Can love be returned? Is it possible to glue a broken cup to smithereens? Is it possible to step into the same river twice without serious consequences? Should I look back? And what if, contrary to all known truths, you have already looked back? If not just looked back, but turned to face the past? If you started a conversation with him? If all thoughts are only about how it all happened? How could it happen that we are no longer together? After all, then it seemed that we were a single whole. Those same notorious halves who were able to recognize each other in the cycle of gray everyday life. And how many memories torment the soul, if only they were given the opportunity to break out!
One day he began to get ready for work on Saturday, a natural day off. It seemed strange to me, but there's nothing to be done, it's necessary. All day I was tormented by doubts, then I began to write caustic SMS. Without hesitation, he replied: "Fool, I'm at work, bodies ******!" And this name-calling was dearer to me than any gifts!
How many happy moments! The most real, sincere, colorful days! When, without a shadow of a doubt, the question "Do I love?" ready answer: "YES!". When you feel happiness with your whole body, with your whole being. You wake up in the morning and stare at his cute features for a long time. You constantly think about him, you are jealous of him to the point of madness, and then, at night, you thank God for meeting him ...
We quarreled with him, I don’t remember why, but we quarreled seriously. It was too late. I was heading home. I wanted to show how hurt and hurt I am. I stood at the door, and he called to sleep. I asked: "Why?", "For happiness," was his answer. That evening, I left anyway. I was walking home, there was a strong wind and the snow hit right in my face. Everything, even nature, brought me back to him. The tears on her cheeks instantly dried up in the cold and turned into ice floes. Came home. So quiet, empty and unbearable. I called him and asked him to come. And he came.
It happens that a man says a lot of beautiful words, but they are so empty and insignificant. And it happens that a man is silent, but this silence is more eloquent than any confessions. The man from my past was like that. He never once said how much he loves me, how he misses me, how he is waiting for me. But every day, day after day, he was there: in wealth, and in poverty, and in sickness, and in health. And isn't that the most important thing in life? I was not married to him, we met for only a year and a half. We did not even live together, but went to visit each other. But how much warmth, kindness, comfort and love he gave me.
And then we broke up. They broke up due to my fault. I got together with the father of my three-year-old son at the time and managed to get pregnant from him for the second time, while my true man was on vacation. Let women understand me, why I resumed communication with the father of the child, why I wanted to keep the unborn baby and marry the father of my children without even loving him.
How stupid it was to deceive yourself. I could not even live for several days with an unloved, disgusting person. I came to my mother and cried all evening, until I no longer had to drag myself home. There I locked myself in the bath and washed for hours, and then ran from the room to the kitchen. As if you can just run away from the unloved. At one point, I just realized that I couldn’t and didn’t want to live like this anymore. Overnight, I kicked out an unbearable roommate. All the time while I was solving my problems, my man was patiently waiting. The day I ended my relationship with the child's father, my man came to my house and helped me clean up. He saw other people's things and, for sure, it was unpleasant for him. But he did not show it, he just fed me, cleaned and calmed me down. I had an abortion. I could not pass off this baby as the child of my man, in any way. Yes, and to lie to him to such an extent, I could not and never could. He didn't know anything about it. But he was there when I was so bad and so scared that a variety of thoughts came into my head. He was there at night when I thought that if something happened to me, then he could at least do something, and I would not be alone.
I don't know, maybe he was on to something. Perhaps someone told him then or later. But I couldn't tell him the whole truth. Maybe in vain. I could not trample on his male pride and tell about how "faithful" I was in his absence. I couldn't forgive myself for that.
Together we went through this crisis moment in my rather life. But they couldn't continue. Why? I really wanted certainty in my life. I wanted to hear from him how much he needs me!! But I never waited for these words ... He said that he did not feel passion for me and was not attracted to me. That if I find someone better, I can safely try to build a relationship with him. My heart was broken! After all, it was for him, for the sake of our love, that I sacrificed my family. I sacrificed my second unborn child, father, husband and part of myself along with them ...
In the end, he could not withstand my onslaught. He started coming home late or not coming home at all, and he was right! After all, I was so cruel to him. After another quarrel, he simply decided that he had had enough. He, like a real man, he started and ended our relationship with him.
More than a year has passed since those bloody events. Only now have I been able to look back and face the past. And what did I see in them? I saw my happiness: trampled, torn and dead. And if there were living water in the world, capable of reviving the little that was left in the soul of this man, I would give a lot for the salvation of my soul.
P.S.: Thank you, dear, for this happy time.
And forgive, if you can, for everything!
Fatal Beauty
Going through difficult periods in a relationship, many married couples wonder if they can return their former love? Unfortunately, some do not see a way out and consider divorce as the only true and inevitable solution. Others decide to just live apart for a few days or weeks and that may help, but if the separation lasts too long it only hurts.
In difficult periods of a relationship, one of the spouses may find another person more desirable, new and attractive, so that at least for the first time, while there is a feeling of novelty, they will forget about marital vows. In addition, at such a time of a black streak for the family, a person can even justify his infidelity and blame the circumstances or even his spouse for everything.
Most divorces are the result of human selfishness, an attempt to find an immediate solution to a problem, a desire to fix everything without making one's own efforts and without recognizing one's responsibility and guilt.
But if the former love has already passed, is there any hope to save the marriage?
The answer is unequivocal: yes! Even if there was treason and betrayal? Yes. Divorce is necessary when there has been emotional and physical abuse in the marriage. But even with serious problems, some couples can build relationships. And everyone has difficulties. The question is how people cope with them, how much they know how to forgive.
The solution to the problem begins with the fact that both stop the war. They understand that in order to return love, they must stop fighting and declare a truce. They should treat each other with love, not showdown. They have to make a promise to each other to be together and get through everything together, even when it's hard, even when they get mad at each other. Love should be their daily choice.
But sometimes love is like an ocean at low tide, when strong feelings just leave you. But remember that high tide follows low tide. A wedding vow to be together in sorrow and joy, in sickness and in health is the main reason to forgive, be together and work on relationships. Motivation is enhanced when there are children. Love is important, but the vows people make to each other remind them of its importance.
In addition, studies show that divorce does not eliminate its cause, and it is carried over to the next marriage. Divorce statistics show that they happen more often in remarriages, because people have not removed the reason that happens in themselves, or simply in their unwillingness to work on relationships. So returning love can be easier and better for both than divorce, which is much more painful to endure.
"Do you love me?" - three simple words that are most often pronounced based on something more than a one-syllable answer. Behind this question may be disappointment, doubt, dissatisfaction with relationships and brewing problems.
"Do you love me?" - once again the girl asks her lover. Three simple words that are spoken most often for something more than a one-syllable answer. Behind this question may be disappointment, doubt, dissatisfaction with relationships and brewing problems.
"Well, of course!" he answers. And in his voice slip notes of doubt, irritation, fatigue. Said to brush it off. Or maybe this phrase is the beginning of the end? The last lie for good? How to return the love of a guy and is it possible to return the love of a husband - while your common "fire" has not completely died out yet?
If there is an imbalance in the relationship, if you feel how love is leaving your couple, you should not act on a whim, otherwise mistakes cannot be avoided. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to understand how to maintain relationships with your loved one, protect yourself from disappointments and.
WHY DOES LOVE INEVITABLY FADE OUT?
Love is fleeting - this rule is tested daily in practice by thousands and millions of couples in whose relationships. Such transformations are notable for their denouement: someone is forced to part because of the fading of feelings, and someone finds the strength to overcome difficulties and finds a way to return the former brightness and passion to the relationship with her husband or boyfriend.
How to return love to a relationship in which it has almost died out?
We used to think that the existence of a couple justifies only love. But in order for the union to live longer, it is worth changing your outlook on this feeling.
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»The easiest way to return the feelings that once made you choose this particular person as your life partner is to return to the past. Your memories and feelings will help you with this. What you experienced when he first took your hand, asked you out on a date, kissed you - all these feelings and circumstances serve as so-called psychological "anchors".
It can be tunes that you both loved, restaurants or public gardens where your first dates took place. Do not set yourself the task of resurrecting everything, try to observe what feelings you are experiencing now in the same circumstances. While looking at pictures of your first New Year or vacation together, stay together, tell each other how you feel and think about what you both miss.
With all the flaws and annoying habits. We know that there are no people without minuses. At first we do not notice them, because being in love blinds. But everyday life gradually opens its eyes and turns cute features into the horrors of being together. Much has long ceased to cause tides of tenderness, and over time it is more and more difficult to put up with something.
At first, we see only the good and love for it. However, those relationships that cannot be destroyed also develop happily because in them we know about the bad and accept it. How to do it? First, talk about it. Do not offend your partner, explain that you value his feelings, are grateful for them, but there is something that can be changed for the better. This will allow him to show his love without causing discontent. The more compromises you find, the less irritation will remain in your pair. What to fight and what not to pay attention to - you must solve these issues together, without emotions and mutual accusations.
Walking into the past may not be enough. After all, the evening of memories will end, and you will have to return to everyday life. Life takes strength, and feelings fade. Years after they met, they begin to miss the feeling of novelty, which was so exciting and captivating at the beginning. In addition to memories of the past, you can come up with new traditions for your couple, creating pleasant events for both of you. the easiest way is to sit at home, at best you download a movie and watch it, sitting side by side.
But this will not resurrect the passion and those emotions that you want to experience again. Undoubtedly, any attempts to refresh relations, even perhaps not the most successful ones, are better than inaction. But it is more important to try to understand what you can give to each other here and now. The experience of breakups teaches us to appreciate what we have lost, and it is not only passion. After divorce, former spouses often regret such simple things as communication, care, and ordinary human warmth. Try to understand, without what in your partner you would be sad - this is what can become a solid foundation for a relationship of a new order. Stronger, more serious and stable.
Longing for past feelings, we remember ourselves as the people we were. Although in reality the dissatisfaction concerns today. It is not always possible to immediately understand how people in a couple have changed, but the important thing is that it was the relationship that made them different. If you had a different husband, you wouldn't be what you are now. Growing up and wisdom is a necessary stage for a full life, otherwise we would all remain naive and infantile boys and girls. Remember that your baggage is partly the merit of the one who is nearby.
How long have you been bored? We were looking forward to the meeting, as then, for the first time, and shuddered from the phone call. In the modern world, this is difficult: the Internet and a bunch of useful gadgets create the illusion of full-fledged communication and presence. But real separation can still be arranged. At least agree that you will not bother each other and bother your partner for a while. Talk to each other only when you actually have something to say. Be a little further apart from each other.
Together with the channel's experts, we figure out what to do if the relationship is in crisis.
When love comes, the world around becomes different. But when she disappears, everything loses its meaning. What used to bring joy - is not at all happy, what made you smile - has lost all meaning. It is hard to survive such a loss, so you should not rush to do it. A person always has a chance to correct what happened, not everything, but a lot of what happens in life. Therefore, instead of being sad and suffering, try to change what is happening and who knows if your love will return very soon.
When love leaves, leaving behind broken relationships and bewilderment, it is very difficult to accept this. After all, at the first sign of an approaching storm, it seems that everything is not so scary until it gets really bad. Because few people, having felt cooling from their beloved, even for a minute thought about what was happening. For some reason, many are convinced that it might have seemed to them and that it is not worth making an elephant out of a fly and it is better to wait out the storm than to seem stupid or insecure.
Even if the feelings really have ceased to be the same, you are sure that then everything will work out by itself, if you do not press and do not show in any way that it hurts. Of course, sometimes some representatives of the beautiful half of humanity tend to greatly exaggerate problems or create them from scratch. What is connected, first of all, with the desire to constantly feel admiration and passion, and secondly, with low self-esteem, to raise which, for some reason, they require men to declare their love every second and heaps of compliments. But it is precisely because of the fear of looking so ridiculous and intrusive in the eyes of the chosen one that many miss the moment when they had to seriously think about the fact that something is clearly wrong and use the chance to fix everything.
When the moment is missed, it is difficult to predict whether it will be possible to return love, because not infrequently there simply comes a moment when a person realizes that she left not for some specific reason, but time passed and it was all over. But still, in most situations, especially if they have a long-term relationship, the chances of reviving the former passion are very high.
Do not despair when the right moment is missed. With a strong desire and self-confidence, nothing is impossible. And for this, it is first very important to understand whether this person is really so dear to radically change the style of behavior and even the way of life. Is he worthy of such sacrifices and is it not better to let him go, making room in his heart for a meeting with someone who will appreciate and accept the way he is.
If you are sure that he is the one and indeed there is a share of your guilt that he left, then stop being sad and crying for the cause. Take courage, stock up on handkerchiefs to wipe your tears and, taking a blank sheet of paper, describe all the moments that you think led to the breakup. Remember all the quarrels and claims that were exchanged that he blamed you most often.
Even if you tried to get away from a showdown and closed in on yourself, remember that you told him such a thing that he began to feel uncomfortable and unpleasant. Look for major claims that have been exchanged with each other. They are the key to making things right. By looking better, you will not solve the problem. Strong relationships are built solely on mutual understanding. It is not enough to win and conquer the heart of a man, he still needs to be kept close.
Any beauty becomes familiar when you live with a person for many years. In the end, with age, it begins to disappear, but mutual understanding in happy couples becomes stronger and stronger. That is why people live together for so many years. But his absence becomes the cause of disappointment and rupture. Therefore, your task is not just to interest your loved one, but to let him know that you have changed for the better or have again become the one he once fell in love with.
If you doubt your abilities, you are tormented by fears that you will not cope, and you think that men leave when they have decided everything for themselves, think about this. It is much easier for you to revive feelings in him than for anyone else. You have known each other for a long time, you are united by a lot of memories, mostly good ones, otherwise, why would you want to return everything, and it’s easier to rekindle your former passion when there are coals left from it. It's like a fire. It is much easier to blow up recently extinguished coals than to start a fire on a bare spot.
Here, don't waste your time. Apologize to him for all the bad things you did: offended, rude, involuntarily called into question man's dignity, did not support him when needed. The main thing is that there is nothing to apologize for, but the process itself, the very desire to admit one's mistakes. You may not consider them as such, but he considers them as such. Just do not apologize, letting him know that he walked and that's enough, it's time to go back. Don't try to decide for him. Leave him the choice. Otherwise, he will perceive this as another encroachment on his freedom and an insincere attempt to get what you want from him.
In order for your apologies to come from the bottom of your heart, you should really understand why he considers certain actions or words to be wrong. You can't fix what you don't think is wrong. And accordingly, everything will return to normal again, and he knows about it. Therefore, he is in no hurry to return, if he even thinks about it.
You can not understand what is wrong, then ask him about it directly. A frank conversation has never bothered anyone. And in the future, discuss all the misunderstandings and quarrels on the same day they happened, so as not to accumulate negativity and not to drag along a train of claims that will again cover your couple.
Unfortunately, no one is immune from disappointments and losses, but this does not mean at all that you need to sit back and watch how the memories of your love become weaker and weaker. It is hard to lose something that is so precious and important. Remember, there is always a chance to return the lost. It’s not easy, and sometimes almost impossible, but when it’s what you really need, you will find the strength and ability to return love, no matter how hard it is along the way.
