How to explain to a child - where children come from ...
So this question came to us "on a visit". "Mom, where do children come from?"
My eldest recently turned seven, and three years ago another daughter was born and he saw how my stomach grew, how an ultrasound scan showed a fetus. In other words, I was aware that a child appears, or rather is born from a mother's tummy.
Now he had a quite reasonable question, "How did the baby end up in the stomach?"
We decided to buy a good book with him and read about it together. Which they did.
The book is on the table, or rather a children's encyclopedia, where there is a whole chapter on this issue. It seems to be written in simple language, the illustrations are good. After sleep, we'll probably start reading. Maybe not right away from this chapter, or maybe right away ...
And what, in fact, say?
Talk to your child about sex in a language appropriate for his age. At 3, 4 or 5 years old, when asked where the children come from, you can calmly answer: “From my mother’s tummy. The kids are safe and warm there, and they grow up under the mother's heart. " For the little ones, this will be enough.
To the question "How is a child born?" - answer: "The mother has a special hole in the lower abdomen, and through it, with the help of the doctor, the baby gets out into the light." - "I want to see!" - says the child. “This is impossible. Everyone has special places on their bodies that should not be shown to anyone. " By the way, right there it would be nice to ask if he knows exactly what these places are.
The next question: "How does the baby get into the mother's stomach?" Older children tend to ask about this. Answer: “A seed appears in the mother’s tummy, from which the baby grows. When mom and dad sleep together, they hug, and the seed from dad goes to mom. " At the age of 10-11, you can already explain exactly how this happens: “When mom and dad want to have a baby, because they love each other, they gently hug and kiss before falling asleep, and then the seed from dad's penis through the hole at the bottom of my mother’s abdomen, it gets inside her body. This is how a new life is born. "
And most importantly, no matter how many times your child asks you his innermost questions, always answer him calmly and confidently.
At school they will tell you everything ...
However, let's assume that your child is already 6 years old, and he has not asked you questions about sex yet and you have not observed interest in this problem. Maybe then you shouldn't touch on this slippery topic, believing that before the wedding he will be most of all interested in cartoons and a collection of candy wrappers from gum? After all, the school will have anatomy lessons ...
But your child still has 8 years of study before anatomy. And over the years they will tell him this ... And then the lesson is the lesson: this is just a statement of any knowledge in a scientific language. And who will tell your child about love, tenderness, elevation of feelings? Who will explain that, unlike animals, people are guided in intimate relationships not by instinct, but by feelings?
Therefore, at the age of 6, you need to provoke a conversation on this topic yourself. How? This is purely your creativity, for example, this option:
“It's so good that Dima and Sveta are finally married! They love each other so much. Soon Sveta will grow a belly, and then a little son or daughter will appear from there. Isn't that great? " Then the conversation will flow by itself, and you will gently push the child to a topic that will sooner or later interest him, as well as identify and correct his knowledge on this issue.
And if you don't tell?
During our childhood and adolescence, conversations between parents and children on such topics were somehow not accepted. Why? Because, excuse me for the banal quotation, "we didn't have sex." The family was, first of all, a unit of society. The great Soviet teacher Makarenko inspiredly advised: "... educating in a child honesty, sincerity, directness, the habit of cleanliness, the habit of telling the truth to another person, his feelings and interests, love for his homeland ... we thereby educate him sexually." Undoubtedly, sex education is not only talking about the intimate side of life, but if all this morality were introduced against the background of at least some kind of sexual awareness!
And the age characteristics of growing organisms demanded truth, and children achieved it in one way or another. What can a child get on his own?
Elena S., 39 years old, says:
“Mom raised me alone. When I asked where the children come from, she replied that a woman buys a pill from a pharmacy, drinks it, and after a while they cut her belly and take out a boy or a girl from there. At the same time, she showed me her seam on her stomach. And I believed this for a long time and stubbornly! Then at school (it was in the 5th grade), at recess, we suddenly began to discuss this topic with the girls. And what was my surprise when one of them said that the children are crawling out (!) "From there." I did not believe it. In the summer I went to a pioneer camp. just killed! I could not imagine this! But then one girl denied everything, saying that in order to get pregnant, it is enough for a man and a woman to put on panties over their size for the night, and that's all! So we decided that when we will be adults, we will use this method ... "
So, by trial and error, by looking at the atlas of anatomy, reading extremely rare books about sex and their own instinct, youth with grief in half at all times understood the mystery of gender issues. Of course, of course, our children too. But, so that their head does not get clogged with a jumble of misinformation received from the lips of friends and films, it is better to help them. Because only you can explain to your child that the mystery of the origin of human life is wonderful. That all life is built on love. And that there are issues that are better discussed not in a friendly circle, but with you, parents. Because you gave birth to him himself, which means that you have Experience and will be able to reliably tell about everything ...
Anna Ishina, neuropsychologist
Alexandra Soboleva, teacher
Magazine "Motherhood", November 1999
7 mistakes to avoid:
1. Refusal to answer.
Even if the baby's questions confuse you, you should not shy away from answering. Take time out, think over your explanations, consult with a psychologist, or get a related children's encyclopedia. The child should not feel guilty and left alone with his questions. His curiosity is completely natural and connected with development, the need to know the world and himself in this world.
2. Read articles from the medical encyclopedia to the child.
You should not throw a child with scientific terms and imagine the whole process as purely mechanical. In medical reference books there is not a word about feelings, desires, emotions, pleasure. Children do not at all expect such exhaustive, dry and complex explanations from you. The child needs to get an answer in a simple and accessible form, formulated especially for him, to hear your words, and not an impersonal text.
3. The child is educated by the parent of the opposite sex.
When a child asks questions about sexuality, it is best to be answered by a parent of the same gender. If this is not possible, it may be a confidant of his gender. Why? When a child begins to realize his gender, then, as a rule, girls identify themselves with their mother, and boys with their father. This mechanism helps children in the future to correctly position themselves in society as a man or a woman. And it will be much more convenient for a child, especially when he gets older, to address intimate questions to a parent of the same sex.
4. Do not explain anything if the child does not ask questions.
A child may not talk about a sexual topic, not because he is not interested. On the contrary, his interest may be too strong and disturbing, he may experience embarrassment, which prevents him from asking questions that are of concern to him. Often a child does not ask questions when adults feel reluctant to talk to him about such serious topics. It is important to remember that a 3-5 year old child needs to be spoken to about life, love and death.
5. Forcing events.
It is undesirable to tell the child that he is not yet ready to perceive and understand. Before two years old, you do not need to start talking about sex life. This is the age for other questions, because the child is just beginning to navigate the world and human relationships.
6. To touch on too complex and serious topics.
Talking about the birth of a child, you should not describe the details and talk about the pain and difficulties associated with childbirth. There is no need to explain to the child what a cesarean section is. Also, you do not need to delve into what is associated with intercourse: erection, posture, etc. It will be enough for your child to know that he was born because mom and dad fell in love with each other, and that the doctor helped mom during childbirth.
7. Avoiding topics of sexual violence.
It is absolutely necessary to warn the child about possible dangers, of course, without scary details and intimidation. The child should know that one cannot go anywhere with strangers, even if they are affectionate with him and offer sweets. It is imperative to tell the baby that his body belongs only to him and no one has the right to touch him. Tell your child that if someone touched him, it should not be a secret, you should definitely tell your parents about it.
Where do children come from in different parts of the world? A little humor ...
A kangaroo brings children to Australians in a bag.
Americans find children with the help of UN inspectors.
The British believe that the children are brought by the Postman of Her Royal Majesty's Postal Service. According to legend, the postman brings the child with the morning papers. The prescribed number of postage stamps (according to the weight of the child) is pasted on the child's forehead, and it is also written - from whom the child is and to whom. The postman slips the child under the door, and if the child does not crawl, then the Postman rings the doorbell and quickly, but with dignity, leaves.
In China, it is believed that children are brought by the wind (draft), so the Chinese do their best to fight against drafts - they close windows and doors when they make love.
The Dutch are sure that smoked men bring children.
An eagle brings Georgian children.
Pedantic Germans find children in a specially designated place - the Children's Search Center.
Russian tourists find children in Deti-fries stores.
The Party and the Government bring children to North Koreans.
Ural residents find children in blast furnaces. At the time of its birth, such a bare pellet is already hardened and is not afraid of the harsh conditions of a melallurgical plant. A happy father brings the child home with a bottle of vodka, which appears almost simultaneously with childbirth.
The French make children themselves.
Gypsies usually find children in their many skirts. It is believed that the more skirts a gypsy wears, the more children can be found in them. Numerous monistas, long earrings and other trinkets are worn by gypsies in order not to hear how hungry children scream.
Chukchi children are naturally found in reindeer moss. Usually these are undersized, almost dwarf creatures with slanting eyes, wearing malitsa and mittens. But sometimes the Chukchi find other children - tall, blue-eyed and with a beard. It is believed that such children are brought by the Geologist.
The Swiss find children in safes.
South African people are mined in deep mines. Most of the children caught in the depths are black and rough, and for such a child to turn out to be a brilliant black diplomat or a sleek black millionaire, many years of work of white cutters are required.
The Japanese believe that children are made in a factory. Sometimes they are right, but more often they are wrong.
Usually, interest in the history of their appearance in children appears at the age of "why", that is, about 3-4 years. Until this age, even looking at their infant photographs, the child usually does not ask the question "Where did I come from?" This interest is completely normal, but for a long time this topic was hushed up, and the children were “brushed aside” by the well-known clichés: “found in cabbage”, “brought by a stork”.
Modern psychologists argue that fictional stories about the appearance of a child in a family (“found in cabbage”, “brought by a stork”) greatly undermine the child's trust in parents, because someday the child will still find out the truth and will be grieved by the parental slyness.
When explaining to a child where children come from, one must speak truthfully, but this truth must be adapted to the age of an inquisitive person. The older the child, the more questions about "this" he has. Parents should prepare for such questions in advance so that they do not catch mom or dad by surprise and do not make the child doubt the sincerity of adults.
At the age of about 3 years, the child begins to feel like a person and for the first time identifies himself with representatives of one of the sexes - boys or girls. In this regard, there is an interest in the structure of the body, and children notice not only the differences between boys and girls, but also pay attention to the characteristics of the body of adults. In this regard, questions regarding the purpose of the genitals, their differences (if, for example, a child on the beach saw a baby of the opposite sex) may become the harbingers of questions about childbirth. A meeting with a pregnant woman can give rise to many questions, because a belly of outstanding size will not go unnoticed. Even more often, conversations about birth begin after the baby has a chance to see or get to know the baby closely. Some children may ask the direct question "Where did I come from?" Wherever the wind of the child's interest “blows”, the task of the parents is to answer the child honestly and easily.
At 3-4 years old, it is not at all necessary to go into the physiological mechanisms of conception, gestation and childbirth. You can limit yourself to the story that dad and mom love each other very much and really wanted a baby. As a sign of his love, dad gave mom a magic seed, which she carried in her tummy. The seed grew, and with it my mother's tummy. A baby grew out of this seed in the tummy. When he felt cramped in his house, he asked for the light and was born. Together with the story, you can show the child photos from the family album, because many couples make a memorable photo session while waiting for the baby.
When talking with a baby about his birth, it is important to emphasize that the baby was very much awaited, and that he was born as a result of great love.
In older preschool age, the old explanations cease to satisfy the baby. The child grows up, begins to think more difficult, acquires a certain life experience, and he is already beginning to be interested in how the seed got into the mother's stomach, how the child appeared from there, and other things. In terms of psychological development, the age of 5-7 years is the time when a child masters the world of relationships and feelings, in this regard, at this age, for the first time, he discovers the world of adult relationships, including intimate ones, because it is not always possible to completely protect the child from explicit scenes on the Internet or on TV.
By and large, at the age of 5-7 years, parents will have to talk to their child about sex for the first time. It is necessary to speak on this topic in the following way: sex is normal and natural, but only adults are engaged in this. That is, on the one hand, it is important not to form a taboo on this topic in the child's mind, and on the other, to make it clear that intimate relationships are the prerogative of adults, they do not put it up for public discussion and do not advertise it.
You can talk about how when people love each other - they like to be together, touching each other, hugging, kissing. It is in the process of such caresses that pregnancy occurs. Telling in detail about the process of childbirth is also not worth it. We can say that the child is born in the hospital, with the help of doctors.
Considering how many children in the modern world become victims of pedophiles, it is worth telling a child separately that only adult men and women make love. Therefore, if one of the adults invites him to undress or asks to touch him in intimate places, the child should immediately run away and be sure to tell his parents.
There is a special iPad app that allows parents to explain to their child where children come from. With the help of the application, you can quite simply and easily answer your kid's questions.
(clickable) Developer Studiya 158 OOO Link
We are talking about pre-adolescent children. Today they are still children, but just about they will begin to turn from boys and girls into girls and boys. As a rule, at this age, children are already sufficiently knowledgeable in matters of sex and childbirth, but this knowledge is often very distorted.
The main task of parents during this period is to prepare their growing children for growing up and the changes that will occur to them in the near future. Girls should definitely be told about menstruation, the appearance of pubic and underarm hairs, and breast growth. For boys - about changing the proportions of the figure, nocturnal emissions, "breaking" of the voice and the appearance of facial hair. It is better to talk with a child to a parent of the same sex, that is, mothers - with girls, fathers - with boys.
For parents, such conversations can be a problem. Often, moms and dads are more embarrassed to talk about these topics than children. Perhaps it will be best if informing the child happens as if between things. You should not solemnly announce: “I need to talk to you”, sit the child in front of you and read a boring lecture. From time to time, under various pretexts, you can start conversations, talk about your growing up experiences, ask about friends and girlfriends. It is also not worth overloading the child with information and complex terms, it is better to give it out in doses, give the child time to comprehend and, possibly, formulate his questions.
An encyclopedia is a convenient option for parents: give it and let it read. It's better not to let the process take its course and, if not tell, then at least discuss what you read with the child.
Maintaining a trusting relationship with a teenager is a whole art, because at this age the authority of adults is devalued. However, without trust, conversations on a sensitive topic are impossible.
Teenagers are actively interested in the opposite sex, fall in love, meet. In some ways they are still children, but physiologically they are already ready to lead an "adult" life. " That is why in the first place there should be conversations not about hygiene or body changes, but about family planning, conception, pregnancy, contraception.
As in matters of preparation for growing up, in conversations with adolescents, a free atmosphere, a state of dialogue is important, and not "dry" lectures. It is better to talk “about it” on an equal footing, like an adult with an adult, calling things by their proper names and talking about real dangers. Speaking about relationships with the opposite sex and the possibility of having a child, it is important to emphasize that a child is, first of all, a great responsibility, therefore it is better if he is born consciously, in marriage, when both are ready to create a family and share responsibility ...
Parents of adolescents are always alarmed: what if the child will have an early sex life? What if there will be an unwanted pregnancy or infection? Unfortunately, in some families, sex education for a child is reduced to "I will know - I will kill". Even more regretfully, in this situation, the parents have every chance of not knowing. That is why if a child shares something personal, you should not criticize, scold, condemn him.
The older the child, the more difficult questions are born in his head. For each of them, he wants to get an answer, and if not in the family, then on the street or on the Internet, these answers will be found. If the child, for some reason, does not ask questions and does not show interest in a sensitive topic, parents should take the initiative into their own hands and start conversations first. The better a child is "armed" with information, the more he will be ready for adulthood.
We also read:
Children want to know everything in the world:
More about the book
This is a voiced children's book made for the iPad Kinderbook app. In a language accessible to children and in a playful way, the authors describe the technical details of the relationship between a man and a woman, as a result of which children appear.
If you don't want to talk about cabbage and storks, this educational cartoon will tell you about the inner world of a person. Simple and accessible, the child learns how a new life is born, why children are like their parents, and even a little about DNA and RNA.
The little man grows and learns the world with interest. Parents hear a thousand questions from him and are very happy with his curiosity. Until one day this question is asked: "Where do children come from?"
You may think of yourself as an arbitrarily progressive adult, but a question like this as asked by your child is likely to make you pause. What to answer? How to say? And is it necessary at all?
Modern psychologists and educators have developed a common opinion on this matter - it is necessary to tell. And not about storks, but about what really is. The baby should receive truthful information from the parents about the world, about how he was born, and about sex, as well.
When should you start talking to your child about sex education? In fact, the answer to this question is extremely simple - when he asks about it. Only you need to submit information exactly at the level at which your son or daughter is ready to perceive it.
So, a very small baby can be told that in the mother's tummy there is a special cell that connects with father's. There is no need to use technical terms or disclose details.
At about the age of 3, children begin to learn about their gender. Around this age, the first questions "about this" appear. Although, most likely, it seems to the parents that there is something indecent in the question, the child simply learns the world.
But if you begin to evade an answer or express some strong emotions, then the topic will become painful and arousing excessive interest.
It does not happen that a child before adolescence is left out of the knowledge about this part of "adult" life. Information, especially in our time, is presented from all sides.
Do you want your baby to learn about the mystery of love, about the birth of children from children in the yard or from a computer screen?
In order for a person's sexual life to develop successfully, it is important that he has developed a correct, adequate attitude to issues of sex and sexual relations. It is in your hands to give balanced, correct answers to your son or daughter.
In addition, are you not afraid that the child may simply receive incorrect information? How many unwanted pregnancies were caused by the youthful legend that “you won’t get pregnant the first time”! So it's best to talk about everything on time.
It is not necessary to forcibly convey information, but if the baby has grown to grade 1, and the question "Where did I come from?" has not yet been voiced, it is better to take the initiative into your own hands. Maybe he is shy. Or has already received information from other sources. Better to talk - you may need to adjust something.
While it is never too early to talk about gender issues, it is very important that the conversation is conducted in a way that is appropriate for your child's age.
Young children can be told everything in a simplified way and with a minimum of detail. The baby will grow up, and his knowledge in this area will grow and expand.
Advice: Never forget about the anecdote in which the mother told what an abortion is, and the daughter meant the phrase from the song "... and beat against the side of the ship." Sometimes a banana is just a banana.
If a three-year-old child asks you how he was born, answer only the question posed. No need to talk about sex and other joys.
Variations in the answer will tell that a little baby is waiting for a meeting with the family in the mother's stomach, and then, when he grows up, he comes out into the light through a special door. This is quite enough for children 3-4 years old.
At the age of 6, kids begin to ask not only where the children come from, but also how they get there. This is where most parents start to stutter. And in vain. Tell it as it is. But at the level of a six-year-old.
Something about the fact that when mom and dad love each other, they hug and kiss, and daddy's cell connects with mom's. And further in the text - that a baby is growing in the mother's tummy.
The next round of questions arises, as a rule, a little later - at the age of 8-9. Explaining to a child where children come from is no longer so easy, because a deeper disclosure of the topic is extremely embarrassing for parents.
If earlier questions of physiology and differences between men and women were not discussed, now is the time. At this age, it is easier to talk using medical terms: vagina, penis. By the way, this approach is often more convenient for adults as well, since the topic moves into a scientific mainstream.
"Big conversation" at this age is convenient to combine with viewing children's encyclopedias with images of a person's device or specialized books for children on this topic.
Such children's books can be of great service to moms and dads, as they describe difficult issues just in accordance with children's age.
Another rule: Don't go into unnecessary details. The child does not yet perceive the entire system as a whole. He builds his knowledge base by analogy with a tree. Each new information becomes one more branch of the “tree of knowledge”.
Excessive information will confuse the baby and may even scare him. Enter as a rule - answer only a specific question. As a rule, a portion of information received by a child requires reflection. A little later he will come for the next answer.
The next important point is adolescence. Physiological changes in the body can cause psychological stress. Therefore, children need to be told in advance about what is happening to them.
Be sure to talk about menstruation and wet dreams. Think, maybe it makes sense to describe to the son the changes in the girl's body, and to tell the daughter about what is happening with the young men so that they have the correct impression about the growing peers.
From here, the conversation can smoothly move on to the topic where the children come from. Now that we have figured out why a boy needs a penis, it’s easy to understand how sperm enter the female uterus.
Of course yes. However, there is a very thin line here, breaking which, you can lose the trust of a son or daughter. If they open up to you for conversation, try to avoid lectures and swearing.
Relationships with the opposite sex are a delicate topic, try to keep in touch with your child.
An interest in information about sex does not mean that a teenager will rush to engage in it. On the contrary, forewarned is forearmed. Talk about the need to protect against pregnancy and disease, that the best option at this age is condoms.
And do not forget to remind about love. Sex is the ultimate expression of feeling, not a way to satisfy your curiosity or give in to your partner.
If you find it difficult to find words, try to find suitable literature. Now you can find excellent books written for both young children and schoolchildren, telling "about this" in detail, but according to age.
The most important thing, teachers and psychologists believe, is to call things by their proper names. When naming body parts, do not come up with "faucets" and other allegories. A child treats his genitals the same way he treats an arm or a leg. Do not be embarrassed either.
When talking about having babies, focus on love and relationships. Indeed, precisely because mom and dad love each other, they have children.
Let your story look something like this:
“Loving people begin to live together. They have their own house, they do everything together. They enjoy hugging and kissing. After living a little together, they may want to have a child.
You already know that men and women are made differently. This is specially designed so that they can have children. Daddy's penis gives mom a little cage. Connecting with my mother, this cell performs real miracles. She makes a real child.
True, at first he is very small, and lives in his mother's belly until he grows up and gains strength. Then he comes out into the light through the hole in my mother's body. "
Of course, as the child gets older, the story begins to become overgrown with details. Remember - you don't need to run in front of the locomotive.
If you don't know how to say or are shy, promise to think it over and continue the conversation later. But don't put it off too long. If you promised "after dinner" and the child does not ask, remind yourself.
A story about cabbage and stork will not help your child. It is important for him to know that he was born with you.
It is very important to convey to the child that this is the main component of the relationship. In addition, this greatly simplifies your answer: "Mom and Dad love each other, hug, kiss and they have children."
Don't refer your child to a medical encyclopedia. If you need help find a book that is age-appropriate.
For young children, wonderful books have been written such as Where Did I Come From ?, for those who graduate from school, the Sexual Encyclopedia for Teenagers is more suitable. These books always indicate the recommended age of children.
It is important for children to talk about such topics with a loved one of the same gender as them. It is easier for a girl to come to her mother for advice, and for a boy to come to his father.
If you have a single-parent family, perhaps a relative or close acquaintance can talk to the child. If there is no such person - do not be discouraged. Dad can also explain to the girl about menarche or pregnancy, and mom can talk with her son about the first sex.
The hardest thing to start is such a conversation. It may be worth offering your child some of the above books first, or discussing the movie you watched.
Tell us where babies come from, but don't talk about painful childbirth or complications just yet. Everything has its time. As the baby grows up, the information, of course, will expand, but it's not worth dumping too much at once.
For example, if the question of pain does arise, we can say that doctors help the woman and the child. He makes sure that everything is fine with mom and baby. And despite the painful sensations, the birth of a child is a great joy and happiness.
From early childhood, your son or daughter should know that no one has the right to touch them without their consent. Lay the foundations for security now. There is no need to scare children with scary stories, but it is imperative to inform them that there are things that cannot be done.
Stick to the middle ground. It is necessary to tell the child where children come from, but to impose information about the technique of sex is not worth it.
Try to become your baby friend. If he is not afraid or shy of you, you can discuss any issues.
From a certain age, children always begin to wonder how they were born, ask questions about birth, and if parents are waiting for replenishment, then it will definitely not be possible to avoid these questions. How do you tell a child where children come from? And is it worth inventing fairy tales about stork and cabbage?
Instagram @babyphotoawards
We offer parents a selection of 12 films and books on the topic “where children come from”, which will become your assistant in a difficult dialogue with the baby, “why”!
Books "How I Was Born"
Age: 4-6 years old
The author of the book, Katerina Janush, has 5 children, whose questions often puzzled her. It was for them that she created her book "How I Was Born", which became popular due to the writer's experience in the psychology of family relations.
The author not only in an accessible language tells children about the physiological aspect of birth, but also about the psychological, and sometimes even philosophical. For example, the role of the pope and the emergence of new responsibilities after the birth of a child is examined in detail, and the topic of artificial insemination is also touched upon.
The illustrations in the publication are funny and caricatured, but not frank.
"Where the babies come from?"
Age: 4-7 years old
This book is ideal for those parents who are waiting for a new addition to the family and want to explain to an older child why a mother's tummy is growing. The book covers in detail all the topics that answer the awkward questions of the toddler.
A lot of material in the book is devoted specifically to the first months of a baby's life in the womb: what does the ultrasound machine do, what does the baby do in the belly. In addition, the older child learns from the book a few simple rules of etiquette, for example, that you cannot enter the parents' bedroom without knocking, and especially if it is closed.
The illustrations are very well designed: you can open various windows, including opening your belly and seeing the baby in the womb, or finding out what is the difference between the internal structure of a woman and a man.
“Where did I come from? Sexual Encyclopedia for Children "
Age: 5-8 years old
In this book, the author explains to the child the stages of sexual development in an accessible language, talks about the process of conception and a little about how a small child lives in the mother's belly. Also, Virginia Dumont does not miss psychological topics, for example, about jealousy of a newborn baby and the difficulties of growing up.
The book also provides several interesting facts about where the stories about storks and cabbage come from, as well as what traditional images associated with this topic exist in other countries: children are found in trees, in wells, brought in boxes.
"Book of Love"
Age: 4-6 years old
The Swedish writer first of all tells the little reader about love and the feelings that it evokes in the body. Psychological moments are also touched upon, for example, that from love one can not only be happy, but it also happens to cry. There is also a section on conceiving a baby, which, by the way, is accompanied by very frank drawings of an unusual style.
This book is quite scandalous and not every parent wants to read it to their little ones. The illustrations, like the text, are quite specific here, for example, love is described in same-sex marriages.
"Where did I come from?"
Age: 4-5 years old
British author Peter Mayle wrote this book back in 1973 and has since been successfully published worldwide with minor abbreviations. Before starting work, the writer talked to many children and heard plenty of stories about how they were found in a bar near a beer mug, brought a cat, or Santa Claus put them under the tree.
In the book, Mail tells the children about the difference between the body of a woman and a man, as well as about the peculiarities of their love. The topic of the emergence of feelings and other psychological aspects is not touched upon. It is assumed that the parent will tell the child about this himself.
"Where the babies come from?"
Age: 5-7 years
The author of the book is a physician who, in collaboration with a child artist, has created a comic book that will explain to children the complex processes of having a child. It is interesting that both parents are involved in the book: mom talks about girlish questions to her daughter, and dad answers son’s questions.
anti-aids.narod.ru
"The main wonder of the world"
Age: 4-6 years old
The special difference between this book and the works of Western authors is that there is no naturalistic illustrations, which so frighten many parents.
Yudin wrote this encyclopedia in the form of a dialogue between father and son, which deals with the love of parents, conception and birth of a child.
Only one chapter is devoted to this topic in the book - the first one, the remaining chapters will show the child the structure of his body and the complex processes that underlie it.
3.bp.blogspot.com
Cartoons
1. In this short video, a mom-psychologist will tell the parents the main points to follow when telling the baby the story of his birth.
For a small child, parents know and can do everything. Therefore, with all the questions he goes, of course, to them. And this is very good, try to keep it this way forever. So with the question of his birth, the child goes to his parents. A simple child's question can puzzle parents. How to explain to a kid where children come from?
The first thing to do is to remove the taboo from the topic. This is what child psychologists advise. The child has the right to ask such tricky questions. In some families, parents shy away from answering or strictly forbid talking about these topics. The child is forced to seek answers to his questions from others.
The baby begins to notice the differences between the sexes at about three years old. He begins to wonder about the difference between boys and girls, uncles and aunts. At this age, the child may also be interested in the question of having children, he begins to pester with "uncomfortable" questions to the parents, and you will be faced with the problem of how to tell the child where the children come from.
It is necessary to talk about the differences between the sexes, about the conception and birth of a child in a language accessible to the child, without overloading him with unnecessary details.
For a kid up to five years old, the answer is enough that the child is growing in the mother's tummy.
As they get older, the child, of course, will be interested in how mysteriously he ended up in his mother's tummy. Now you can tell that dad gives mom a seed from which a child grows.
The answers should be clear to the child and truthful. Prepare in advance for this conversation.
Now on sale there are picture books in which they tell the child in an accessible and understandable form how children appear. If you just can't find the words and answer your child's questions, then buy such a book. Be sure to read it with your child so that you can clearly answer all the questions.
By adolescence, the child should know the anatomical and physiological characteristics of the gender difference and the birth of children.
1. Refusal to answer.
Even if the baby's questions confuse you, you should not shy away from answering. Take time out, think over your explanations, consult with a psychologist, or get a related children's encyclopedia. The child should not feel guilty and left alone with his questions. His curiosity is completely natural and connected with development, the need to know the world and himself in this world.
You should not throw a child with scientific terms and imagine the whole process as purely mechanical. In medical reference books there is not a word about feelings, desires, emotions, pleasure. Children do not at all expect such exhaustive, dry and complex explanations from you. The child needs to get an answer in a simple and accessible form, formulated especially for him, to hear your words, and not an impersonal text.
3. The child is educated by the parent of the opposite sex.
When a child asks questions about sexuality, it is best to be answered by a parent of the same gender. If this is not possible, it may be a confidant of his gender.
Why? When a child begins to realize his gender, then, as a rule, girls identify themselves with their mother, and boys with their father. This mechanism helps children in the future to correctly position themselves in society as a man or a woman. And it will be much more convenient for a child, especially when he gets older, to address intimate questions to a parent of the same sex.
4. Do not explain anything if the child does not ask questions.
A child may not talk about a sexual topic, not because he is not interested. On the contrary, his interest may be too strong and disturbing, he may experience embarrassment, which prevents him from asking questions that are of concern to him.
Often a child does not ask questions when adults feel reluctant to talk to him about such serious topics. It is important to remember that a 3-5 year old child needs to be spoken to about life, love and death.
5. Forcing events.
It is undesirable to tell the child that he is not yet ready to perceive and understand. Before two years old, you do not need to start talking about sex life. This is the age for other questions, because the child is just beginning to navigate the world and human relationships.
6. To touch on too complex and serious topics.
Talking about the birth of a child, you should not describe the details and talk about the pain and difficulties associated with childbirth. There is no need to explain to the child what a cesarean section is. Also, you do not need to delve into what is associated with intercourse: erection, posture, etc. It will be enough for your child to know that he was born because mom and dad fell in love with each other, and that the doctor helped mom during childbirth.
7. Avoiding topics of sexual violence.
It is absolutely necessary to warn the child about possible dangers, of course, without scary details and intimidation. The child should know that one cannot go anywhere with strangers, even if they are affectionate with him and offer sweets. It is imperative to tell the baby that his body belongs only to him and no one has the right to touch him.
Tell your child that if someone touched him, it should not be a secret, you should definitely tell your parents about it.
Remember that with all the questions the child must go to you and if you forbid him or not answer, he will lose confidence in you. The main thing is not to be afraid of such "difficult questions".
A funny cartoon on this difficult topic:
Psychologists' advice on how to have this conversation with your child:
How to talk to your child about children:
Where the babies come from?
By the age of 3-4, most of the child's questions are about conception. It is important for a child to know where he came from. He understands that there was a time when he was not, and his appearance was preceded by something that he is completely unaware of. Therefore, he asks questions about his background and the relationship that binds his parents. "Where was I before I was born?" "Is Daddy your lover?" "Where does the baby come from?" When answering such questions, start with a story about how you met, tell about the feelings that you experienced. Love should be central to your story. Emphasize that the child is the fruit of the love and tenderness of mom and dad. Talking about how conception occurs, you can call for help from images and comparisons, as well as use illustrations from the children's encyclopedia. The story could be like this: “When a man and a woman love each other, they decide to live together. They have a common home, which they equip, create coziness. Soon they begin to think about a child. You already know that a man and a woman are constructed differently, and they have organs called sex organs. They serve so that mom and dad can have a child. When a man and a woman love each other, they kiss and caress each other. They like it very much, it is pleasant. They want to conceive a child, and a liquid emanates from dad's penis, in which there are many tiny, mobile "tadpoles" - spermatozoa. This liquid goes into the vagina (mom's little crack). In my mother's uterus, a small sac with thick walls, there is a round "cell" - an egg. When one of the little "tadpoles" meets the "cell" of the mother, they merge, and from them a very small baby appears, which for nine months grows in the mother's belly. He is comfortable and safe there. When the child is ready to be born, he comes out through a crack in his mother's body, which at this time becomes wider so that he can pass through it. "
Such explanations are quite understandable for a child, and for quite a long time his interest and curiosity will be satisfied. If for some reason you think that the time or place is not suitable for talking about sex life, you have the right to postpone the explanation, telling the child that you need time to think and choose a more appropriate moment. But do not shy away from the conversation, because then your baby may think that for some reason it is not good to be interested in sexual issues. If you feel uncomfortable, invite your child to watch an illustrated children's encyclopedia together on these issues.
Will we get married when I grow up?
At the age of 3, children enter the genital phase of psycho-sexual development, and the so-called "Oedipus complex" is formed in them. The Oedipus phase usually lasts from 3 to 6 years of age. Each person in his development goes through this phase. Schematically, it looks like this: a child begins to compete with a parent of the same gender, sees him as a rival and dreams of marrying a parent of the opposite sex. During this period, the child feels some hostility towards the parent of the same gender and at the same time blames himself for this, because he loves both parents. You need to explain to the child that he cannot marry one of the parents and draw his attention to peers of the opposite sex, saying that when you grow up, you will fall in love with someone of your age, you can get married and have children. The meaning of this period: the child learns to build more mature relationships both in the family and outside, learns to interact with both parents. How much you are ready to help your child go through this stage of development will largely depend on his further relationship with the opposite sex and the choice of a partner.
7 mistakes to avoid:
1. Refusal to answer.
Even if the baby's questions confuse you, you should not shy away from answering. Take time out, think over your explanations, consult with a psychologist, or get a related children's encyclopedia. The child should not feel guilty and left alone with his questions. His curiosity is completely natural and connected with development, the need to know the world and himself in this world.
2. Read articles from the medical encyclopedia to the child.
You should not throw a child with scientific terms and imagine the whole process as purely mechanical. In medical reference books there is not a word about feelings, desires, emotions, pleasure. Children do not at all expect such exhaustive, dry and complex explanations from you. The child needs to get an answer in a simple and accessible form, formulated especially for him, to hear your words, and not an impersonal text.
3. The child is educated by the parent of the opposite sex.
When a child asks questions about sexuality, it is best to be answered by a parent of the same gender. If this is not possible, it may be a confidant of his gender. Why? When a child begins to realize his gender, then, as a rule, girls identify themselves with their mother, and boys with their father. This mechanism helps children in the future to correctly position themselves in society as a man or a woman. And it will be much more convenient for a child, especially when he gets older, to address intimate questions to a parent of the same sex.
4. Do not explain anything if the child does not ask questions.
A child may not talk about a sexual topic, not because he is not interested. On the contrary, his interest may be too strong and disturbing, he may experience embarrassment, which prevents him from asking questions that are of concern to him. Often a child does not ask questions when adults feel reluctant to talk to him about such serious topics. It is important to remember that a 3-5 year old child needs to be spoken to about life, love and death.
5. Forcing events.
It is undesirable to tell the child that he is not yet ready to perceive and understand. Before two years old, you do not need to start talking about sex life. This is the age for other questions, because the child is just beginning to navigate the world and human relationships.
6. To touch on too complex and serious topics.
Talking about the birth of a child, you should not describe the details and talk about the pain and difficulties associated with childbirth. There is no need to explain to the child what a cesarean section is. Also, you do not need to delve into what is associated with intercourse: erection, posture, etc. It will be enough for your child to know that he was born because mom and dad fell in love with each other, and that the doctor helped mom during childbirth.
7. Avoiding topics of sexual violence.
It is absolutely necessary to warn the child about possible dangers, of course, without scary details and intimidation. The child should know that one cannot go anywhere with strangers, even if they are affectionate with him and offer sweets. It is imperative to tell the baby that his body belongs only to him and no one has the right to touch him. Tell your child that if someone touched him, it should not be a secret, you should definitely tell your parents about it.
A conversation with a child about how he was born sometimes catches parents before they are ready for this. Our ancestors invented several popular explanations, for example, "found in the cabbage" or "stork brought", but such excuses are good only for the smallest, and even then not always. In the modern world, a child quickly becomes familiar with information about sex education, and it is necessary to speak with him initially truthfully. How to explain to a child where children come from? The question is difficult, but let's try to figure it out.
For the first time, the topic of the relationship between the sexes and the birth of a child can be touched upon with a baby 3-4 years old, when he himself asks about it. To correctly explain the essence of the issue, you do not need to go into anatomical details. The information must be adapted to the preschool age by submitting the available information as clearly and childishly as possible.
For example, allegorical representations that mom and dad had cells can help. Parents loved each other very much. When mom and dad hugged, the cells moved to each other, connected and turned into a small child. At first he lived in his mother's tummy, where his house was, and when he grew up, he left through the door below.
For children 3-6 years old will be enough. Sometimes a cartoon in which information is presented in a similar way can help.
At school, a 7-10 year old child already learns much more about the world and man, and the previous explanations cease to satisfy him. Pregnant women found on the street, the birth of animals prompts broader thoughts. In such cases, parents should not get lost, but be sure to talk with their children, adapting the information.
You can tell a 7-8 year old kid that the human body is made up of cells. As children grow up, they develop cells that can turn into small children. But for this it is necessary that daddy's and mom's cells meet. If dad and mom love each other very much, the cells connect, and you get a baby.
This time, the cells can be named: egg and sperm. For young children, these names are not yet associated with anything, and they perceive them as completely normal.
When the baby grew up, he came out of the door at the bottom of the tummy. Sometimes children 7-8 years old ask their parents to show the places where the child came from. Of course, you don’t need to do this, but it’s worth explaining to the kids that these places are secret, and you shouldn’t show them to anyone. At the same time, mention that if someone from outside asks the child to show his "secret" place or touch, you should run away and tell the parents about it. This way you will prevent the infringement of pedophiles on your baby. Talk about the rules of communication between adults and children. But do not read boring lectures: present information in an interesting way, in the form of a conversation, and only when the child himself is interested in learning something about the issue of childbirth.
If parents are embarrassed to touch on such topics themselves, there is a picture book, video or cartoon for kids 7-8 years old, which will help to teach the basic information in an adapted form. And only then you can discuss what you have seen or read ...
After 11 years, children already know a lot from television, biology lessons at school: the topic of sex cannot go unnoticed. The period of puberty begins, when it is important to correctly explain to the guys what the differences between the sexes are. It would be nice to talk about the fact of pregnancy, about methods of contraception. Parents should emphasize that the child should appear only among adults who are ready to accept responsibility for him.
Information should be presented scientifically, with an explanation of the reasons for the processes occurring in the body. A book or instructional video can help adults with this. It is best for parents of the same sex to talk about sex education: women with daughters, men with sons.
You should not avoid talking and hope that all the necessary information will be given by the lessons at school. Of course, a child of 11-16 years old will receive some information, but this is not enough for a complete adequate picture. Having a frank conversation with parents will help children feel more confident and build correct behavior with the opposite sex.
If you don't know how to explain to your child where children come from, use the help of various sources. There is no shortage of toddler-adapted sex education literature today. There are many videos, cartoons, TV shows that can be found on the Internet.
Adults can choose literature and video materials according to their taste. The main thing is to make sure that the benefits are appropriate for the child's age. Don't run away from conversations. Books are just a way of presenting information and a reason for discussion, not a way to get rid of embarrassing children.
