audio recording, listen, edit again, watch speeches by famous speakers, play with your voice ... But even chatty from nature guys turn into silent on a date with a beautiful girl. They blush, get lost, considering their life uninteresting, and their stories unworthy of tender female ears. If you don’t want cute creatures to turn their noses away from you, but want them to feel sympathy for you from the first seconds of meeting you, then you will learn this in real conditions at the Dating Academy’s practical pickup training using special equipment. ]

When you have a good audio recording of the stories, go back to the piece of paper or computer file where you originally recorded them and update the stories. Add listener interventions, pauses, and other "decorations" that you came up with while you were working on your story.

Stand in front of a mirror or sit in front of a video camera. See how you tell your stories.

The key to a good presentation is expression. Facial expressions, gestures, body language, energy level - all these tools can tell a story as well as the words themselves. Experiment during the story with an emphasis on different thoughts and emotions, using specific gestures and movements. Try changing your body language and tone of voice when quoting other people. And you can freely use any props found nearby: a cell phone, a cocktail straw, or whatever comes to hand.

However, it is important not to overdo it here. The more elegant your gestures and affectation, the more believable they will look. Do not be hyperactive, do not replace gestures with convulsions. And make sure that the girl's interest is constantly directed in your direction, allowing her to contribute to the performance when she wants to. Don't bombard it with a flood of unrelated stories. It can turn you from a communication specialist into a hyper-communicative terrorist.

There is one final element of performance that you cannot practice in front of a mirror: unpredictability. Anyone familiar with the stage will tell you that no matter how much you rehearse your role, everything changes when you are in the spotlight.

So when you are in front of the audience, do not think about how to correctly make every gesture and say every phrase. Just don't miss any highlight of the story. And if people ask questions, interrupt you, or suddenly start telling their own stories, don't be nervous. This is a good sign. It means they pay attention to you.

If the conversation changes course, don't insist on continuing your story until you're asked how it ended. You can always have the end of the story ready for later in the evening to fill in an awkward pause in the conversation. Don't forget that the purpose of a story is not to reach its end, but to further demonstrate your magnetic personality.

On the other hand, do not put up with rude behavior. Comedians deal with nasty lines from the audience all the time. Have a few phrases ready to deal with this problem. My friend, for example, always joked: "This is the end of the concert," whenever someone went into faux pas.

Feel free to improvise. By telling stories, you can insert new details, jokes, and opportunities for intervention. After each successful story, go back to your master story file and write down anything you would like to add, change, or remove to improve the stories. If any of the stories can't hold girls' attention, replace it with another one from your list.

And congratulate yourself. Storytelling is one of the oldest arts of civilization, and you are now part of that ancient tradition.