What does it mean to feel important? Significance can be external and internal.
But each person, to one degree or another, has attitudes that lower their personal significance. And this gives rise to problems and questions: “why do you always try, work, but you can't see the advancement on the career ladder?” and does not listen to opinions ”and others.
When a person, fearing of offending, makes concessions that complicate his life, this is a sign of fear of rejection.
To solve such problems, you need to understand what attitudes affect their appearance in your life.
1. Standing out is bad. For example, being rich and successful is unacceptable and dangerous. This attitude has been embedded in our mentality since the time of the revolution and resonates in us to this day.
2. It is indecent to demonstrate your dignity. Exaggerated modesty, instilled in childhood by parents and significant people, causes shame and guilt.
3. Priority of other people's interests. It manifests itself in the form of neglect of their interests and needs in order to please the needs of others.
4. Orientation to someone else's opinion. When making decisions, a person not only listens to someone else's opinion, but also trusts him more than his own. This is how a veiled fear of taking responsibility for your life and decisions is manifested.
5. Fear of offending another. When a person, fearing of offending, makes concessions that complicate his life, engages in self-deprecation, adjusts and endures, this is a sign of fear of rejection. This attitude is often intertwined with the attitude towards the priority of other people's interests.
6. External locus of control. Shifting the blame for your failures on other people and circumstances. Imaginary impossibility to influence your life.
If you recognize at least one setting in yourself, try the following technique. Take a piece of paper. Describe how the attitude affects your life. What areas is it especially affecting? How is it manifested in behavior? Now write the opposite belief for her. For example, suppose you have an attitude “it is indecent to show merit”. Replace it with the positive belief “I respect and love my dignity, I am happy to share them with others.”
Finish the exercise: Think of the situation in which you displayed this attitude, and imagine how you would behave if you were guided by a new positive belief. Take your time, imagine everything in as much detail as possible, mentally observe your behavior. Remember it. To strengthen the effect, remember and do the same with 2-3 similar situations.
Too often, many people fail to get what they really want because, at the decisive moment, they doubt their ability to get what they want.
Is not it?
Lack of confidence and significance leads to different situations:
You don't get the job you deserve
You are not given the promotion you want so much
Not getting a pay raise
You are not invited to events that you would like to attend
Do not ask for a date
Your deals and presentations do not give the desired result
You cannot stand up for yourself when faced with someone who rejects, devalues, or even devastates you.
All of this undermines your ability to successfully cope with similar situations in the future.
Your self-worth begins to dry out.
And you value yourself less and less.
But you can start to value yourself more. You just need to strengthen your importance. Here are 3 tips to help you achieve this:
Inspired Inventory
Make a two-column list. In one, point out the different qualities that you have.
For example, you can see a sense of humor in yourself, a lot of knowledge in some niches, goodwill, the ability to get along with children ...
In the other column, write down all the successes you have had. For example, remember that you got a new job, had excellent grades in school, how you overcame your fear ...
Rewrite your life
Our rules of life are constantly working, like a program in our subconscious. They determine how we think, feel, act and speak. For most of us, these attitudes are too demanding and uncompromising.
They need to be changed. You need to start cultivating your importance, praising your merits. By giving new beliefs the proper attention, you will reprogram your subconscious mind.
Laugh more
Laughter is one of life's greatest joys and can make you feel good, happy, positive. So try to laugh at least once a day.
Studies have shown that laughter can reduce your risk of heart disease and help you lose weight. Just 15 minutes of positivity increases energy expenditure by 10 to 40 calories.
A good laugh stimulates your organs, soothes tension and abdominal pain, improves the immune system, relieves pain, and increases personal satisfaction.
Laughing releases anger, fear, guilt, worry, and tension.
Research shows that a great sense of humor can add another 8 years to your life.
So, if you want to increase your self-importance, become more positive and change the programs of your mind.
At first everything was fine, but quickly enough you felt that the degree of his interest in you had dropped significantly. He shows no concern at all, is not interested in your opinion, does not give flowers, considering it superfluous. He does not love so much as allows himself to be loved ... Alas, this is quite a typical situation.
Probably, at least once in her life, any woman asked herself the question: how to increase her value in the eyes of a man? Many people truly suffer from the fact that they feel underestimated, but do not understand that in order to maintain the right balance in a relationship, a woman first of all needs to learn to respect herself.
Lack of self-esteem is a trap not only on the "love front"
This generally prevents you from developing as a person, since a person who allows himself to be depreciated does not have a strong personality center, and therefore there is no basis for building up his potential and developing his resources. After all, all this - energy, knowledge, as well as their material manifestations, including even money - gathers around something. And, if you yourself, as a person, do not represent sufficient value even for yourself, then you do not have that strong core on which everything will be strung.
Unfortunately, this is typical of the weaker sex. Woman without dignity constantly strives to shift the responsibility for her happiness onto other people, be it her family members or a potential partner. She wants to dissolve in her beloved, become his shadow, put her head on his shoulder and forget about everything. But the lack of responsibility implies not only the right to "be weak", but also lack of leverage... So everyone who declares: "I am a girl, I do not want to decide anything" - doom themselves to helplessness, to submission to someone else's will.
How does it look in practice? It is quite paradoxical, since a woman, without respecting herself, at the same time manages to demand respect from her partner (after all, she is used to the fact that others should solve her problems). There is a substitution of concepts when, claiming respect, a woman in disputes demonstrates a complete lack of SELF-respect. And the desire to defend their rights by all means is another proof of this. The very need to demand respect suggests that your self-respect is very bad. If you have to “knock out” any rights, including the right to feel your own worth, this suggests that in fact these rights are under someone else's control, i.e. do not belong to you.
To solve this problem, I propose to reformulate the question itself: do not look for a way to raise your value in the eyes of a man, look for means to raise your self-esteem, feel your feminine dignity. As soon as you succeed, your behavior will automatically change, and the chosen one cannot but react to these changes. Reconsider the point of application of your efforts: act not on the other, but on yourself. Only then will another reality begin to build around the new you.
To raise your value in his eyes, you don't need to ignore the man or manipulate him in any way. It is only necessary get rid of the feeling of inequality when he is the source of your happiness and the arbiter of destiny. You are just as much the protagonist in this drama.
Respecting yourself and understanding that you and your “offender” are equal in rights, you will get rid of the need to fiercely defend your position, to demand something. It is enough to simply indicate your position, giving your partner the right to decide: accept it, or seek a compromise, or maybe just leave. Be prepared to act according to the situation, whatever choices he makes. Even if a man refuses any negotiations and declares “the end”, it means that your value in his eyes is in any case insufficient to build a satisfying relationship with this person. Breaking up will only save time for both of you. Do not try to hold him back by compromising your interests. Look for support within yourself, gather strength to go further on your path - it is quite possible that you will soon meet a more suitable person on it. Remember: everything is only in your hands!
Why is self-esteem the only "medicine"?
Because this is the only thing that you can really influence. And for this you do not need to go beyond your own personal boundaries. This is where everything is by default under your control. If you can only influence someone else's or common living space, then you completely dispose of yours. And this is your strongest trump card.
Self-respect can make you stronger, but by being led by the desire to shift responsibility for your life to someone else, you weaken. It is important to understand that, neither bending over to another person, nor "running over" him, you can not ultimately achieve self-respect, because both of these positions express desire to be ward... In the first case, this happens directly, through the subordination of a woman to a man, and in the second, a woman does it indirectly, defending her rights to take a decision on custody of herself. Must love, must appreciate! Should patronize, in other words.
No, you shouldn't. Only you yourself you can become strong and happy. And with such a woman, any man is happy to be around. And he will treat her accordingly - it would not even occur to him to behave dismissively. He knows that his independent girlfriend can leave at any moment, temporarily or permanently. And this is the only really effective lever of influence. Either you respect me, or you are deprived of my company. The choice is yours. And this is not a bluff.
The most interesting thing is that all this does not even have to be voiced. Men subconsciously feel what is allowed, what is not, with whom their numbers pass, and with whom it is better not to take risks. Below is an illustration of this thesis.
For example, let's take a very common situation: he forgot about the meeting, or postponed it indefinitely, in fact, he simply disappeared. He stopped calling and writing as if there was no relationship between you. And then he suddenly showed up, as if nothing had happened.
If a woman (a typical dependent woman) attacks him with reproaches for a long absence and reprimands for disrespect from the series “you don’t think about me at all” - he understands that nothing terrible has happened. Women love to exaggerate, and indeed they are emotional beings. She will scream and stop, and then everything will resume as usual. Only now will the man know that in the future such disappearances will be forgiven him, i.e. this behavior will be normal. But this option is possible only if a woman is still needed by a man, needed enough to continue the relationship, despite constant reproaches. The second option - he will not want to listen to her tantrums, and he will leave her.
How does a woman with dignity behave in such a situation? She calmly, without any pretensions and even with a smile, says: "I am glad for your call, only I was expecting you last Sunday, and today, unfortunately, I am busy, I already have plans for the evening." And this is already completely different alignment of forces... Now a man will have to either offer her something especially tempting in order to make amends, or refuse this woman. What exactly he chooses depends, again, on how much he needs it. But both parties to the situation in any case will save a lot of time and nerves.
But the one who sat on pins and needles all two weeks, waiting for his call and struggling with the temptation to call first, will not be able to notify a man about her employment so calmly and beautifully. To stay calm and dignified in such a situation, you really need to be independent and strong. And for this, as we have already said, self-respect is necessary. That is, the key to solving the problem, whatever one may say, is only in your hands. Don't try to pass it on to a man. Anyone: "I want him to ..." is a custody request that will weaken you.
Remember: Self-respect should be at the center of everything. We are used to living unconsciously, succumbing to desires that are imposed on us from the outside, making decisions thought out by someone else. We draw conclusions, cleverly avoiding the opportunity to think, because it is much easier to use what authoritative personalities give us. Thus, we are more likely to obey other people's impulses than our own decisions. And so day after day, year after year ... What kind of self-respect can we talk about? It slowly falls into a lethargic sleep, risking further falling into a coma.
Of course, addiction in relationships is a fairly common situation. It is because of her that women are tormented by the question of why men do not marry, and then they try in all possible ways to adapt to the chosen one or "threaten" him, proving the need to create "lasting" relationships at any cost. But the effect of all these military operations is completely opposite. The value of such relationships and the woman's place in them are usually critically low.
Male addiction Is a difficult problem, but it is quite possible to solve it. To do this, it is not at all necessary to study books on. There are clues around us, it is enough to pay attention to how these mechanisms work in other areas of our life. For example, our physical health improves when we monitor our diet and exercise. Wealth grows if you correctly build the turnover of funds. Success at work is determined by your professional development, while dependence on colleagues and bosses decreases, you become more free in choosing other jobs, and more confident in your own abilities. Etc. By developing her internal resources, a woman is gaining strength and is able to overcome dependence in a relationship; she stops adjusting and pleasing. As a result, her self-esteem will grow, which means that her value in the eyes of a man will also rise.
Humiliation of women can manifest itself in different ways, and in none of the manifestations should you allow such an attitude towards yourself. But how can you use the leverage described above so as not to lose your partner? You need to understand that in a healthy relationship the decisive role is not technology, that is, not the ability to move away, giving freedom, but the essence, that is, the contribution that you make to the common living space. Yes, you can be confident and independent, but this still does not guarantee success in a relationship, since this is the minimum, the basis on which everything is built. And a man will truly appreciate you when he realizes that being next to you is many times more pleasant for him than with others. When he realizes that your qualities - appearance, sociability, the ability to care and give warmth - are more valuable to him than all other alternatives. Only then will the lever work: the man will not want to lose your society, and will begin to reckon with your interests, even if he has to give up part of his own.
Once again, we're not talking about distance techniques and keeping your distance. Self-respect implies independence however, the word "independence" should not be associated with concepts such as "coldness" or "loneliness". They are not the same thing at all. Strong individuals who respect themselves always have many resources, including energetic and emotional ones. This means that they have more freedom in actions, they can give a lot without demanding anything in return, but they also know how to accept, without demanding anything from anyone.
See for yourself by paying attention to those areas of your life where you feel confident in your abilities. Perhaps you have fulfilled yourself well in your career. You have many offers from employers, and you do not worry about being fired tomorrow without severance pay - even if this happens, you can easily find a new place where your qualities will be appreciated. That is, in the labor market, in the professional sphere, you are free and calm. You will not work if your wages are delayed, you will not tolerate unreasonable nagging from your bosses. Now try to transfer this skill to the realm of personal relationships. Since this law works everywhere. A man's respect for a woman develops in the same way.
So what do you do?
Increase your female attractiveness (your value in the marriage market), develop the qualities you need in the family, and at the same time know your own worth. This is what you should focus on, instead of learning manipulative techniques for influencing someone else's mind. Bonus: in this way, you can not only raise your value in the eyes of one man, but in general you can start enjoying much more success with the opposite sex.
By developing the ability to rely on yourself, you will be able to live a fulfilling life, without the influence of others. The most important thing here is not to get confused and not get stuck when, in an effort to learn how to manage your life, you are trying to lead others, those on whom you really depend. Do not forget: by wanting to gain respect from someone, by demanding it, you exalt this person above yourself. You must first get rid of addiction, and then raise your value in the eyes of a man. More precisely, subject to your sufficient attractiveness and objective value, the second will happen by itself.
How to increase your profile?
A question from a user in my LAN:
" How to increase your importance, level the knowledge base and can't find about the database? I'm just a donkey, I don't know why I need it, how to get rid of addiction ... "
To answer this question it is necessary to define what "significance" is. In the entry of my blog -, I have already given a similar definition, so in my reasoning I will start from it.
Significance is a key factor in a girl falling in love with a guy. Without it, relationships will not work (excluding commercialism or calculation). What is it? This is, firstly, the assessment of a person attractive in terms of instincts: sexuality, appearance, physical strength, mental pressure, leadership behavior, popularity, power and position, resources. Secondly, this is a personal assessment of a person from his side: I wonder (i.e. how many pleasant hormones do you experience in his society) whether you are with a person, whether there is chemistry between you, the degree of correspondence with the inner ideal of a partner, the amount of resources spent (time, thoughts, money, emotions, since the more invested - the more expensive - the higher the significance).
There is an opinion that the statement "significance = DSP" is true, but I do not quite agree with this. In my opinion, as can be seen from the definition, significance is formed from two factors:
1. Objective significance (OZ).
2. Subjective significance (SZ).
If the statement "significance = DSP" was true, then all the girls would love the man with the highest DSP, but this does not happen, and for some spherical Masha, her Petya, whom she meets, is much more significant than Brad Pitt, although the latter is definitely better in everything on chipboard. Petya is even more significant than that man in a suit in a Mercedes who just drove past Masha. This is precisely because of the second component of significance - subjective.
Roughly speaking, the significance of objects that are outside the field of your interaction and with which you are not familiar is formed only from the objective significance, but the significance of those with which you are familiar and regularly communicate is also formed due to the subjective component.
Based on this factor, there is the concept of "sticking". For example, at the beginning of the relationship between a guy and a girl, everything went smoothly - the balance was equal. Over time, a guy or a girl may begin to sacrifice his time, resources and a habitual way of life for the sake of a relationship, thereby the balance will be disturbed, since the subjective significance of one of the partners increases due to excessive investments (why this happens is a separate topic) and he is already cannot soberly assess a partner only by objective significance.
SZ is developed exclusively with long-term (from 2 months) interaction with the object (integration, communication, feelings), as well as with the fact of investing their resources in maintaining relations with the object (time, money, emotions) and sharing jointly experienced emotions (dating, travel, adversity, etc.). While OZ is determined separately, that is, the assessment mainly rests in general on the opinion of society, culture, trends, personal sensations and feelings at first glance or fleeting communication.
It is worth distinguishing between male and female healthcare facilities, since the assessment is based on completely different criteria.
There are generally accepted criteria for significance, and there are individual ones. Individual criteria on the forum are called "hit the map". Conventional OZ, for example, everyone likes outwardly beautiful people. The individual criterion of OZ is that some people like tall girls, and some like short ones. The generally accepted criterion for SD, for example, is that everyone wants to enjoy sex. Individual criterion SZ - a girl considers a man more significant if he fucks hard / gently. Simply put - everyone has their own cockroaches in their heads.
Now the actual question is, how can a guy raise the profile?
1. It is worth determining the current situation... Usually, there are three types of situations:
If everything is going so normally, there are no signs of cooling, then there is no need to artificially overestimate the significance, since there is a risk of imbalance and IZ.
2. If you broke up and you have a mutual ignore:
You have no choice but to raise only your HP. You will not lift SZ, because the process of interaction with the object does not occur. Here lies the answer to the question of why declarations of love, marriage proposal, sensual letters and SMS, as well as gifts and scandals at the entrance, do not work after parting.
It's all about the basis of the male OZ. Such behavior, described above, is not approved by both society and the girl's instincts. Yes, perhaps it would increase the value, or, if she loves music, your serenade would increase the SZ, but usually after the breakup, nothing remains of value and subjective significance, and "points do not drip into the account." In the end, the girl sees, as one might say, some left-handed guy just runs after her, shows his need and dependence, sheds tears and complains to everyone around, is in a depressed state. Is this how you were when your relationship first started? No, as if there were, the relationship would simply not exist.
To raise my HP, at the moment, I don't have a better matrix or template to apply than the D-S-P combination.
The main point is to raise your OZ, like men in the opinion of society and instincts. An important nuance is to engage in your pumping based on personal goals and your own comfortable life, and not with an eye to the reaction of an ex-girlfriend. Otherwise, the whole pumping will be a fiction based on maintaining your addiction, and not on personal motivation.
1) Decide on your personal goals.
2) Repair your energy holes in your lifestyle. Read more in the article - .
3) Start moving towards goals using the "S.M.A.R.T" system.
4) And start pumping according to the "DSP" items:
3. If you broke up and keep in touch- easy ignore (LI).
All the same recommendations as in the previous paragraph, but at the same time you keep in touch with the former in the format of "friends" or simply respond to her pings / B or sometimes initiate them yourself. In this situation, you can apply additional methods:
What do we get as a result? Good OZ and good SZ over time, which creates the perfect springboard for us to seduce the former again. With this method, the chance that she herself will seduce / return you is very high.
