08:10 9.11.2015
It’s good when, after parting, your soul is light and you feel free and happy. But more often, parting with a loved one brings only negative emotions. How to part with a man painlessly?
It is difficult to define and revise the feelings that overwhelm when parting with a loved one, but this must be done.
The most important thing when parting is the ability to dot the i's. In no case should there be an understatement between you and your ex-partner. It does not matter - in a fit of anger or in a calm conversation, but both of you must express to each other everything that is sore. Do not hide, do not be silent, otherwise it will be difficult for you to subconsciously accept the breakup. Believe me: leaving commas and dots during the last conversation is not safe for your sensitive heart!
You should not say: "It's hard for me to talk about it now, let's talk about it another time." No need to offer to meet and drink coffee somehow. Who are you trying to fool? Former lovers communicate extremely rarely (only if there is a need for communication) and certainly do not agree on this in advance. At the moment of parting, it is very important to be able to say a decisive goodbye.
If you made the decision to leave, this is not a guarantee of getting rid of anxiety and anxiety. But you can make the breakup less painful for the ex, maintain self-respect and not experience painful guilt later.
It is very important to choose the right moment for a responsible conversation. Assess not only your own emotional state, but also the state of your partner. Prepare for the conversation, think about what and how you will say so as not to offend his male pride. Take your time, but do not drag out the conversation, because every minute can hurt. You can’t start a conversation when a lot of other serious problems have piled up that require urgent solutions.
Consider your partner's personality traits. It is impossible for a nervous, quick-tempered person to report his decision unexpectedly. If you are dealing with a weak and dependent person, do not succumb to his manipulations and pressure on your conscience. Keep a straight face if you are accused of callousness and ruthlessness. Try to calm your partner.
Lead a decisive conversation calmly, confidentially and frankly, avoiding reticence and ambiguity. Make it clear that there is no going back. Do not be afraid to be firm, otherwise you will never get out of the vicious circle of omissions and lies. A showdown over the phone is possible if almost everything has already been said, and an extra meeting will only add to the grief. Trust your feelings and take care of yourself. However, with an obsessive person, one telephone conversation will not be enough. And keep in mind: the better you control the situation, the easier it will be for you to endure the breakup.
If your partner initiated the breakup, then in order not to torment yourself with endless hopes, make it clear to yourself that everything that happened is a fait accompli. Yes, he left. Repeated a hundred times, mixed with tears, this terrible phrase will suddenly cease to have power over you. This is very important and already very much. It's like the first small victory in your battle for yourself.
In psychoanalysis, this is called the grief dissipation method. As a result, soon you will feel that your soul is no longer so hard.
Better yet, sing about it! Psychologists say that such therapy is quite effective in relieving stress. In addition, you may be so carried away by an attempt to strike a high or, conversely, a low note, that even before the end of your vocal confession you will forget about its reason.
This is a great way to get rid of obsessive memories, resentment, to relieve yourself of the burden of an experienced breakup. All your torment, attempts to figure out what happened, offended feelings, at least once committed to paper, become the past. Lived and described emotions cease to put pressure on the soul as a heavy burden and gradually let go.
It doesn't matter what it will be: running, aerobics, rearranging the room, washing or cleaning. Even Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina that from mental anguish and suffering, physical labor to the point of exhaustion is the best cure. The classic himself often went out into the field at dawn and mowed until dark.
Get out somewhere, for example, closer to the railway, but not at all in order to follow the example of Anna Karenina, but in order to shout and roar like Liza Minnelli in the Cabaret, without fear of becoming crazy for the frightened neighbors. Give free rein to your emotions! They just need to be released outside so that they do not destroy you from the inside.
If your personal life seems ruined, that's no reason to derail everything else. Let the thought inspire you that at least at work, success depends on yourself, and not on the person who left you. The more your achievements are, the faster there will be a really worthy candidate for a place next to you. After all, success is a powerful factor in sexual attractiveness.
For example, watch a good movie, reread your favorite book. Dress smartly, even if you intend to spend the whole evening at home. Spend more time with friends, go to parties, go in for sports.
Don't run into memories. After the breakup, you need to remove all photos, gifts and other reminders of your relationship, and as far as possible. You will get it in half a year, when the soul calms down, and you will leaf through the photo album with a sad smile, remembering the bright past.
Eliminate the word if from your thoughts and vocabulary. Very often, all the experiences and depressions arise just because of this word. Because with its help, you begin to mentally sort out the options for saving a broken relationship: what would happen if I acted differently then ... if it was possible to return everything ... and if this is not the end ... and so on.
Do not go and cry to all your acquaintances and friends that your personal life has been destroyed. Talk to your mom or a friend. Let them be patient and give you the opportunity to speak as much as you need. You don't need their advice. You must tell everything. Let this be a brief analysis of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend.
There is no one recipe that is effective in all cases, but there are principles by following which you can help yourself. Remember that you can always, and sometimes even need to contact a psychoanalyst.
Leave beautifully, part with your beloved with dignity. Remember that you are a beautiful, successful, desirable woman and your life is just beginning. Following the breakup of the previous relationship, a meeting with a man worthy of you will definitely follow. The main thing is that you be free from past relationships and unpleasant memories. Think of a wonderful future and remember that parting is just a slight ailment that must pass. After all, whatever happens is for the best!
Sometimes, parting with loved ones, we regret that we did not fully enjoy his hugs and kisses. Is it worth it to make love one last time?
Do you think that there is nothing wrong with making love for the last time with a man who will be in the past for you tomorrow? After all, you were so good together! So why not cement good memories with a passionate breakup?
TO THIS TOPIC:
There is a special charm in parting not calmly, not in a storm of scandal, but beautifully. This means putting an exclamation mark at the end of your relationship, not a period. But there is one but. Honestly answer this question for yourself: will you be able to let go of a man after a wonderful night? Will you hurt yourself even more tonight? You need to be prepared for the fact that this is really the last time and will never happen again. If you cannot accept this, then it is better not to tempt yourself.
Photo in text: Depositphotos
It happens that one or both partners understand that the feelings have passed and it's time to move on. And parting with a man beautifully and with dignity is not so easy.
First, you should listen to yourself and understand whether you really want to part with your loved one. Perhaps, subconsciously, you wish that the man wanted to return. It does not hurt to compare the relationship now with those that were before. So you can understand whether it is a habit or a real feeling. When a decision is made and there is no way back, it is important to prepare for a conversation. If you get nervous, you will know what to say.
There is no way to painlessly end a relationship. But you can minimize negative feelings.
In this case, it would seem that the question of parting is illogical. But the feeling is not always mutual. There are various options for the development of such relations.
No matter how much you want to delay an unpleasant conversation, you should not delay. We must try not to leave an understatement. It is better to announce the breakup in a personal conversation. If you do not have the courage to talk face to face, you can call.
It is advisable to choose a neutral cafe as a place, where you will definitely not go later. You can pre-set the time of the conversation by saying that a meeting is scheduled in an hour.
The message should be clear and concise. It is necessary to speak as confidently as possible, citing the required arguments. It is important to indicate that you understand your own responsibility for this decision, without blaming anyone.
The partner, perhaps, will put pressure on pity, remember the good moments of life together, threaten to do something with himself, call the woman callous. You don't have to be manipulated. And do not agree to the last meeting. Saying goodbye is here and now.
We must be prepared for the fact that good memories can cloud the mind and you want to return everything. In this case, it is necessary to remember why the decision to separate was made. Psychologists recommend writing a list and hanging it in a prominent place. If you want to speak out, you can talk about your feelings to a friend or confide in a diary. What is written on paper is forgotten faster.
You don't have to look for the negative side of everything. These relationships gave invaluable experience and the opportunity to know life. Work, hobbies and meeting with friends will help to distract.
It is much more difficult to break off relations in marriage, especially if the spouses have children together. And in this case, psychologists recommend thinking carefully: what does not suit you in your life together and whether parting will solve this problem.
If the decision is made, then, building further behavior, it is worth listening to the advice of psychologists.
It is important that a man understands the reason for breaking up after a long relationship. A list of possible factors will help formulate it for yourself and for him.
Astrologers note that each sign relates to parting in its own way. This will help to properly prepare and build a conversation and tell you how to behave if a man does not let go.
Regardless of who made the decision to break up, it's hard on both sides. But in order to behave with dignity in this difficult period, remember: a new life and wonderful relationships are ahead.
For unfinished relationships in psychotherapy there is a term "gestalt". It means that the relationship has not been worked out to the end and fate will return us to the unfulfilled lesson. Perhaps with other people, but in similar situations. Therefore, it is always necessary to part to the end. For completion testing, choose one of your regular days. And in the evening, try to remember how many times you mentally returned to the old connection. If there are more than five such marks, this is already an alarm signal! A clear indicator of "stuck" is viewing the pages of the "former" in social networks. Why do you need his profile? What are you looking for there?
There is no instruction on how to properly end a relationship. There are only tips on how to make everything less painful and more effective.
Burn your bridges
The correct break is when the relationship is completely completed and it is already impossible to return to them. The most important and most difficult thing is to let a person out of his thoughts. Ideally, remember briefly and with gratitude for the segment of the life path that you went through together.
State the reason for the breakup
It can be very difficult to explain to a partner the reason for the breakup, especially when you yourself are confused in your explanations and claims. However, you still need to try to identify those problems that do not suit you, and explain why you see no other way than parting. Remember, your arguments must be formulated clearly and understandably. They should not have a double meaning or the possibility of a different understanding than the one you are laying. Be careful with "life examples", they often look like an accusation.
Don't blame
Blame is the attitude of the weak. Before you stands a person whom you once loved and with whom you spent wonderful years (months, weeks - underline as necessary). He a priori does not deserve humiliation at such a difficult moment in your life together (and she is still together). Be above putting a person in a position of guilt, in this case it is better to take the fire upon yourself. Just don’t say those terrible “it’s not about you ...” - hackneyed words turned by cinema into a synonym for indifference.
rehearse
You will still say things differently, but the rehearsal makes sense. First, it will give you confidence. Secondly, it will set you in a decisive mood. Thirdly, if at the most crucial moment you are “locked in”, rehearsed phrases will pop up somewhere in your head that will save the situation from complete failure and shameful surrender.
Avoid romantic memories
Memories are the hardest thing to go through. Those evenings when you walked along the seashore, the romantic actions of the other half, the early summer breakfasts on his balcony ... We are sure that you will find something to remember, so force yourself to be silent about the past and interrupt the partner’s conversation if he decides to enter this forbidden land.
Pick a Neutral Location
This point follows from the previous one. No apartments, favorite parks or restaurants where you often visited or visit. Of course, you should not part in the metro lobby or at the bus stop, try to opt for something neutral. Let it be a place where neither you nor your partner have ever been and definitely will not be again. The place of parting should never again pop up on your map.
Don't offer to be friends
Offering to part as friends, you run the risk of again being in the unsuccessful role of a member of a dubious rom-com. In general, taking the example of parting with movie characters is by no means the best idea. At least by the fact that all their words are subject to the logic of the screenwriter, and not your life situation.
Don't go screaming
Shouts, yelling and mutual accusations in raised tones will not help the cause. Do not expect that this way the separation will be easier and less painful. It is possible that after a while you will regret what was said and decide to apologize ... What will happen next, we think you have already guessed. No, not the best sex in your life (although anything can be, but still this is a movie story again), but a repetition of everything that made you decide to end the relationship, and at the end of the second round of breakups. This time even more painful.
Positive break. When feelings have faded, partners are reasonable and internally free enough to have the courage to admit the meaninglessness of what is happening and say goodbye to each other. Usually in such couples, trusting relationships with children are maintained, and the separation in no way causes trauma to the future family scenario of the son or daughter.
Unfinished gestalt. Spouses or partners understand that the mutual fire has died down, the feeling of affection has crumbled, but the relationship must be preserved for the sake of invented, illusory reasons. For example, until the children grow up. Often in such families there are "triangles" and betrayals. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of constant lies receive a severe dysfunctional example of a family script. These children are future clients of the psychotherapist.
most painful fraught with neuroses and psychosomatic problems. A difficult, tragic breakup happens when one partner is not ready to let go of the other. This means that the non-letting one looks at the partner as property, denying him the right to have freedom of choice. Usually, at the reception of a psychotherapist, it is precisely the one who does not let go, who most often says: “But I love him!” or: “But he swore he loved me!” It comes from childhood. It is often extremely difficult to overcome the problem of letting go on your own - you need the help of a specialist who will develop adulthood and independence.
Parting with a loved one is the most difficult step in life. With age, we become wiser, and it is easier for us to do certain things. But when there is still no experience in parting, it is difficult to dare eternal separation if the feeling of love still warms the soul. But you can look at it from the other side, for many girls, breaking up with a guy means becoming happier. But how can this process be made painless for two people who until recently were happy together? Everything in our life is quite simple, we ourselves complicate everything, and then we complain about our difficult life. To make every day a joy, you need to remember that everything in this world is not eternal, even loneliness.
If you still love a person, but want to end the relationship, you need to prepare for the worst. If you do not know with the guy you love, then the following tips will help you decide on temporary loneliness. All psychologists advise not to delay the decision. If love bothers you, it's time for a change. No one says that the process of breaking up is an easy path to happiness. But strong girls are not looking for simple ways, and this is a fact. At the end of a difficult road, a pleasant gift awaits you - this is the law of life, it is undeniable.
Neither of the couple will feel better if you delay this unpleasant process. Cutting a living man is a thousand times more prudent than torturing a man with his coldness. The sooner you tell your loved one that it's time for you to leave, the less mutual accusations and reproaches will be. Perhaps this news will surprise him, or perhaps he himself understands that parting will benefit the two of you. If you constantly think about the one you love, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Taking into account the recommendations of professionals, you can survive any gap painlessly. And then negative emotions will not overwhelm you from the intensity of passions that have appeared in your life.
The basic and most important rule is to let the person talk. Perhaps he has something to say to you, or he just wants to say goodbye to you in a way that will remain friends. When parting, a person always wants to talk. The ability to say what you think in time helps to maintain respect for each other.
Remember that the taboo when breaking up a relationship is parting in public. It’s a complete humiliation for a guy to be abandoned in front of strangers, you will also be uncomfortable with this situation. Therefore, if your breakup was provoked by a quarrel, make sure that you are left alone, others do not need to listen to your scandals.
It is very important to put yourself in the place of a partner, to feel his emotions, so to speak, to be in his shoes. And here a dilemma arises: how to part with the guy you love painlessly, how to feel what he feels if there is no bright love for him left in your heart? Would you like a guy to say goodbye to you the way you do? If not, make the breakup less painful for both of you.
If love still lives in your heart, but you understand that this feeling does not make you a happy person, then what is the point of such a relationship? Naturally, this feeling has grown into attachment, and the latter into a habit, and it is too difficult to eradicate all this. But life is given for this, to live as we see fit. If you feel that love is choking you from the inside, eradicate it before it's too late. It is hard to believe that you can be unhappy with a dear person. You catch yourself thinking more and more often: I love a guy, but I want to leave, what to do. And you can not find the answer to your question. How to break up with him, so as not to feel guilty? This is another question that torments many girls.
Breakups are an integral part of our lives. And often we offend those who are dear to us. If you have made the decision to leave, no persuasion should stop you. After a while, you will realize that it was a hard choice that gave you freedom. Love makes us put on the dress of the person we may not have wanted to be. It makes us submit to another, illuminates us and makes life brighter. There are always pluses and minuses, and if you understand that loving and being unhappy is not for you, start acting. Your girlfriends often complain about their young people, and you constantly think: how I want to break up with a guy, but I love him. And you don’t see a way out of the situation. It happens often, as if you are walking in a circle and you understand that you want to get out of it, but something always stops you. You realize that tomorrow everything will be different, no one will write or call, and you do not understand how to live on.
You feel sorry for yourself, you regret those days that you will no longer spend together with him. But who knows, maybe by breaking off relations with him, you will meet a more worthy person and find long-awaited happiness. Very often, in order to break up with a guy, we need other people's advice, the opinion of adults who already have the wisdom that does not allow us to make mistakes. And here the advice of professionals who know a lot about love comes to the rescue. If you don't know how to break up with the guy you love, advice from experienced people will help you. It can be an older sister who has already learned the process of breaking up, a mother, or maybe even a grandmother. Each of them will judge by their relationship, advise them to do as they would have done in their time. But do not forget that you are not them, your relationship is not their relationship. All you have to do is listen, memorize and draw conclusions. Perhaps you will listen to their advice, or maybe you will do everything your own way, which is more likely. But the truth is that the older generation knows what they are talking about, their advantage is that they have already gone through all this: pain, resentment, parting. Therefore, their advice should be taken into account, and you should listen to what they say, it definitely won’t get any worse.
And if thoughts are still spinning in your head: I want to break up with a guy, but I love him, you should do one thing - break off relations with him. Psychologists recommend initially putting on paper everything that you want to say when parting. Write everything exactly as you would like to tell him, pour out all your emotions and thoughts, and then the process of parting will be painless for both of you. Well, if the words have become lumpy in your throat, write him a letter and give it to him personally. This method of parting is a little naive, but then you will definitely say what you planned. Paper can endure everything, even the most degrading words that you would like to communicate to it. Do not be ashamed of your weakness, this is the normal state of any person. You don't have to tell the guy everything to his face.
It also happens that it's time to break up with a guy, as you understand that he does not love you. But you have strong feelings for him. Everything is more complicated here, here you can blame yourself until the last days of your life that you took the wrong step. But this is not so, if you love a guy, but he does not love you - these are not real feelings. In any interpretation, the feeling must be mutual. Therefore, if you are thinking about how to break up with the guy you love, but he doesn’t have you, think over a thorough breakup plan so that you don’t regret what you did later. For him, this parting will be painless, but you can eat pies for weeks at night, eating your pain from surging loneliness. No one has ever died from being alone. Everything has its charms. Temporary loneliness is not the end of the world.
The advantage of loneliness is that it is a temporary event. Sooner or later you will meet the guy of your dreams and forget about those who were not worthy of you. All that remains for you is to take the will into a fist and start acting. Cut on the living, but without a knife, speak sharply and clearly, so that he believes you. And go away, be proud and confident, guys admire these qualities. Remember one simple rule: never send SMS to the guy you broke up with, but you love him madly. If you have made a decision, do not give up, be self-confident, do not give in to momentary weaknesses. After a while, you will realize that this SMS was superfluous, and he would not appreciate such an act. If they parted, then finally, why the whole farce? A week or two will not change anything, sooner or later such a person will disappear from your life and will never remember you. It is difficult to take and change fate, to throw a person out of your life, it is difficult, but everything is possible.
The guy's unwillingness to have a serious relationship suggests that he lives for himself. Such a man meets, walks, has fun and leaves his passions. Sooner or later, you will want a more serious relationship with this person, but he will only have short-term hobbies in his mind. What could be worse than neglect? If you constantly suspect him of lying, he does not inform you when his plans change, this guy is not worthy of your attention. Worse than neglect can only be the extinction of passions. If this feeling between you has not been discussed for a long time, what is the point of such a relationship?
Another question is how to part with the guy you love and who uses you. This is the most painstaking process, because it is difficult to get rid of love for a person to whom you are attached with all your soul and heart, especially if he does not let you go because of his own benefit. . Then various manipulations can take place. As soon as you notice such manifestations, immediately begin to act, do not wait for a special occasion.
It's hard to leave a guy you're dependent on for one reason or another. A person who hurts you, and knowingly, for his own benefit, does not deserve your love. There are always reasons to think about your relationship. Indifference kills even the strongest love. If you stop counting on his help and support, you notice that he is comfortable, but you are not, it's time to ring the bells. If a guy doesn't care about you, then he doesn't care, what could be worse?
You ceased to interest him, he began to pay attention to other girls, it's time to talk heart to heart. Every man wants to look at beautiful women, but there should be a limit to everything. Constant control also does not speak of boundless love, it is most likely an indicator of distrust. And if there is no this feeling, what kind of relationship can we talk about? He began to consider you his property, so it's time to get rid of such a candidate.
We are all sure that the guys do not worry about the breakup, that they do not care what happens next. But, as it turned out, this is not so, men are also weak, especially if they are in love. Being depressed is normal, we are all human, each of us has emotions. Sometimes even guys are more upset than girls. If a man breaks up with a woman because of her infidelity, these can be the worst months after a breakup in his life. Therefore, you should not think that guys do not regret, do not get upset, do not cry. They also have feelings, they also love and want to be loved. Therefore, if you decide to leave, do it not by phone, not by SMS, but in person.
Look into each other's eyes and say what you think. Perhaps fate will bring you together again in many years, perhaps you will never see this person again. In any situation, it is important to remain worthy, not to cause people the pain that you would not want to experience yourself. And only then kindness, harmony and immense happiness will prevail in your life. And what could be better than to love and be loved?
